One Too Many

The electric light buzzed over my head and made everything in the bathroom including me look stark, pale and ill. In between the old tiles, which were a vague off-white, I noticed that the grouting had started to go a toad-green with mould. Every now and then the light would falter and then flare up again so that I felt like I was already out for the night in some dodgy, cheesy club.

The water had cooled to a tepid temperature and reminded me to wash up the three cups of tea that had been left standing too long in my room. Goosebumps rose on my skin. I stared at my puckered fingertips and thought for a minute about shaving my legs before heaving myself up, water cascading noisily down my body and back to the bath. The towel I wrapped around me was damp and smelt of stale water.

It was seven o’clock; I had an hour to get ready. Wrapping a towel around my head I walked through to the kitchen and grabbed a corkscrew from the drawer and opened a bottle of red wine. As the cork slowly emerged, a chunk from the bottom was missing. I’d corked it. Great. If I hadn’t been in the mood before, by the time I had found a tea strainer and poured the wine through it, clumsily spilling half on the worktop, half down my white towel, I really wasn’t.

Stomping up to the bedroom, which was warm and bright, I tried to perk myself up. It was a birthday party. It was a free bar until the money behind it ran out. It would be a laugh. The scent of my shampoo filled the room as I dried my hair. I didn’t know anyone. I was knackered. I had nothing to wear. Forty minutes later though, and I was ready, sitting in front of the TV, waiting for the cab. A loud blare of a car horn made me jump, before I realised it was my cab and I stood up, turned off the TV and the lights, checked for my keys and slammed the door.

“ Pick up from Honeybourne Close?”

“Yeah, that’s right, there’s a couple more to come.”

I could see the cabby looking at me in the rear view mirror, as shadows passed over the back of his seat and headlights filled the car and spun away again.

“ Going somewhere nice then?”

“ Just someone’s party. I don’t really know her, but, you know, it should be alright.”

The conversation was forced and I gave an unnecessary laugh as he looked up again, eyes flicking back and forth. The fixed smile was beginning to ache a bit so I cleared my throat.

When we pulled up outside Sam’s house, I sighed as he beeped the horn and shifted in his seat, shaking the beaded seat cover. Oh Christ, I thought as Sam and Kate bowled out of the front door, tripping over their own feet.

“Luuccy.” Sam said as she ducked into the back and threw an over-zealous arm around me. Kate climbed in the front, slamming the door and yanking her belt on.

“ Alright Luce?”

“ Not as alright as you two. Started early did we girls?”

“ Well, we did have a bit of a liquid lunch today. And Sam had that bottle of champagne left from her birthday, so -”

They giggled and began to tell me the gossip from their office. I listened for a while but my mind began to drift as I looked out the window. It was dark already. The shop fronts were all garishly bright, mannequins posed unconvincingly in perfectly fitting clothes. I squirmed in my too-tight jeans and pulled my top over the button and belt loops, breathing in.

As we pulled up outside the pub, my heart sank. It was an absolute dive. It looked like the type of place you would only ever venture into if you felt like life wasn’t really worth living and the best way to end it was to get your head kicked in or be stabbed by a broken Stella bottle or a snapped pool cue.

“ Is this really it?” I said “ God, it looks like hell on earth.”

“ No, it’s alright in here, honestly. We came here for John’s leaving do didn’t we Sam?”

As Kate finished speaking, the side door of the pub flew open and a chunky skinhead rolled out, arms whirling like a windmill.

“ See? The riff-raff are already leaving, we’ll be all right. ”

We crossed the wet street, picking our way round the puddles and as we stepped through the door a wave of noise hit us, as well as the pub smell of slops and smoke. Everyone seemed absolutely hammered. Drunken conversations were being yelled in every corner, shot glasses were slamming down on sticky tabletops and weak looking pints were rapidly disappearing down bobbing throats.

Hanging our coats up, I read a sagging banner over the bar that read ‘ Happy Birthday Anna’ and noticed the half-inflated balloons hanging limply from the light fittings. I didn’t even know Anna. She was some work colleague of the girls. I either had to get really drunk, really quick or leave now before anyone could stop me.

“ Come on you,” said Sam “ My round, what you having?” With these two in tow the first option was inevitable.

“ Glass of red please.” I replied, thinking here we go.

An hour later and I had started to get into the swing of it. The quick succession of drinks had turned the buffet from soggy egg sandwiches, wrinkled cocktail sausages and Value crisps into a feast fit for a king. I wandered over, a little unsteady on my feet myself now and weaved to avoid getting rammed into by a group of lairy lads. Once I had got to the wobbling paste-table I watched as the sweaty mob yelled random lines of a song and jumped about, pints sloshing all over the stained wooden floor. Definitely rugby boys, I thought. The office team.

