I Called Z Passably Pretty

Cherry

By bosch

Tue, 17 Jul 2018
  • 1737 reads
8 comments
 

And she was unhappy about it.

I am either pretty,  or beautiful, your choice.

But you've always called me the latter,

And so with you, in the sanctity of us,

I was always beautiful.  What's changed?

Or are you fucking with me, playing,

Always playing, but with an edge, sometimes

Too sharp.  I don't give a damn if you

Think I'm beautiful.  Read your poems

To me, mine to you.  Think of us in a dark

Room, me slowly unbuttoning my shirt,

You're on fire, that should do it.

Certificate 15
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Very edgy. I can't help thinking Bukowski or Carver (if he wrote poetry, but the edge is the same). Straight in off the high board. The first line feels like it was migrated to the top to give that straight in / vignette of something bigger feel. Perhaps just designed that way. I can see your advice to me and others in the construction. I'm far more wordy.

Parson Thru

Submitted by bosch on

Parson: thanks for the comment. and for reading.

Submitted by Parson Thru on

A pleasure to read.

Parson Thru

Submitted by bosch on

the lines that drove the poem for  me were "But you've always called me beautiful/And so with you, in the sanctity of us,". and, of course, the sexuality of the last couple of lines. anyway, thanks again, for reading and stopping back by.

Submitted by bosch on

answer to lead question, "No." beyond that, she's the one who asked "Or are you fucking with me, playing,/Always playing, but with an edge, sometimes/Too sharp.?"/ she knew it, was fucking with me, back.. it's a really good poem about a beaurtiful girl who i was fucking with. or, the poem is not about any of that really, but the specialness of the two in relationship, "in the sanctity of us./I was always beautiful./   

try her knowledge of him, and them, to intone "Think of us in a dark room...my shirt...that should do it."

I know you're mainly playing. it's good poem.  finally, i've never heard so much talk about cherries. . there is no one on abc more talented than you, though your work can be wildly uneven and you post everything you write as if your poems were received from delphi.

Submitted by Tom Brown on

At university those days they had a system where a girl had a number they call "the revulsion number". It is how many beers you had to drink before you'll have sex with her. Well you can imagine in a bar and the girls that hang out. Luckily I never partipated in this kind of thing.

Cheers!

 

Submitted by bosch on

the knowledge that such existed may have helped you evolve. one doesn´t have to participate in a thing to profit from it. don´t see any parallels between your remarks and my poem, the extraordinary girl i mention. but, thanks for reading.

Submitted by Tom Brown on

cheers