Cloud Chasing

By bluebirdtales

Thu, 15 Sep 2016
  • 1164 reads
5 comments
 

Cloud Chasing

 

“GET READY TO JUMP!”

 

The thick metal door is flung open.

The light beams in, burning my eyes.

 

Why did I think this was a good idea?!

 I’m terrified of heights!

I’ve never felt so sick in my life.

I close my eyes for a second to calm myself.

I breathe in deeply.

My eyes reopen.

 

 

But suddenly everything is slow.

The piercing sound of the man shouting,

The whooshing of the propellers,

It has all become silent.

All I see is the open sky in front of me.

All I feel is the thumping of my heartbeat.

 

Time stopped.

My rigid body stood stiffly and watched.

Captivated by the view.

Paralyzed by the fear.

 

And all I see is you.

 

You.

Looking up at me, smiling.

Giving me reassurance,

That if I fall you will catch me.

 

You.

The rage in your eyes when we fight,

But the gentleness of your hold,

When you realize you don’t want me to go.

 

You.

                                               Telling stories to your sisters.                  ,

Their bubbly laughter and delicate faces glowing in your presence,

Just as mine often did.

 

You.

Your heart finally captured.

What a task it truly was, but a worthwhile catch.

Slippery little sucker.

 

You.

Squeezing my hand so tightly as if to keep me from flying away,

When the doctor breaks the news,

but I can’t bear to stay in the moment.

 

You.

Kissing me softly on the head.

Where my long, straight hair once was,

But the woman inside still remained.

 

You.

By my side as I take my last breaths

Your wrinkled scar exposed by your cheeky smile

A tear in one eye but a wink in the other

 

You.

 

I want to reach you,

Join you up in the clouds.

Stay there.

Live there.

Grow there.

 

But I am not a child anymore.

I know if I jump,

I will not land safely and soundly on the clouds beside you,

The ones that looked like fluffy marshmallow pillows.

I will not suddenly have your heart,

Your endless eyes will not awaken,

To the forever loyal woman,

Who, even if you lost your mind, would always see you as man the she fell for,

And would follow you to the back of hell,

If it meant you wouldn’t have to do it alone.

 

No.

I am too old to believe in these things.

Young, but tired,

I must think with the bright mind I was blessed with,

Not the dumbfounded and thunderstruck heart forced upon me.

 

If I jump,

I will fall right through them.

Far away from things like love,

Fall far from velvety lips and electric touch.

Far from ridiculous hopes and impossible dreams,

Fall straight into reality.

 

 

“LET’S GO! LET’S GO! LET’S GO!”

 

It all began to come back to me.

I step closer to the edge,

This time looking down below,

Not straight ahead.

 

 

I leap.

Not because I want to land in the clouds.

Not because I can’t bear to live without you.

But because I want to finally wake up,

To something real.

 

Certificate U
Story
Spiritual
Young Writers
Surreal
Talecatching
Romance
Travel
Philosophy
Other Fiction
Miscellaneous
Love

Comments

Submitted by airyfairy on

I've read this over several times and  I'm not sure I've entirely got who has gone and who has remained, but it almost doesn't matter, because the sentiment is so strong and there are some lovely touches.  The verse ending 'slippery little sucker' made me smile , and the description of story telling warm and evocative. There seems to be a slippage of tenses in the verse beginning 'Time stopped' but not sure if this is intentional?  Enjoyed reading it. 

Submitted by bluebirdtales on

I've left some further clarification in a comment below. Thank you for your feedback. I'm very glad you enjoyed this piece. I'm also thrilled you picked up on the line, "slippery little sucker" as it was meant to lighten the weight of the story. :)

---"Do you know why the bluebird sings?"---

Submitted by bluebirdtales on

Unlike many writings that seem to have an ending of life with a jump, the speaker's jump implies a new beginning. Skydiving is often used to mark a turning point in one's life and confrontation with fear. The speaker not only fears height, but also fears she will never truly have the life she would like with her lover due to an impossible romance. The story tells the idea that some dreams are meant to remain dreams, that not everything is in our control, and acceptance that giving oneself unrealistic expectations   Is sure to set one up for failure. Because the speaker only dreams that she has captured the heart of her lover, as represented by her vision up in the clouds, it appears she has lost him or will never truly have him. Throughout the story she learns to accept that her dream is not likely to come true given the circumstances. Although at first the jump represents a failure to capture her dream (falling through, instead of remaining on a cloud), the jump later represents her decision to stop chasing the dream, accepting it will never be reality. She is done chasing her fickled heart lover, and is ready to reach for something more attainable. 

I hope this helped to clear some things up. My writing is very personal, and unfortunately sometimes I get so caught up in the emotion of the story that I forget the reader won't recognize some key details I have placed within in my writing for they don't know the background story. Thank you so much for your feedback. I will take your comment into much consideration when I write my next piece. :)

---"Do you know why the bluebird sings?"---

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I felt there was a final acceptance of loss at the end of this poem, the realization that life must go on and that a loved one would always remain in the heart. Sorry if my thoughts are wrong, but I did find this piece to be a spiritual read which touched a part of me.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by bluebirdtales on

You've hit the nail right on the head. Thank you for your feedback. :)

---"Do you know why the bluebird sings?"---