The Baroness Mk2.

Hi Chuck. Like this a lot.

It's an interesting comfortably moving story. The way you paint it I feel I know these people and the situation. The transition seems a little jagged but ... Why do you ask why? Is it actually a story about your alien encounter last Friday night on your way home from the kebab shop and I have completely missed the point? ;)

Well, there you go Chuck, I had no idea. But I guess I would need general knowledge way beyond my current level to have spotted that one - or a crush ;). I liked it for the way it felt and the drug taking and bohemian society kept added an extra layer of interest. I guess for me it's all in the story and the way you laid it out.

Sorry mate, I'm just too uncultured for this game, perhaps I should quit while I'm behind, you know, come back when I've got less time? ;) Its no wonder I'm reluctant to comment on works here ;D lol I saw it as the daughter doing stuff her mother would rather not see and I did wonder why you had chosen to refer to it as The Seven Deadly Sins but that's my limit Chuck. Neither knew nor cared who wrote it or where they were from. I have no problem being honest with you. I spent too long listening to people in business pretending they understood stuff they didn't and then ending up with something completely different to what they actually needed, to pretend myself. I feel sure that the majority of your readers will pick up on your signals but my head is usually elsewhere and full of how I can change the things that I think I just might be able to make a difference at. Anyway, sorry again to not be able to bring you the insightful understanding of your work you might have hoped for. Cheers PS I would just add : "I didn't want to be too obvious" Where I live obvious is good, I want everyone to get my message, cultured or not (but I do respect that this is how you want it to work for you). As I've not really heard from you before Chuck would I be correct in guessing that my work is perhaps too obvious and direct for you? Or is my subject matter just uninteresting? ;)

I hear what you are saying Chuck. Thanks for your candid response and good luck with your work.

If I could sing Chuck.... ;) Just trying to make the best of what I have. I'm hoping that the voice will come in the next incarnation.

Your new version is better; I caught broken English on the second read. For once it is better because it is a little less opaque. I like the relatively simple language, too. Your poem can be appreciated without guessing the protagonist(s), but I enjoyed working them out. That's one of the problems with growing older, the cultural baggage is different and there's a lot more of it. :-) Reference the covers thread: The Ballad of Lucy Jordan is a really good one. It's hard to believe, listening to the Convent Schoolgirl's recording, that one time Dr Hook collaborator Shel Silverstein wrote the original. Ewan

Definitely this version - thankfully this could be enjoyed without threading all the clues together, 'cos I failed miserably. Margot