Lonie73

Sleet and snow raced the Hillman Imp along the dual carriageway to Helensburgh and Cardinal Robbin’s residence. Lonie was nursing a hangover and had a head like a hive of bees. They’d already had a bit of a tiff. He was saying nothing more. Having the heating on full blast dried his throat out and he wanted to fart, but thought that would put her in an even worse mood. He kept making huh, huh, sounds, but that was drowned out by Radio Clyde playing Honky Tonk Woman on the radio and jabbering rubbish when it finished.

Audrey leaned forward, her neck arched, head bent and pointing at the road ahead as if she was keeping the car in line by sheer concentration. She was glad when she flicked the indicator and turned right into the driveway of His Eminence’s palatial house.

The Monsignor rushed, with a gold-coloured golf umbrella, from the front door to meet them coming out of the car. Lonie elbowed his way under the brolley, but it was a sixty-forty split. It pushed him out into the cold and had him stomping on the red stone chips to the side of The Monsignor and getting his coat sleeve sleeted on, but at least he could fart freely. The Monsignor left the brolley folded up in a stand in the cloakroom. There wasn’t any hanging about in waiting rooms, or briefings, like there had been the last time. They were whisked straight through to Cardinal Robbin’s overheated study.

The Monsignor retreated silently, the door clicking shut, a smell of air freshener and fag smoke locked in with them. His Eminence came from behind his desk to meet them. He held out his hand, offering Lonie the chance to kiss the ring on his finger, but whipped his hand just as quickly away when it was declined. He made no move towards Audrey. Instead, he ushered them into the seats in front of the window.

‘Wild weather!’ Cardinal Robbins moved around his desk and before sitting down, nodded towards the window, where sleet and snow could be seen beginning to lie on the stone walls, walkways and lawn outside.

‘Ah see you’re back smokin’ again.’ Lonie pulled the packet of Woodbine out of his coat pocket and gestured towards the ashtray on the desk.

‘Yes. Bit of a stressful time, but God willing we’ll pull through.’ He pulled open his desk drawer and put a packet of Menthol cigarettes and a gold lighter on the table.

Lonie sniffed and looked over at him. He thought the Cardinal looked younger, energised.

Audrey got her pen and pad out of her bag and crossed one leg over the other, ready to make shorthand notes. She looked older.

‘Well, I guess you heard about the sad demise of Father Campbell?’ Cardinal Robbins lit a fag and shrugged.

‘God called him home.’ Lonie grinned. ‘That’s what I wrote in our report.’

His Eminence glared at him. ‘Exactly.’ His back rested against his chair and he flicked some ash towards their shared ashtray. ‘Well, as you know we’ve had our differences in the past.’

‘Whit differences?’ Lonie cut in.

Audrey looked up from her notepad. She’d nothing in it but doodles. ‘Yes, what differences?’

Cardinal Robbins took a deep breath. He held his hand up to his mouth as he began coughing and coughing, stubbing out his fag in the ashtray, his face a puce colour that matched his robes. ‘Sorry about that!’ He held his hand up to ask for a minute to get his breath back and reached across and put his packet of cigarettes in the drawer, and shut it firmly. ‘Where were we?’ His face beamed good humouredly at them.

‘You were going to tell us about the imminent closure of Goldenwell Hospital?’ Audrey bit her lips as she smiled at His Eminence.

‘Aye, she’s right.’ Lonie pointed towards Audrey, with a note of pride in his voice.

‘Well, in confidence, my discussion with the British government is on-going. These things, of course, are confidential.’

Lonie blew fag smoke across the table. ‘So whit you’re sayin’ is, we came all the way out here for nothin’?’ He leaned over and stabbed his fag out until it was crumpled up in the ashtray. He looked across at Audrey, his cheeks blowing out in exasperation.

Audrey uncrossed her legs, folded her notebook over and smoothed out her blue skirt.