Beyond them, Kate and Sam were slumped in a booth, both with the expression of absolute sincerity that comes with being drunk; they were debating something or other, eyes wide, glasses empty.

“ Hey, you two, what’s going on here then?” I asked

“ Kate thinks I’m a mug for getting back with Ben, Luce. I mean, I know he’s a shit sometimes and that, but I really love him, no…I mean…no, I know what I mean, I really do, like, love him and -”

“ Yeah but you can’t just say that, ‘oh but I really love him’, like some battered wife on ‘Trisha’,” Kate said, in a firm voice. “You don’t even trust him, not really, not like, really really”

They’ll be at this for hours, I thought. I motioned towards the bar and slipped past the table. The bar was heaving, everyone waving notes frantically now that the money behind the bar had run out and shouting to the barmaid. She looked likely to punch the next person that said “ Oi, darlin’”.

Pulling down on pump after pump, her meaty forearms looked like they were definitely missing something. Two tattooed anchors, I thought. Her ears were almost covered with gold hoops, decreasing in size the further up her ear they went. Her short, gelled, peroxide hair was a similar shade of yellow as the Elizabeth Duke jewellery that she had decked herself out with. A sovereign, a large MUM initial ring and a giant golden clown on a necklace were big enough to catch my eye, even from the back of the queue.

I nudged my way past a couple kissing, two girls downing bottles through straws and was nearly in sight of a small space at the chipped, puddle-covered bar when a bloke emerged, red-faced, juggling two pints of lager and a Guinness.

“S’cuse me darlin’. Comin’ through.” Stepping back hastily I managed to shuffle further away from the bar and drop my purse as he squeezed his rounded, Tottenham-stripped torso past. I was never going to get to this bloody bar. Muttering and bending to retrieve my purse, I caught the eye of a man as someone behind shoved into him.

“ Careful,” he said, then to me “ Are you alright? Want me to get them for you?”

“ Oh that’d be great. Can you get me a glass of red wine, a Tia Maria and Diet Coke, and a vodka, lemonade and lime? Thanks. ”

I held out the crumpled note but smiling, he shook his head and turned to the barmaid who in my mind, was now christened Popeye. It dawned on me I’d have to talk to him after this. He seemed ok. The greasy curls covering his shirt-collar and knock-off leather jacket weren’t really my thing, but the least I could do was be polite. Eventually he emerged holding two pints.

“ Can you take these, I’ve got the others back there,” he said. “ Which one’s yours, I’ll bring it out next.”

“ Oh, the wine is mine. Can you manage?”

The bar had started to clear at this end, everyone flocking to get old Popeye’s attention, chasing her, pressing against each other, trying to catch her eye.

“ Yeah, I’ll be alright, bear with me a sec.”

I glanced back to the table, Kate and Sam were still locked in debate or maybe they had got to the stage of telling each other how much they loved one another, it was hard to tell.

“ Here we go, I just got you the house red, I hope that’s alright.” He set down the three drinks and I noticed his lean face was pockmarked with acne scars. He was older than me, late thirties and he seemed nervous, eyes darting to my face and away again.

“ So, how do you know Anna?” I ventured.

“ Oh, I don’t. I’m just here on my own. This is my local.”

He gave a twitching smile, blinking a lot and rubbing his face, fingers with dirt under the nails worked on his jaw, cupping his chin.

“ On your own and drinking two pints?” I asked “ You’re on a bit of a mission aren’t you?”

“ Saves time. The bar’s so busy. Bit of Dutch courage as well.”

He met my eye and stared meaningfully. God, now he really thought he was in with a chance. He smiled and asked “ What about you, how do you know her, Anna?”

“ Oh no, I don’t know her either, I’m just here with a couple of friends.” I pointed at Kate and Sam.

“ They’re both wasted actually, I’ve been trying to catch up all night, but after a certain point you never can, can you?”

“ Oh we’ll see about that,” he said “ Go on, drink up.”

He smiled again and looked at the glass. I’m not going to get stuck with you for the rest of the night I thought. Raising the glass, I drained it, giving him a closed-lip smile.

“ Actually I better go and see if the other two are alright, but thanks for the drinks,” I said.

“ No problem, I’ll catch up with you later. My names Gareth by the way.”

“ Oh, I’m Lucy. Nice to meet you Gareth.”

I sidled off, rolling my eyes. I suddenly noticed how full of smoke this place was. It hung in a fug just below the ceiling and clogged in my nose, caught in my throat. I began to cough as I staggered to get to the booth. Recovering, I set the drinks down and wiped my eyes.

“ God. I couldn’t breathe for a minute then. Here you go girls.”

