The Grail Knight, Part 1. (A radio script)

 

 

THE GRAIL KNIGHT

by

Gerard Corroon

 

 

 

 

 

Notes.

P is our protagonist, who is a teenager at college or school. Written here as a male, but just as suitable for a female.

SINGH is a male Sikh of late middle age. When he speaks it is apparent that he has Parkinson's disease.

Most characters can be played equally well as male or female.

SCENE 1. INT. CLASSROOM, AFTERNOON

P: (V.O.) There was a sign on the wall: 'In Case Of Emergency, Break Glass'.

SMAKE: ... so pair up and calculate the next 3 levels in the fraction wall. Go!

P: (V.O.) There was a single girl on the next table.

P MOVES OVER TO THE NEXT TABLE AND SITS DOWN.

P: Hi. Do you have any idea about these?

P: (V.O.) She was wearing a T shirt with the words 'Too Big To Fail'.

GIRL: Yeah. So it's half of one quarter?

P: Half of one quarter. Yeah. What's that again?.

GIRL: Look it's simple. If you split a quarter in two, what do you get?

P: Two quarters. Although probably each one is a bit smaller than a regular quarter.

GIRL: No, what's half of one over four?

P: I haven't done these before. I'm actually not that bothered about maths.

GIRL: Oooh. Negative attitude alert.

P: I'm going to play for Manchester United.

THE BELL GOES FOR THE END OF THE CLASS.

SMAKE: Thank you everybody, see you tomorrow.

GIRL: You know my boyfriend says: "Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your destiny. "

SHE GETS UP AND LEAVES.

P: (V.O.) Smart arse.

SCENE 2 EXT. WALKING BESIDE A RIVER, SOON AFTER

P WALKING ALONG THE RIVERSIDE PATH. SINGH'S LONG BOAT CHUGS SLOWLY NEARBY

P: (V.O.) Walking home along the river bank. Maths and English tomorrow. What's the point of any of it?

SINGH: (DISTANT SHOUT) Hello there! On the path!

P: (V.O.) I could be sick tomorrow. I don't feel that well right now, come to think of it.

SINGH: (CLOSER) Young man, catch my line!

A ROPE LANDS NEARBY

P: (V.O.) That man has got a towel around his head.

SINGH: Can you tie it around the bollard?

THE BOAT'S ENGINE THROTTLES BACK TO ALMOST NOTHING

P: That's it, I think . Is that ok?

THE BOAT BUMPS AGAINST THE BANK, THE ENGINE GOES INTO REVERSE BRIEFLY, THEN DIES. SINGH JUMPS ASHORE.

SINGH: There. Let's have a look.

P: Wow. Your boat is called the Princess of Kashmir.

SINGH: Yes she's a wonderful boat.

P: I thought Kashmir was a song.

SINGH: Kashmir is the most beautiful valley between the Great Himalayas and the Pir Panjal mountains.

P: Is that where you're from?

SINGH: Yes at one time, but this river in Old England is my final home now. This is a sacred river, did you know that?

P: Er, ah, I think I have to get a move on.

SINGH: Any time you're passing just call in. My name is Singh.

P: Oh ok. Bye!

HE RUNS OFF

 

SCENE 3 INT. AT HOME. SHORTLY AFTER.

DISTINCTIVE DOORBELL

MUM: Just a minute!

MUM WALKS TO THE DOOR, OPENS IT, P ENTERS, DOOR CLOSES

P: Forgot my keys. What's for dinner?

MUM: Food food food, that's all you think about. Why don't you give me a big hug!

P: Yeugh! Do I have to?

THEY HUG.

MUM: It's stew tonight.

CLATTER AS MUM MAKES THE FINAL PREPARATIONS FOR TEA.

P: Stew!. My favourite.

MUM: What did you have today?

P: Chips n' gravy.

MUM: And what did you do today?

P: On the way back I met a Jehovah's Witness on a boat. He had a bandage around his head, so he must have hurt himself somehow.

CLATTER STOPS AS MUM REGARDS P

MUM: A bandage with blood?

P: I didn't see any blood.

MUM: Remember what I told you about strangers?

P: I don't think he's a paedo or anything.

MUM: Well you know what I told you?

P: Yeah. Attend Ahead Avoid.

MUM: I think it's better if you keep away from him, ok?

P: Yeah. How long do we have before tea?

MUM: Only 5 minutes.

CLATTER RESUMES.

P: Great!

MUM: And keep away from the windows!

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES. THEN THE SOUNDS OF A FOOTBALL REPEATEDLY BEING KICKED AND BOUNCING OFF THE HOUSE WALL. MUM SIGHS.

SCENE 4. INT. CLASSROOM. NEXT DAY

P: (V.O.) Friday afternoon English with Mr Smake. Something else that I'm no good at.

