.18 running on tea

I feel like I’m yawning more than I breathe. 

My hairs overgrown, my beard a matted mess. 

The bags under my eyes are just getting heavier and heavier,

My eyes themselves permanently half open (or are they half closed?)

I’m living vicariously through cups of tea- 3,4,5 cups a day. 

My back and shoulders slump, I’m dragging my feet. 

What day is it? Monday I think, no... Wednesday?

Left in a quiet room I start.. to... drift.... off...

...                  ... 

...*no I must stay awake*

Nothing feels real, like in watching through the tv

yet if I pinch myself nothing changes

And I don’t want it to change, why would I?

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,

I just need to look into your eyes and I remember 

It’s all for you, my sweet darling daughter.