Abecedary for London

I don't want to live in London although
my friends say it's great. Besides,
it's only two hours on the train. I can
visit it sometimes and I don't
have to get caught up in the everyday
shite of finding
my way home from a gig
on multiple night buses, hoping
that I will recognise Islington
where I have to jump
off and - without getting the shit kicked
out of me - walk the last
three kilometres back to my
flat in darkest Stoke Newington
which I will share with three older
blokes, none of whom like Be Your Own Pet
anyway, and are all quite
boring, staying up late watching re-runs
of the abysmal later series
of Red Dwarf; all they talk
about is which of us's
turn it is to get an eight pack of extra value
bog roll and even when
they do go out they act like Xerox
copies of every other aspirational-yuppie
cheapster and end up getting pizza at Zizi.