B: The Remains of Match of the Day

He sits in a small studio at the BBC
And waits for the live link to Pebble Mill,
While they show clips of how he used to be
Complete with bearded hype from Jimmy Hill.

He's not there for his views upon the sport,
Who'll win the cup, will England qualify?
He's there for questions more resembling the sort
Concerning women and advice on staying dry.

He went astray, that's why they've got him here
The booted genius, but flawed when off the pitch.
He now lives on his tales of birds and beer,
One brought him down, he can't remember which.

The studio light abruptly turns to red
Another anecdote to be revealed;
He wishes he was still at home in bed
Or better, on some far flung foreign field.