In the lone dental surgery room

In the lone dental surgery room
(with apologies to Sophie Hannah)

I can't say that my mouth is my own
When I'm asked is my toothbrush a broom
And my voice has the tone
Of an old ansaphone
In the lone dental surgery room.

There's a rat in my 'oral B' zone,
I need valium as the drills loom.
Now I wish with a groan
I'd left toffees alone
In the lone dental surgery room.

I'd been trying so hard to postpone
This appointment, you'd rightly assume.
But the pain and the drone
Brought my lower jaw bone
In the lone dental surgery room.

Are my feelings as commonly known
From Richmond to Isle of Dogs spume?
There's no difference in tone
Whether Cockney or Sloane
In the lone dental surgery room.

As my gums are now painfully sewn
Will they send me straight off to my doom?
Can't they leave me alone
While I'm quivering, prone,
In the lone dental surgery room?