SMAKE: Do we all know what marketing is?

GENERAL MURMUR OF ASSENT.

SMAKE: Has anybody heard of the catch phrase 'Come Alive With Pepsi'? From quite a long time ago?

GENERAL MURMUR OF 'NO'.

P: I've heard of Pepsi sir.

SUBDUED LAUGHTER.

SMAKE: Well Pepsi used 'Come Alive With Pepsi', all over the world. But in Japan nobody bought any.

GIRL: Maybe the budget could have used a little more muscle.

P: (V.O.) She was wearing a T shirt that said "If it's easy, you're doing it wrong."

SMAKE: The adverts had a bottle of fizzing Pepsi being poured into a tall glass next to the slogan, 'Come Alive With Pepsi', in Japanese. The consumers stayed away.

P: Perhaps they aimed too high sir, should have brought it down a bit.

SMAKE: A thoughtful Pepsi executive had the advert translated back into English.

GIRL: What did it say?

SMAKE: Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead.

LAUGHTER.

SMAKE: Now we'll all go on to Google Translate and try converting some common phrases into different languages and then back into English.

SCENE 5. EXT. WALKING HOME PAST THE RIVER. LATER

P WALKING HOME SLOWLY.

P: (V.O.) There was Francis Burns, Alex Stepney, George Best, Brian Kidd, Bobby Charlton...

FOOTSTEPS WALKING RAPIDLY FROM BEHIND, OVERTAKE HIM.

GIRL: (NEUTRAL) Hello.

P: Hi. Uh, who do you support?

SHE STOPS, THEN HE STOPS.

GIRL: Progress is to know more, to be more and to do more.

P: Right.

GIRL: Do you know who said that?

P: Matt Busby.

GIRL: Oscar Wilde.

P: Is he your boyfriend?

GIRL: Look I gave you a hint, but it's best just to say it straight. I don't suffer fools gladly, alright?

SHE WALKS OFF RAPIDLY. BEAT. THEN HE WALKS ON SLOWLY.

 

SCENE 6. EXT. WALKING HOME PAST THE RIVER. SHORTLY AFTER

P WALKING VERY SLOWLY ALONG THE RIVERSIDE PATH.

P: (V.O.) George Best, Pat Crerand, David Sadler, Tony Dunne...

SINGH: Hello again!

P: Oh hello, I'm sorry I've got to get back, horrible day at school.

SINGH: You know I was kicked out of my school.

P: Kicked out?

SINGH: Booted out.

P: What for?

SINGH: Come aboard and I'll tell you about it. Do you like tea?

SCENE 7. INT. INSIDE SINGH'S BOAT. CONTINUOUS

LAPPING WATER AND RIVER SOUNDS. P AND SINGH ENTER FROM THE DECK INTO THE WOODEN CABIN

SINGH: Welcome aboard the Princess of Kashmir.

P WALKS ALONG THE BOAT'S CARPETED CORRIDOR

P: It's massive in here. I can't believe it.

SINGH PUTS THE KETTLE ON, MAKES THE TEA.

SINGH: Yes the Princess wafts us along in style and splendour. You can either have a nice refreshing British cuppa with milk and sugar, or, try an Indian adrak wali chai.

P: What's that?

SINGH: Ginger tea with cardamom and lemon grass. Not only is it delicious, but while you drink it you'll never have a cold again.

P: (V.O.) I wasn't going to have any fancy grass tea.

P: Er, just a British cuppa thank you.

SINGH: British cuppa coming up at flank speed.

THE TEA IS MADE AND POURED. THEY BEGIN TO DRINK.

P: That thing you're wearing, that's a turban?

SINGH: Yes. I am of the Sikh faith.

P: Uh, you said you were kicked out of school?

SINGH: It was shame upon me. I went to a regular school, but it was, how shall we say, a bit upper crust. The teachers encouraged intellectual thought, but the Sikh faith was regarded as paramount.

P: So did you do something bad?

SINGH:: I was fairly intelligent, but I actually told my teachers that I thought that the Christian way of morning and evening prayers was better than the Sikh way.

P: They probably didn't like that.

SINGH: No they didn't. Hence the boot. Then about 15 years ago I came to Britain on a foolish quest.

P: A quest?

SINGH: To find the Holy Grail.

P: (V.O.) Now that was why he had that towel around his head.

P GULPS DOWN HIS TEA .

P: Thank you. Gotta go.

SINGH: That was quick. Next time I'll show you why this river is sacred.

 

SCENE 8 INT. AT HOME. LATER..

DOOR OPENS, P ENTERS, DOOR CLOSES

P: Mum, what's for dinner?

