Honestly

By Bruhaha222

Tue, 05 Nov 2013
  • 1061 reads
7 comments
 

I should have smiled
when you drew the curtains
and the morning sun
instantly began to warm our bed.
I wasn’t unhappy;
I was just not ready to face
the lie of another day.

Certificate U
Poem
The Littlest Spoon
Love

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

Concise and thought provoking!  Welcome to ABCtales.

 

Submitted by Bruhaha222 on

Thank you. Glad to be here.

Submitted by Art of the Diver on

Ditto on the welcome Jason...

Nice effort on your first piece here... yes

*Hint*

Check your line breaks as the flow of your poem is interrupted by Caps etc. (Read it out loud & you will see)

Take care

Rob

Submitted by Bruhaha222 on

I've made an edit. Does it address the issues you saw? I appreciate the criticism.

Submitted by scratch on

Yes, I would echo Art's point about the use of capitals for each new line.  I would do away with the a pitfalls in this and in your other two pieces Bruhaha. 

Arghhh!  For 'pitfalls' above read 'capitals' crying that's bloody predictive text for you - and my lack of proof reading. Sorry I only just saw it and realised that my comment sounded terrible.  So sorry.

 

Submitted by jolono on

A big warm welcome from me as well. So much said in so few lines. Love the last line " the lie of another day" Says so much.

 

Submitted by Bruhaha222 on

Thanks all for the welcome, the kind words, and the critiques.