FATHER

FATHER New version

From my beginning it was understood that I was to need and not be needed,

It was as crystal clear as the evening tides do come and go,

As certain as tomorrows sun would rise and winters cold winds blow.

I’d been told, I’d been shown, and I’d been beaten into accepting

The fate that lay ahead,

Until my spirit was gone.

“You’re nothing in this life,”

 A voice would yell and shout,

“From early morning into nights darkness and then throughout each day,

Without me here to protect you boy, whether twilight or Gods dawn,

 In tomorrow’s morn unforeseen and times still yet to come,

You’ll always fall and fail alone and cry for me to save,

The weakness found within your life in its lost and saddened way”

You see now boy I’m your only salvation,

I’m your morning, your night, your heaven, your hell, not a pot you’ll have to pee in boy nor window wide or low enough to throw your stinking pail.

And then he’d speak, in a quieter manner,

 So deep within your eyes he’d stare

 And say these words, of which I hear still each and every day,

 “Maybe I should just end this now,

Today I might just take that leap.”

 A shout and threat, his cigarette,

Would light the evening night,

 “A long drive down the short west bridge to waters deep and dark, he’d say

Or maybe a simple temple shot

You’ll find me laid out cold”,

 And when I’m gone You’ll suffer boy,

 You’ll suffer throughout each dawn,

Always wondering with thoughts obsessed,

 Of what it was you’d done that day,

To cause this father who you’d loved,

 To end his life this way.