Lonie27

The Hillman Imp took them smoothly through the security checkpoints at Goldenwell. Lonie began to feel uneasy again and clutched at his stomach, leaning against the door outside the secure unit, coughing and struggling for breath.

‘Are you alright?’ Audrey expected that terrible noise to come from the back of his throat and for him to throw up some horrible green mucous at her feet and treat it as some kind of childish joke, as he was prone to do, but he did look ghastly white.

His fingers worked their way up the stone wall as if clutching for handholds and he pulled himself upright. He took a deep breath and seemed to relax into it. ‘It’s just…Ah fuckin’ hate these places.’ He could see Audrey was concerned about him. A ghost of a smile pressed on his lips. ‘Gi'e me a minute.’ He pressed the bell and took deep breaths. ‘It’s just that there’s nothing worse than goin’ in there and bein’ smothered in brick.’

‘Are you sure you’re ok?’ Audrey had adopted the tone of a hectoring school mistress, prompting a track runner to finish the race.

‘Fine.’ Lonie swaggered into the unit at the door, where they needed to get authorisation to access the secure unit.

A different guard was on from the day before, a pasty- faced man, who looked as miserable as Lonie. Everything went smoothly from that point, their feet echoing on the high ceilings as they followed Brother Connelly and they were soon sitting in Father Campbell’s office sipping tea and making small talk with Lorna and Jim.

‘Sorry, lunches,’ Lorna was sitting crouched in near the coat rack. ‘I need to go.’ She looked across to where Jim was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Audrey.

Jim taking the hint, stood up, gulped down his cup of tea and his head jerking from side to side, like a traffic warden, looking about for somewhere to put his ticket, decided the best option was to take his mug with him and walked out the door with it. Lorna, with a prim apologetic smile to Audrey and then Lonie, followed Jim out of the office.

Father Campbell finished speaking on the phone and turned to face his guests, his back ramrod stiff against his chair. ‘I’m sorry,’ he gestured towards the phone and shrugged. ‘I’m glad to meet you Miss?’

‘Crowood,’ Audrey stood up, she felt a sudden urge to curtsy, her white hand bobbling about in front of her.

Father Campbell’s two bandaged hands embraced hers in a warm handshake. ‘May the peace of Christ be with you,’ he intoned, then added with a laugh, ‘Crowood, that’s an unusual name.’

‘Yes, I’m sure we’ve been here yonks. Probably longer. I used to take a terrible ribbing at school. People caw, caw, calling me and poking me in the back. I suppose they thought it terribly funny.’ Audrey sat back down in her seat, beside Lonie, facing Father Campbell. ‘I wanted to ask you,’ she said tentatively, ‘about that ceremony those Brothers go through when we come into the ward?’

‘We call it upper Dorm.’ Father Campbell, corrected her, his hands were crossed one over the other in his lap, as if in answer to a different question.

‘I think it’s the beginning of Compline.’ Lonie sat with his hand up in the air holding a fag, the smoke framed his face and made him look more knowledgeable. He gazed through the office window and nudged Audrey with his knee. Brother Connelly and Jerome were escorting a small man all beard and shoulders. The self-styled Beast of Rannoch Moor physically didn’t measure up to the weight of headlines he’d produced.

‘Compline, or Upper Dorm.’ Audrey appealed to Father Campbell, ‘I’m not sure what they mean?’

But it was Lonie who answered her. ‘Compline is a prayer, usually spoken at the end of the day. It asks God for His protection.’

‘Protection from what?’ The silence of the room was broken by Audrey’s foot slipping against the floor as she leaned forward and sat back again.

‘Let me put it this way.’ Father Campbell picked his words carefully; his head poised as if he was listening and someone was dictating what he said. ‘If you are familiar with the Salve Regina “To you we sigh, groaning and weeping in this vale of tears…” then you would understand that we are asking Our Blessed Lady to intercede for us sinners before The Most High God. We ask for her intercession because we feel incapable and unworthy of appealing to Him ourselves. Compline asks for the same kind of intercession, but it is a child’s prayer, asking for protection from the everyday spooks and phantoms that we create in our heart, carry around with us and pollute others with.

Audrey looked over at Lonie. He shrugged as if to say: beats me. She apologised. ‘Look, I’m not very religious. But why should priests need protect? When they’re priests.’

‘Ah’m no’ very religious either,’ sighed Lonie.

Father Campbell giggled. He held his hand up, until he collected himself. Through his bandaged hand a red dot of blood was evident. Lonie and Audrey’s eyes were at once drawn to it, but they quickly looked away. ‘Let me say that not all brothers are priests.’ Father Campbell gained a more sedate tone. ‘Let me put it this way.’ He leaned forward again, hiding his bleeding hand like a bird shelters a broken wing. ‘In the Magnificant Mary’s reply to the angel sent to her "Magnificat anima mea," My soul magnifies the Lord, is the basis of all prayer. We can only magnify what is within us. We can add nothing to God, but we can take something from ourselves and make this world a better or worse place. Do you understand that my child?’

A strange feeling grew within Audrey. ‘But why would you need protection? You’re a good man. I’m sure you’re a good man.’ She felt like burying her face in her hands.

‘No man is good,’ said Father Campbell sadly.

