The Hills Have Eyes

                     The Hills Have Eyes

                           By Richard Geneva

His two front teeth were missing, and he had several rows of freckles that ran across the bridge of his nose linking up the two ginger pillars of hair that hung down either side of his pink face. He looked a pure soul, what with his straw hat on the back of his head. A kind of fresh-faced American geek from the foothills of Kentucky. He was chewing a piece of grass and smiling at the camera with that kind of “Aww shucks” expression which equally said, "It's me, folks!"

Brett Duvall, a leading reporter for NBC, was interviewing him.

            "Well, Jed is it true what the folks around here say?"

            “What that be then?” he drawled in a southern accent that came from way up in the mountains. His eyes looked dreamy faraway and unfocused, eyes that may have seen something but what it was well.

            “That you saw something out there the other night.” Duvall indicated towards the forest and hills that towered behind them.

Jed pulled his shoulders back and stood as tall as he could, all six feet seven inches of him. He swallowed hard, "Well, sir, it be like this…"

 

In a bar in Trussville, Clementine Clampett was watching the ten o ‘clock news. She was saying to her cousin, “Well I’ll be darned look up there! If it ain't that simple good for nothing two-bit layabout brain dead what the hell! Kenny, turn up the sound."

The three of them stood there in the dimly lit bar. Outside in the dark Kentucky night tumbleweed was blowing through the lonesome town.

            “…I was making my way down from Possum Mountain when I hear me a mighty weird sound like a moose crying. It sounded like this.” He put two hands up to his mouth and threw back his head and started making a noise like a coyote with its balls trapped in a snare. A kind of high-pitched wailing which made the interviewer put his hands over his ears. “What the…”

            “Well look at that dumb ass…" Clementine grasped her cousin's arm, and they both started laughing,

            "Do you remember when he came in here, and you slipped half a bottle of after-shave into his drink? The dumb fuck came back from the “John” downed it in one and ordered himself another beer without batting an eyelid?”

            "Hop Diggity!" cried Candy, "He was so dumb that he sent the second beer back because he said it tasted funny." They started screeching.

            "…Yes, sir, the moon was real high in the sky. It hung there like a big piece of lemon pie. Why my Aunt Jessica used to tell me…" 

Jed was basking in the glory of the lights. Folks gathered around, encouraging him to do good, and he stood proud, excited, but not quite sure why.

 "…That if ya'll dream and think real hard enough ya'll have anything ya'll want."

            “But Jed what did you see? Was it a Big Foot? Could it have been a UFO?”

It was quite evident that Brett Duvall was becoming a little unnerved by Jed's lack of understanding of the situation. After all, this was going out on national news, and somehow this mountain boy was not entirely with it. Jed looked deep into the camera like he was trying to figure out what was going on inside there. He scratched his chin and began twiddling his ginger sideburns. He put his tongue in the gap between his teeth and leaned his head on one side and just stared at the camera open-mouthed.

            "Oh shucks!" he mumbled "A U Big Foot what?" then a big silly grin came over his face and he stood there looking down on Brett Duvall and shoving him a little said "I ain't gonna tell ya'll. My Aunt Jessica she said I ain't ta talk ya'll see about nothing."

By now Clementine, Candy and Kenny were near hysterical with laughter.

            “Why not?” said Brett Duvall looking puzzled.

Jed hung back slightly, "Cos, I'm too bashful." And with that, he put his thumbs behind the straps of his dungarees. Then he started swaying from side to side like a small boy.

            “But you did see something out there, didn’t you?” Messages were coming over Brett Duvall’s earpiece. “Who is the guy? Ask him what he’s got in his pocket. Humour the dumb ass!”

            "What you got in your pocket, Jed?"

Jed brightened up suddenly. "I'm real pleased ya'll ask me about that there."

Jed moved closer to the mike and lowered his head. “Well in this pocket I got me a real live baby rabbit that sure wished it would kick a bit more cos I darn like that squidgy soft feeling of something warm rubbing agin my leg.”

            “So, do I" replied Brett, flashing a smile at the producer who stood off-camera. She grimaced and gave him the middle finger. With that, the cameraman got the giggles. Jed on seeing this did not understand the laughing and thought it was him they were laughing about, so he slapped Brett on the back-Hillbilly style, which made him nearly swallow the mike.

            "Hop Diggity do-dog!" hollered Jed. "We're gonna 'ave ourselves a real moonshine party."

Utterly oblivious to the camera crew Jed grabbed hold of Brett Duvall, whisked him off his feet and began swirling him about like a rag doll on the end of his colossal arm. The crowd clapped their hands. They were singing at the tops of their voices “She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes!”

In Trussville, they also were singing “She’ll be riding six white horses when she comes.”

Back in NBC Studios, the station telephones were red hot with people ringing up.

            “God damn! We don’t subscribe to your station to see some dumb ass sodbuster. We want news, not stupidity."

“The funniest thing I’ve seen in years. Why that Jed boy should be a star, he’s crazier than a coot.”

 

Clementine and Candy left Kenny's Bar shortly after midnight. They were driving upstate to Louisville the following morning to work the Cowboys Convention.

It was a warm night they drove under the stars not bothering to pull the top over the convertible. The car swished along the trunk road heading down towards Route 66 where it would swing right and move towards Hopkinsville where they shared an apartment.

Candy was resting her head on the back of the seat and looking way up into the stars.       

"It sure is a lonely night tonight. They say them stars is so many miles away. Yet you feel at times you can plume reach up and pluck them right from the heavens. They’re just hanging there like silver jewels.”

            “You getting poetical honey? The only jewels we’re gonna reach up and feel is when them country boys lower their breeches” Clementine laughed.

            "He was just a simple boy. He had no clue about what to do. I mean when we went into the small shack at the back of Kenny's that there Jed didn't even know why we were there! And when I started rubbing myself agin him and whispering sweet nothings like “Fuck me big boy!” he near ran out of the shack saying that was not the kind of language his Aunt Jessica would approve of.”

            "My soul Candy you cannot help but feel sorry for his dumb ass. He's certainly had no education up there in the mountains. I mean naivety doesn't even come into the equation."

And so, they drove on under the star-filled sky unaware of the watching hills.

Kenny came onto the porch around two in the morning. The last customer had just left. From behind a large black cloud, the moon suddenly appeared bathing the bleak wide-open prairie in a pale grey light. It was silent out there in that big solitary country apart from the wind whispering down the distant hills. Kenny knew that the season would soon be changing and that rain would blow in from the Appalachian Mountains in a month or so.

He was an older man. Since Martha died five years ago, he had run the bar himself working from morning till night with seldom a day off. Since they had built the new Highway, the business was barely feeding him and his dog. So, for a few dollars extra, he let the two girls turn a few tricks for the occasional passing strangers that called in on their way down to the Olde Opera House in Nashville.

His dog was acting mighty strange yelping and sniffing the ground.

 "What is it, boy?"

Then suddenly it sat bolt upright and took off in the direction of the hills.

            “Come back here ya stupid mutt.”

It disappeared into the darkening night. In the far distance, he could hear the dog barking, and then sudden silence. His instincts told him something was wrong. It felt that out there where the dog had gone murder was being committed.