Boiled Fish
By Bradene
Mon, 11 May 2009
- 2466 reads
10 comments
I dreamt I was a fish last night
swimming in a bowl
all I had to look at
was a fire burning coal.
I kept on swimming round and round
but couldn’t see a thing
just this conflagration, it seemed
I was trapped in a fiery ring.
I became a little worried
that changed to real concern
my water started to bubble
and my fins began to burn.
The last thought I remember
as my flesh began to boil,
at least I'd be much healthier
than a fish that’s fried in oil!
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Comments
Wipes tear of laughter from
Wipes tear of laughter from eye: that did make me laugh, thank you.
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That's a hoot bradene. And
That's a hoot bradene. And it fits the chords to Hotel California.
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I used to do a parody
I used to do a parody version of that called Hotel Caledonia, it was dedicated to all the English Airmen forever moaning about being posted to Kinloss.
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Nice and it definitely made
Permalink Submitted by Geoff Smith on
Nice and it definitely made me smile too.
If I could make a suggestion.
You're writing this in a ballad style of stanza: 4 beats, then three, four beats, then three.
At least I'd be much healthier
will help because it has four clear beats.
Similarly
All I had to look at was
A fire burning coal.
Would work better for me.
This is just an opinion of course. Others may well think diferently.
Enjoyed this very much.
Thanks.
JM.
Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.
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Very simple and funny. I
Permalink Submitted by sarah wilson on
Very simple and funny. I love it! Sarah:-)
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