“ Cheers Luce. Oi, who was that bloke you were talking to, didn’t look like your usual type.” Sam started laughing, rocking over the tabletop. I watched her, my head suddenly heavy. I started to feel sick.

“ I know, I know. He just got us the drinks because the bar was so busy. He was a bit weird, he’s shy I think. Probably still lives with his parents.”

I cleared my throat trying to shake off the feeling. My tongue seemed thick and gummy on the floor of my mouth and I felt light, like my arms and legs might just rise up and float there, in front of me, of their own accord.

“ God, I feel pissed.” I murmured.

“ Tell me about it,” Sam agreed, nodding at Kate who was now asleep, her head lolling back into the corner of the booth. “ I’ll wake her up then I think we’re going to make a move, it’s a dive in here. I’ll just say bye to Anna”

My stomach turned and Sam’s retreating back just dropped away into blackness. Flickering bright flashes punctured the void - white then red as light passed through the blood in my eyelids. My whole body felt loose, like liquid and all I could think was if I can make it to the toilet I’ll be all right. I lurched up, forcing my eyes open and gripping onto the table, sweating with the effort. I haven’t had that much to drink, I told myself, come on.

“ Got to get to the toilet.” I managed to mutter. Kate was still asleep. Sam had disappeared.

I staggered towards the TOILET sign, my head reeling. My eyes felt like the ones sown onto stuffed toys, that when you shake, the plastic pupils jiggle about. The sign wouldn’t stay still.

“ Oi, love, you alright?” A Tottenham strip flashed in front of me and tried to steady me. “ ‘Ere, she’s fucked.”

I pushed the stocky body out of the way, desperate to keep going, my back aching and my stomach feeling like it was trying to crawl up my throat and escape. I banged through the swing door, nearly knocking someone out as she applied her lipstick in the mirror.

“ Watch it, you stupid bitch.” I heard her shout as I whirled into a cubicle and slumped onto the toilet seat.

Reaching out to draw the bolt across, the sign rotated to ‘Engaged’ and a sharp jolt of pain jerked through my head. I closed my eyes, dipping into the pain and slipping away.

When I opened my eyes again, it felt like it had been a couple of moments but the toilet was empty, dark and silent. The cheesy music that had been blaring earlier was gone; the drunken yelling had vanished. I tried to get up but my limbs refused to move. I had, at some point, wedged myself between the toilet and the graffiti-covered cubicle wall. I could just make out a poster with a picture of a blond woman, looking thoughtful, her chin resting on her hand, now defaced with a felt-tip pen beard, moustache and lacking a few teeth. The slogan above said “ Worried? Think you may be pregnant? We are here to listen.”

As I flopped back my head still swimming, I heard the door swing open. My mouth gaped, trying uselessly to speak. There was a scrabbling and the sound of metal on metal as someone fiddled with the lock. The door swung open and for a minute I couldn’t see who was there. Then my vision cleared and I saw the skinny bloke from earlier. Gareth. He was smiling and holding the dinner knife that he had used to turn the lock.

“ Hello Lucy, now what are you doing down there?” He reached forward and pulled me, by my ankles out of the cubicle. “ I’ve waited for you Lucy, I’ve waited until everyone left, so now we’re all alone. So tell me something Lucy, why didn’t you stay and talk to me earlier? That wasn’t very nice of you was it? I only wanted to get to know you a little bit Lucy. You should always get to know someone before…”

He reached toward my fly, fumbling with the button. I tried to scream, to move, to wriggle out of the way, to raise my arm and hit him. I lay like dead wood, motionless. He freed the button and began to lower the zip.

“ Now just be quiet, there’s a good girl. I won’t take long.” I shut my eyes. The wine. The fucking wine. He’d even asked me which drink was mine. He was struggling to ease the jeans over my knees when the door banged open and a stocky figure blocked the light.

Gareth looked up, his expression dissolving from a powerful leer into melting, pale, twitching fear. A pool cue came smacking down onto his greasy, curl-covered head. He slumped forward, onto me, eyes shut and a trickle of blood emerged on his forehead.

The barmaid, gold clown swinging, earrings shaking, hauled him off of me and picked me up.

“ S’alright love, I’ve got you. Thought I heard something as I was bottling up. Nasty little shit. Been coming here for years. Never thought he’d pull a stunt like this though. ”

She held me upright in her beefy arms and managed to get me out the door and onto a seat.

“ You sit there love, I’ll call the old bill. He’s not going anywhere. Runt like that hasn’t got a chance with me.”

I watched her move away, the short hair still in place, comb furrows running though it, an inch of black roots showing. Her muscled arms swung back and forth as she marched to the phone and lifted the receiver to her many-hooped ear.