‘Aye, there’s a lot of sheep in wolf’s clothing,’ added Lonie, slyly kicking at her foot as a reminder they were working and not to be so sappy. ‘So you say a quick prayer in case you catch some kind of metaphysical bug from here and spread it around? Is that it?’

Father Campbell giggled. ‘Well, I’ve never quite thought of it in those terms…’

‘Where’s the contagion then?’ Lonnie cut in. ‘Is it Carol and Larry? Are they the behemoths that…’

‘No. No.’ Father Campbell shook his head sadly. ‘The monsters are within all of us.’ He pointed his finger at Lonie and giggled, ‘especially you.’

‘I don’t pretend to be educated and I don’t really get it then.’ Audrey felt a bit left out, as if the Catholic boys were bonding over a bit of Biblical quiz and she was the fat girl, umming and ohhing on the side-lines, brought along to referee. ‘You’ve got this big piece of rock.’ Audrey looked up at the plasterboard false ceiling. ‘In the centre of it you’ve got two people, a man and a woman. If we’re all monsters why are they locked up? More specifically, if they committed all those horrible crimes, why are they locked up here, in a mental hospital, and not just locked up in a normal prison?’

‘She’s got a point,’ said Lonie.

‘Because they’ve got the devil inside them and they’re very dangerous,’ said Father Campbell simply.

Audrey looked towards Lonie for support, but he just shook his head and reached over for his Woodbine packet on the table. Lonie eased out of his chair and held out a fag for Father Campbell. He took it and leaned across so that Lonie could give him a light. The two men sat back with their chin tilted to the ceiling, in contemplation of smoking.

‘If I called the devil would he come to me? Would I be dangerous?’ Audrey asked.

‘You’re dangerous enough,’ said Lonie and started laughing at his joke. Father Campbell, his fellow smoker, joined in.

‘No.’ The afterglow of the joke was still on Father Campbell’s face and he smiled at Audrey indulgently. ‘You can’t just call up the devil. He’s a very proud fellow. God, however, is very humble. He gave his only begotten son. He will meet you anywhere and at any time. All you have to do is ask for His mercy.’ Father Campbell leaned across to flick his fag ash into Lonie’s ashtray.

‘But hypothetically…’ Audrey’s voice was sharp.

‘You better watch,’ said Lonie, ‘she’s good at hypotheticals.’

‘Hypothetically, if I wanted to call on the devil, what would I do?’

Father Campbell turned to face her. ‘There’s no hypothetical with the devil. He does not play games.’ His face was solemn and his voice more so. ‘The devil waits and finds you in your weakness, he finds you in sex, in drink, in drugs, in gambling, in all manner of places. He places a mark of ash on your forehead and turns your heart from good to bad. He is salt upon the water.’ He shook his head at Audrey. ‘Do not fool with the devil young lady and do not take him lightly, because he takes himself very seriously indeed.’

‘Wow,’ said Lonie, trying to lighten the situation. ‘Ah guess it’s like that joke with the housekeeper.’

Father Campbell started giggling even before he heard the punch line. Audrey smiled at him indulgently.

‘The housekeeper was one of these old buddies. She's cleaning the house and there was one of these fancy lights with all sorts of silver mirrors on it. She begins picking one off and polishing it. Then another, until she’s got four or five fittings sitting on the dining room table. When she puts it back together there’s still three parts left lying on the table. The parish priest passes the dining room and sees her on her knees praying to Saint Teresa. He comes in, picks up the light, and looks at her kneeling there and say: “you better ask Saint Teresa to find us a screwdriver”.’

Audrey laughed dutifully. Father Campbell, as he tittered, smacked at his knees.

‘You want more tea? Father Campbell asked Lonie and then Audrey. Neither did. ‘I would just say this to you young lady. If you get to meet Carol Peters she will seem in every way perfectly normal. But be very careful about what you say and what you do in her presence. This place is, as you have pointed out, a rock, but it is also a powerhouse of prayer, with two dark beating hearts at its centre. Be on your guard. For she may inflame your heart and mind.’

‘What about mine?’ said Lonie.

‘Well, yours too,’ said Father Campbell, ‘but I’m not sure you’ve got a heart.’

‘Oh, Ah’ve got one all right.’ Lonie looked at Audrey, but she looked away. ‘Do you think Carol Peters will see me?’

‘I doubt it.’ Father Campbell stood up to greet Lorna and Jim who appeared at the office door. ‘But she has agreed to meet with Audrey. Hasn’t she Lorna.’

Lorna smiled back at him. ‘Yeh, but I’ll need to be in attendance and, perhaps Jim too.’

‘Hing on.’ Lonie looked up at Father Campbell. ‘Ah thought Carol Peters didn’t want to meet with any men.’ He pointed towards Jim. ‘Is he no’ a man?’

‘That’s different,’ said Lorna smugly.

‘How?’

‘Just is,’ she said.

‘Ok.’ Lonnie knew there was no arguing with that kind of woman’s logic. ‘What if I interview Larry Murray instead?’

‘No,’ said Father Campbell.

Jim laughed his chins bouncing up and down, his specs falling off his face. ‘God loves a trier,’ he said.

Audrey piped up with. ‘And he’s very trying.’

But Lonie was already thinking ahead, wondering where Jim stayed and what pub he drank in.