The Hanging Gardens of Babylon - Part One

. Based on factual evidence from - "Seventh Wonder discovered in inner city area of Midlands town." - A research document in exploration. Dr A Caddy/ Dr. Harris.

My name is Dr. Richard Harris, but people know me as the athropologist. It was the usual Friday afternoon crack, following on from a few pints of Smeaton's down the William Montnay bar, I retired to my tiny office in the department, tidied a few papers and settled down to my pipe. I drifted off slowly into a sleepy haze, only to be awoken by the noise of hammering and retching from a downstairs room. Agrieved, annoyed and distressed I made by way down the stairwell, passing the dodgy 1970's sytle board that welcomed me to the Acheaology faculty. The noise contiued and agitated I burst in abruptly - only to find what I assumed was a casual labourer chiseling his way into the beams of the Universities roof - directly under my office. Dressed in a soiled boiler suit, front teeth missng and fiercely smelling of booze, the man jumped down dropped his tool and offered his hand in welcome.

"Greetings, squire! Me names Caddy, Andy Caddy - or Dr. Andrew Caddy it says on me door! Pleased to meet you, an unexpected pleasure," he drawled with a well defined West Country drawl.

Shocked, perplexed and concerned all at the same time I retorted, "Oh! Hello....sorry to disturb you - but the banging was going through my roof, I suffer from migraines - wonder if you leave it for a few hours Dr. Caddy, in neighbourly duty.......perhaps."

"Oh! Sorry matey! All that!, I've almost finished putting me Yak's head up on the wall. You see it was a gift from the Wugga Womba tribe in the rainforests - just flew back from Rio de Janiro last night. Exciting work over there - Eh! You're Dr. Harris - aint' ya that maverick anthropologist. Recognise that ginger beard anywhere, ducky!"

"OK," I said. Seriously pissed off now I went to leave intending to slam the door in this muppets face.
"'Wait a minute - me old scurvy dog, I'll call it a day. Fancy a bite a mine? Got some excellent jungle brew from over South America - I've wanted to meet you for ages, to dicuss you're work - especially you're paper on 'Possessed Monkey's and the Dala Lama: "Inside the temple from the Outside"............................Groundbreaking work matey, truly original."

Somewhat impressed that someone had the time to have even admitted to read my research papers without coercion, let alone appluad them, I agreed. It was to be a fruitful and eventful evening that one day may be recorded in the annals of history.
Caddy's apartment was a state. Papers, books, fossils, cheapo sherry and wine bottles littered the place. We sat down to a game of chess, whilst Caddy poured his super-strength home-brew into blue plastic goblets.
"We must, Quaff more ale!," Caddy would shout without any hint or warning after making his next move.

"When two or more are gathered, a Quaffing we should go!," he slavered and slurred all over the place. We both conceeded that his home-brew could even rival Smeaton's in it's effects on producing exciting and profound states of altered conciousness. After chess, which I hands down won - albeit against Caddy whose one eye had almost totally closed into a pussy mesh of sleep we sat around on plastic bags on his floor and began earnest discussion of our academic escapades. We had a lot in common apart from our ascend alcoholism.

Firstly we'd both studied in Manchester. Caddy at Manchester Metropolitan and myself and the University. He'd shared digs with my brother down in Fallowfield, drank at Jabez Clegg off Oxford Road often ending up later at the same late night drinking dens for after hours indulgences. We even shared the same shrink - the late Professor Zuboff. I recollect, the old prof was later to come down or should that be up? in disgrace after being involved in bizarre homosexual love triangles and finally being caught pants down on a field in Whalley Range, just past a public schoolboys high school. We'd both gone stateside for our postgraduate studies, himself to Harvard, myself to Berkley in our search for truth.

Secondly we knew better now! Truth, what was that anyway?. We all know now it does not exist - only subjective opinion - no one has a monopoly on truth, afterall. So disillusioned we set off around the world, Caddy excavating sites in Saudi, the Phillipines, Alaska, Tibet and the Isle of Iona - for looking lost tribes and artifacts. Myself living with lost tribes and unqiue cultures in places as culturally diverse as Hemel Hempstead, Skelmersdale, Botivina (capital on the Weegie tribe), Rowidania and Blackpool. Is there a right - a wrong?, or are we just a bundle of braincells, ultimatley a chemical medley - living in a world guided by our own perceptions? Nothing less - nothing more?

Caddy slipped off to his drunken stuporous state into semi-sleep. I took this as an advantage to ransack the premises in my quest for more alcoholic beverages. I made my way meticulously through his draws, full of bits and bobs, dog-ends and papers. Books, foil, ethnic crack pipes, newpapers and a copy of Razzle big bums special. What struck me though was a selection of the most bizarre and somehow unneverving photographs I'd ever encountered - along with a strange beer stained map full of heirogliphics and rune like symbols. Quickly I took them out the draw, diverted by some magical force from my hunt for more booze - and began to study them.

On inspection they were nothing short of amazing. Surely, some spoof or hoax I thought. They depicted what looked like some dreadful pyramidial low-rise 1960's housing scheme
a vast expanse of concrete and PVC that could have been a sink estate in any large English city. However, surrounding the concrete, blossoming from the rooves and garages and cascading from the balconies of the scheme were the most beautiful flowers and flora that I'd ever seen. On close inspection you could make out a lake behind the low-rise and waterfalls and streams surronding the building. Another photo showed fountains and lush flowerbeds, these were down in what looked like a municipal car park, filling its once empty spaces with their marvelous splendour. Palm trees, leafed up from the concrete cracks and tropical evergreens were clearly visible. Amazing I thought, truly amazing! This must be some later day paradise or Eden rediscovered! Caddy, awoke startled from his inebriated fuzz and looked at me, still one eye closed and dribble running down his chin.

"Caddy, what on earth are these photograph's of! We're did you get them, is this genuine or a joke!"

"Ah ha!," Caddy stated enthusiasm and passion infusing him back to coherence. "So you're in. My little secret's out.....you're in now, Harris! You've seen the gardens!," he began to laugh booming deeply its sound echoing around the walls of his pad. He fumbled for his tobacco tin and pipe, lit it and asked me to sit down, what he was to tell me was to truly astound me.