maggots inside

Yesterday we had a good day,
It went well in almost every way,
She was more than good company,
But then the negative side starts bugging me.

So I scribble out poems she will never see,
Of hate not love and me despising me!
Of paranoia corroding good memories,
I'm one step from hell approaching insanity.

All dreams are lost,
When hope fades away,
From paranoia I'll count the cost,
Even if I had a perfect day.

She will never ever know that I lied,
About the maggots of distrust crawling inside,
That are eating away at the ripe fruit of happiness,
Leaving me soulless and a life we all detest!

I'm a busy creator building lots of bridges,
But I'm also a destroyer pulling them down,
I've the will and the urge to do almost anything,
But I'm also the king of pity, my crowns a frown!

My patience is as thin as a membrane,
My mood swings will drive all insane,
Nobody knows me sometimes I like it that way,
I'm a cold-hearted b@stard even more than yesterday.

But I'm alone in here,
I don't let anyone near,
I keep my maggots inside,
For me I can't do anything right,
So I dream of suicide every night,
In my eyes, my soul has already died!