MUM: Sausages and mash. I do hope you're hungry, because I've made too much.

CLATTER AS MUM MAKES THE FINAL PREPARATIONS FOR TEA.

P: My favourite.

MUM: It's just cupboard love with you isn't it?

P: Mum that man is mad.

MUM: The stranger?

P: He's a Sikh. He says he tried to find the Holy Grail.

MUM: I see. Mrs. Shelf knows him. She works at reception at the outpatients, and says he goes there quite a lot. She told me confidentially that he has Royal connections in India.

P: He said he would show me why the river is sacred, but I don't think I'll go. How long have I got?

MUM: Less than 5 minutes.

P: Great!

MUM: Less than 5. And keep away from the windows!

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES. THEN THE SOUNDS OF A FOOTBALL REPEATEDLY BEING KICKED AND BOUNCING OFF THE HOUSE WALL.

SCENE 9. EXT. OUT ON THE RIVER ON SINGH'S BOAT. THE NEXT MORNING.

THE BOAT ENGINE CHUGS STEADILY.

P: (V.O.) We were on the river on a glorious morning. Or it would have been glorious except that we passed the drifting carcass of a cow.

SINGH: Here we are.

THE BOAT ENGINE THROTTLES BACK, THEN STOPS AFTER A FEW SECONDS.

SINGH: Drop the anchor over the side will you?

ANCHOR SPLASHES.

P: (V.O.) Singh disappeared for a minute, then he was back on deck wearing trunks and goggles, and made a great show of jumping overboard.

SINGH: Geronimo.

SPLASH AS SINGH JUMPS OVERBOARD.

P: (V.O.) Actually the water only came up to his chest. (WADING) He started ducking down below the surface.

SINGH SURFACES.

SINGH: A-ha. Got something. Give me a hand will you.

SPLASHING AS HE GETS BACK ON BOARD.

SINGH: Have a look at this.

P: (V.O.) I examined the object. It was a sort of chunky square made out of blackened metal.

SINGH: It's a belt buckle, probably from a scabbard.

P: It looks old.

SINGH: A long time ago people used to throw weapons, especially swords, into rivers and lakes.

P: I've heard about this. So basically the river is a god. If I give it something, it will give me something back.

SINGH: That's how Westerners think. No, they were giving life to the river.

P: You know maybe you're over thinking this. Maybe they were just dumping broken stuff.

SINGH: Do you think so?

P: Yeah.

SINGH: Well would you like to see what the river has yielded to me over the years?

SCENE 10. INT INSIDE THE PRINCESS OF KASHMIR, SOON AFTER

P AND SINGH CLATTER DOWN THE STAIRS INTO THE CABIN, SINGH CLEARS ITEMS FROM A CHEST, UNLOCKS THE CHEST AND OPENS IT

SINGH: Have a look.

P: (V.O.) Mr Singh had opened up a chest, about four feet wide. Inside were three long wooden boxes, superbly crafted in light coloured wood.

SINGH: Open one.

P PICKS UP A BOX, OPENS IT. P GASPS

P: (V.O.) Of course it was a sword. I had been expecting to see slivers of blackened metal, or maybe just a lump of handle.

P: Good God.

P: (V.O.) Three feet of bright, sensuous metal. A leaf shape blade, at it's widest about eight inches from the point. How it shone!

SINGH: Pick it up.

P PICKS UP THE SWORD, AND IT RINGS LIGHTLY.

P: (V.O.) In my hand it felt potent. I let the light play up and down the blade..

P: How old do you think it is?

SINGH: I have a friend at the British Museum who helps me date my more interesting finds. He thinks that this one is from about 1200 BC.

P: Three thousand two hundred years old.

SINGH: You see the quality of the sword?

P: Oh yes.

SINGH: Then you see the quality of the man who carried it. Only the truly best would have been permitted to give the sword to the river.

P: A good man? Like a warrior?

SINGH: Good men are useful for providing bowls of gruel. Warriors are useful for planting turnips.

P: Who then?

SINGH: A man in a dark cave who once heard a story of the Sun. A special man.

P: (BEAT) How can a man in a dark cave find the Sun?

SINGH: To begin with he must renounce the world.

P: That sounds a bit difficult.

SINGH: It is difficult. Very very difficult, and it is just the beginning.

P: Well what else does he have to do?

SINGH: He must overcome fear.

P: OK, I get that.

SINGH: He must overcome greed.

P: Greed, that makes sense.

SINGH: And he must overcome love.

P: Overcome love? He must overcome love?

SINGH: Even this is not sufficient, for there will be traps opened in several places.

P: It sounds completely impossible.

SINGH: There will also be dark angels working against him.

P: Dark angels? No one can do that.

SINGH: Now you know the difference between a good man and a knight.