Mistaken love
By Beeme
Tue, 05 Jan 2010
- 4131 reads
17 comments
My mouth is a fault line that
you are afraid to approach,
so I smile like frowning is
a curse.
I angle my neck to match yours
and like swans we dance, I hope
to love eternally.
I enjoy the sweet sting of your
lips, but the after taste is different.
I smile at you blindly and silently
wink. There is nothing more to give.
You pant “we've started something
that was nothing in the first place”
I feel something in my bones.
I turn in my stained lips to you,
your words although spat and cold
do not hurt me. It's my mistake.
- Log in to post comments
Comments
I liked this. It captures
I liked this. It captures that sense of ambivalence well.
- Log in to post comments
Beautiful, honest poem as
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Beautiful, honest poem as always Beeme!
I just stumbled a bit over these lines:
'I smile at you blindly and wink
at you silently.'
I think the repetition is a little awkward in this sense and I would suggest cutting the 'at you silently:
'I smile at you blindly and wink.'
or alternatively:
'I smile at you blindly and silently wink.'
See what you think - but you shouldn't worry about this one. It's very touching and fits perfectly with your other poems!
Magic xxx
- Log in to post comments
Well done on the cherry
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Well done on the cherry Beeme! ;)
Magic xxx
- Log in to post comments
Beeme - I have just noticed.
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Beeme - I have just noticed. Forgive me;- Very well done on your cherry. You work so hard, always and it has been deservedly rewarded;-)
Tina xx
- Log in to post comments
I write a lot of love poetry
Permalink Submitted by Dan-The-Man on
I write a lot of love poetry myself. Many people seem surprised us sixteen year olds can write such stuff. You are very talented at this, well done. =)
Dan
- Log in to post comments
new Beeme Well definitely
Permalink Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Beeme
Well definitely worth the Cherry!
I enjoyed all of it. You do have a way with
love and romance poem's.
well done!
Deep deep snow Iv'e hibernated few days.
julie xx
- Log in to post comments
Lovely poem! Thanx for
Lovely poem! Thanx for visiting mine today. :0) Your profile apologies for your youth, but you certainly seem to know what you're doing.
mand
The Travel Hopefully Blog
~ mand
The Travel Hopefully Blog
- Log in to post comments