Cardinal Robbins watched them standing up preparing to leave before he spoke. ‘What I can say is Father Campbell’s unfortunate demise has led to an upsurge in those interested in becoming priests and nuns and we’ve been receiving donations from all over the world for the continuance of his good works.’

Lonie sat down again, shifting his knees sideways, as if he wouldn’t be staying long. ‘Money? How did you no say that before?’

Audrey put her bag down by her chair and pulled out her pen and pad.

‘Well, the prayers and goodwill are more important than money, but it has been a nice gesture of sympathy.’ Cardinal Robbins smiled like a favourite uncle. ‘There’s also been a number of cures attributed to his intervention. A 66 year-old woman in Montreal with lymphatic cancer and a six-year old boy in Dordogne with some sort of auto-immune disorder.’ He held up his hand. ‘There are others. All of which need to be thoroughly investigated. We’re also having to deal with an unprecedented amount of mail, making donations, but asking for some form of reliquary.’

Audrey flipped over a page. She looked up. ‘What’s a reliquary?’

‘It’s a wee box which keeps relics.’ Lonie frowned as he tried to remember. He spoke as if explaining things to himself. ‘Usually it’s a bit of cloth or perhaps a piece of bone from a Saint that’s died. During the middle-ages they had to burn about three separate crucifixes because they were heretical and weren’t the true cross, which was, of course, in the Vatican vaults.’

‘So it’s like a lucky charm?’ Audrey smiled more at the way the Cardinal squirmed in his throne-like chair, rather than anything that had been said.

‘Aye, it’s lucky like a cat’s paw, unless you’re the cat. You hope that some of the luck will rub off on you.’

Cardinal Robbins interrupted them. ‘Our friend has got a mocking nature…’ He sighed. ‘It can be somewhat galling to those that don’t know him. A reliquary is just a small keepsake, a memory of someone that has been blessed in their life and hopefully remains even more blessed in the life hereafter. It’s a bridge between the two. We hope to honour them in this life by our prayers and we hope they will intercede for us in the life hereafter. It’s a bridge between the two and a reminder that in death there is life and they are intimately connected.’

‘Don’t you have to be a Saint?’ Audrey's face screwed up. She found it difficult to think of a flesh and blood man that she knew—and liked—as a Saint.

‘Not necessarily.’ Cardinal Robbins seemed more at ease. ‘That’s a process that can sometimes take hundreds of years. There’s no time limit. God does not work in linear time in the way that we do. I brought you here just to thank you for all the work you did with Father Campbell. He spoke very warmly about you both.’

‘Whit did he say?’ Lonie had lit another fag and he sat with his fag hand away from his mouth.

‘Excuse me?’ Cardinal Robbins looked confused for a second.

‘Whit did he say about us?’ Lonie waved his hand across to indicate Audrey and him.

‘Well, generally.’ His Eminence took a deep breath, before plunging on. ‘He said you were two people searching for God.’

‘Ah wisnae. Ah wis searching for a story. But Ah did like the man. And Ah’d a lot of respect for him.’ He looked across to Audrey. ‘We had a lot of respect for him. But whit Ah’ve picked up…Whit you’re telling me is the Secure Unit is secure. It will be kept open in the immediate future. Is that whit you’re telling us?’

‘God willing. It’s been a divisive issue. But the Catholic people have rallied round. We’re hopeful the Government will also do there bit. We oppose wholeheartedly the merger of Catholic schools and Catholic hospitals with their secular counterparts.’ Cardinal Robbins pulled open the top left hand drawer and pulled out two cards. ‘But it’s not just about that. These are invitations to Father Campbell’s requiem mass on Friday. These are like gold dust. I brought you here to give you these. He counted you as friends and would have wanted you to attend.’

‘Where is it?’ Audrey asked.

‘The Cathedral.’ Lonie jumped in like a heretic before Cardinal Robbins could answer. As Lonie knew all the other pressmen would be outside. The Fatman would be pleased with his inside scoop.