For Walnuts!

Margaret was not in the mood to be bothered. Already she had had quite the morning and was not in the mood to make a day out of it. She had woken up only to find Lucy had once again gotten sick, but that she had had the grace to do it on Margaret’s slippers of all places. The old cat had laid on the bed placidly as Margaret scolded her and once she was through, had the nerve to jump down to examine the sick and then sit expectantly beside it, blinking up at her owner with eyes of the glowing green whole while.

“Clean it yourself, you little louse,” Margaret had scoffed and left the cat to her staring. She had went on to prepare a little breakfast and wait for her daughter to call. She had left a message that she would phone at ten. Yet when ten had arrived, the phone lay silent. And when ten thirty arrived, the phone didn’t make a peep. And when eleven arrived, there was not a ring to be heard. And when eleven thirty arrived, Margaret had had just about enough. There she was sitting by the phone like some lovesick school girl sweet on her high school heartthrob. Well, if her daughter was going to call, she was just going to have to talk to the answering machine because Margaret would be out. She would not spend her time waiting on that girl.

Now, there was not much to do on a Sunday afternoon, and after driving around for a bit, Margaret decided to go to the supermarket. As she collected her cart, she realized she didn’t really know of anything she needed. She hesitated at the sliding doors. People behind her parted and moved to go around her. She shuffled forward with the line. Then she glanced around and saw that bananas were on sale.

“Banana bread!” Margaret cheered. “I haven’t made that in so long and I think I do deserve a treat now and then.” She smiled, picked up a bunch of bananas, and continued on through the store with purpose.

When she had gathered all the other ingredients, Margaret spied the last bag of walnuts hanging on the shelf. Oh how fortunate, she thought contently, reaching over to collect it, when a strange hand jumped in and grabbed it right away. Margaret gasped as a man turned his back on her and waddled away with the last bag of walnuts. Now perhaps on a different day, where Lucy had not got sick on her slippers, or Shirley had taken the time to call her, perhaps then Margaret would have simply bit her tongue and made some nutless banana bread. Plenty of people prefer their banana bread sans walnuts. But today, Margaret had a taste for walnuts and was not going to let some crumb make off with her last ingredient.

“Excuse me,” Margaret called after the man. He glanced aloofly over his shoulder at her, sneered, and turned the corner. “Now just wait one minute,” Margaret huffed and scurried after the man, who had not had the brains to go far beyond the next aisle over. She tapped the man briskly on the shoulder three times for good measure. That got the ninny’s attention and he turned around to face her, nearly taking her out with his shopping basket.

“Can I help you?” the man asked with a air of superiority Margaret simply could not stand.

“Yes, sir,” Margaret mocked him. “I believe you have my walnuts.”

“Your walnuts?” the man questioned coyly.

“Yes, my walnuts,” Margaret repeated. “Aren’t you a little young to be hard of hearing?”

“I can hear just fine, madam,” the stranger snarled back. “I just don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Don’t you toy with me,” Margaret raised her voice. “I can see you’ve got them right there!” She pointed into his basket where the bag lay. He swung them away from her.

“I have my walnuts in my basket,” the man announced, “but I certainly don’t have your walnuts. Perhaps try the nut aisle.”

“Now, don’t get you cute with me,” Margaret said and stabbed him in the chest with her index finger. “I was just over in the nut aisle with my walnuts, when you swooped in and took them from me.”

“I got these off the shelf, not from your cart.”

“You grabbed them right out from under my hand!”

“Well if they were not in your cart, then they were not yours,” The man hissed at her, coming very close to her face and spitting slightly. Margaret backed up into her cart. The man huffed.

“Pick a new nut!” he advised and walked away. Margaret was about to take her cart and go when she heard him mumble, “Crazy, old lady.”

And that was the last straw.

Margaret picked up a bag of dried fruit and threw it at the man. It hit him square in the back of his head. He spun around.

“Ha,” Margaret jeered,“take that!”

“You bitch!” the man spat, grabbed a bag of trail mix, reared back his arm, and launched it at her with all his strength, just as the store manager walked passed with a box of canned beans. It hit Margaret straight in the chest and she took a few steps backward.

“What is going on?!” the manager roared.

“Oh, sir!” Margaret wailed, “you came just in time!” She hurried over to the employee, panting and patting her chest.

“This man,” Margaret explained and pointed accusingly at the stranger, “stole walnuts right out of my cart! And when I went up to confront him, he attacked me!”

“What the hell did you do that for?” the manger gaped at the man.

“N-no, no that’s a lie!” the man stuttered. A few passing shoppers had paused to stare at this point. The man whirled around.

“She threw something at me first!” the man explained desperately.

“The nerve of you, accusing me,” Margaret gasped and gripped the store manager’s arm for support. “I would never hurt a fly!”

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave, sir,” the manager said, taking charge. He walked up to the man and put a guiding hand on his back, forcing him forward.

“No, no, she really hit me,” the man babbled. “She did, she hit me first!”

“Really sir, throwing things at an elderly woman!” the manager shook his head. “Just for walnuts!”

The shoppers dispersed as the pair headed out the aisle. As the man passed Margaret, still trying to explain himself, she slipped behind them, darted her hand into his basket, and retrieved the walnuts. She chuckled happily and took her place in the checkout line as the man was escorted out of the store.

The cashier smiled cheerily, “Did you find everything okay?”

“Why, yes,” Margaret answered, “yes I did.”