The go away come back kid

The early morning flight from Gatwick to Toulouse

I can’t stand being frisked hungover

Suggest there’s something she should look at

In my carry-on

Heroin

Maybe something else.

 

Taken to one side

I’m told it’s likely I won’t be able to fly

Act nonchalant but I’m exploding inside

Scaring the crap out of myself

Pleading I’ve got presents for my children.

 

A scruffy old policeman arrives

Asks me to enlighten him

His breath stinks of rank whisky

The last few moments of his graveyard shift

He wants to go home without fuss

Scared he’ll get caught on the drink

Just like me.

 

Asks me to apologise to the frisker

Tells me we all say stupid things

Just make sure you look in her eyes

So I waddle over and tell her I’m sorry

It was just a stupid joke.

 

Luckily it’s April Fool’s Day 2004

Times haven’t changed

And we’re not all criminals yet

So she flares her nostrils

Throws a weight sigh over me

Wafts her hand for me to go

Like a silent fart.

 

My Corsican friend picks me up at the airport

Drops me at the door he lives opposite

I’ve got keys but I ring the bell

Love to hear the children scampering

The hapless painter’s back from the war

With money.

 

My little girl misses me the most

She’s shaking with excitement

We’re both lost for words

I take her in my arms and close my eyes

Open them and hear steps on the stairs

Her golden-haired mother

Beautiful, a little smile, silent.

 

I open my bag and dish out the presents

Most are from charity shops

But that’s not the point.

 

I take my girlfriend’s hand and kiss her

She leads me upstairs quietly

Hoping our little girl won’t notice

But she sees us and asks her sister

‘Why are they going up there?’

 

She kneels down and tells her with a smile

‘They won’t be long.

They just need some time alone

To say hello together’

And all I can think of is that bit

In The Railway Children when he comes back

But he was a real man.

 

We strip off and get into bed

Kiss passionately and see stars

Hear voices that already want me gone

Absence might make the heart grow fonder

But not mine

It’s a cold one

I want.

 

I come well before my time

Again no great shakes for her

But she doesn’t mind

Thinks I must be mad for her

If I’m that quick.

 

We get up and go downstairs

My little girl sits alone  

Playing with a new toy in the quiet

Looks up but the moment’s gone

I’ve hurt her feelings again.

 

We cuddle and I tell her how much I love her

The usual sorries that I had to leave

But I don’t know where to go from there

I’ve never been able to say anything more

Than that and never goodbye.

 

My father used to do that

Go away come back go away come back

Till I forgot who he was

Gave up on him like I did me.

 

It’s midday and there’s no doubt about it

I’ve got the flavour

There’s nothing in my stomach

But water fills my mouth as I think

Of the bar just down the road.

 

To my girlfriend I lie

There’s a job I may have missed

Need to see if it’s still there like a hero

She wants to say something

Tell me she’s not that stupid

But she knows it’ll only make matters worse.

 

My little girl can sense I’m about to leave

She’s in tune with the go away come back

There’s a pain in her eyes that I know so well

But what I can do? I’m my father’s son.

 

After a while I try to sneak off without her seeing

But she’s not stupid either

Takes hold of my left leg

Holds on tight as I wade to the door

I know she’s trying to save me

But what can I do?

 

When the door finally closes

I can hear her screams

Crunch my eyes up for a few seconds

Dream of running back in a new man

But I never do.

 

Hiding by the wall I hear her mother

As she come to my rescue

‘It’s OK, he’ll be back soon’

And the screams turn to little sobs

Then silence.

 

I turn to the road

Pick up speed towards the square

But the screams won’t go away

I know one thing can stop them

But never for long

I’m just the go away come back kid.