Absent

I am stuck somewhere in that limbo between life and death.
I am not in a coma or passed out or forgotten or in some other unconscious state of mind
I simply have nothing left for this life yet cannot find a way to leave it

I have nothing to give or take or share or experience
I have never wanted to
I am here purely because a second child was desired
Not here because I want to be

I know the effects that my leaving would bring
I know most would not care for more than a day
I am secure in that knowledge
I have left nothing behind

I know the effects that my staying would bring
I know I will do what’s expected when that’s far from what I want
I am disheartened by that knowledge
I have left everything I could be behind