piss test (short story)

Mum brings me to a medical lab to do her piss test (she calls it that and she laughs when I say it. It’s a swear word though) after the social worker tells her she has to do a test today.

Earlier in the day, the new lady social worker had come around to our flat and said to my Mum i’m sorry jeannie but you know it has to be random and it has to be today or it doesn’t count for court and gave Mum a form for the piss test that Mum has to take to the lab today.

Then the social worker talked to me a tiny bit, mostly about school, and she asked how are you malakai then she just left. When she walked out she said to Mum thanks for having me and Mum laughed heaps after she left and said like i have choice lady. She said that to no one, but maybe she was talking to me. I dunno.  

I remember the social worker smelt like clean tree smells and I wondered if maybe it was her clothes detergent or a perfume she had put on, on purpose.

At the lab, the lab-tester (it’s a new one I haven’t met before) leads Mum into a room and I sit in the waiting room watching the bubbles pop in the water machine. Every few seconds a pop.  

Mum says when she does the piss tests the lab-tester gets down on her knees and watches the pee come out of Mum’s parts. She says they do this because some people try to fake the test. I don’t get it.

Mum comes out with the tester and then we get on the bus. Mum tries to talk to me about my homework but she just says “homework”, and I don’t have a one “homework”, I have lots of different little homeworks so I just say it’s going okay because sometimes it’s easier than explaining everything to adults.

I try to ask Mum how the piss test went, and she just says she won’t know yet, maybe even next week. She says next week and her eyes go all sad like it’s bad news. I tell her im sure it’s going to be fine because I watched a boy say that when his Mum was sad on a show once and she got better. Mum looks at me funny but then she hugs me and whispers thank you in my ear, all quiet. She always hugs my sister, but she hasn’t hugged me in a while. It’s because my sister is baby and you gotta hug babies, it’s the only way they know who you are.

Mum and me get to see my sister on Fridays because that’s when Mum is allowed access. We go to a little room and the new social worker watches me, Mum and my sister. Mum lets sister have the boob sometimes, but this is just so it doesn’t dry up. But also because my sister has to live with the McPherson’s. They’re a family on the other side of the river in a big house. I used to live with them too but then the social worker, a different one (not the one from this morning, that one was a lady) said I could live with Mum now. I remember Mum crying when I came home and she explained it was good crying. We gotta wait until my sister can come live with us and I wonder if Mum will good cry then, too.

Anyway, we’re on the bus and Mum’s looking not at me. There’s a lady in the seat in front of us and I can her hair is thin and her head-skin is visible underneath. She’s real old, and I want ask Mum why the lady’s hair is yucky like that but Mum says sometimes its rude to ask about people on the bus when they can hear you.

Mum is fidgeting next to me (I learnt that word in school when the teacher said I kept fidgeting) and the she just says let’s get off at the next stop but I don’t want to because it’s nowhere near our building. Mum says we aren’t going home. don’t you want to do something fun? and I guess I do.

We get off the bus and Mum walks me to a crosswalk. There’s a McDonald’s across the road and I guess maybe that’s where we’re going. Mum’s looking in her purse and she’s saying do you think they still have fifty-cent ice creams? and I’m excited to get the ice cream. Mum looks less excited, but her face is hard to tell sometimes, especially now that I know about happy crying.

We get to the McDonalds and Mum pays for two ice creams in cones by putting all her silver coins on the counter and the register lady looks all angry but counts them anyway. Me and Mum sit in the McDonald’s playground and eat the ice cream and Mum looks at me real weird, not quite sad but not happy. Maybe I’m in trouble. I ask if I am and Mum says no baby, no way, i just want you to know i love and i wanted to do something fun.  I finish my ice cream and climb up the playground. I slide down and there’s another boy there about my age, but he looks different and doesn’t speak. Mum tells me later that he’s Chinese, she knows because she heard his parents talking a different language. My Mum can speak Chinese, I’m always learning new things about her.

When I’m tired of playing Mum says what else do you want to do today. it’s gotta be free though. I have too many choices so I say i don’t know. let’s go home. Mum looks disappointed (which is a type of sad) and we go on the bus home, we’re the only people on the bus except the Driver. I always say thank-you to the Driver when I get off and today he says to Mum he’s a very polite kid and Mum says thank-you and I think I see some water on her face. Maybe it’s happy cry.

We’re at home now and Mum is looking for dinner, but she also keeps coming back and sitting with me while I watch YouTube.  This never ever happens. She asks me what I’m watching, and I say police show and she laughs and says you’re watching Cops? But then she looks at the video and says oh it’s just a cartoon about police. i see. She keeps asking all these questions like what’s my favourite YouTube show and wants me to show her how to use the apps, even though I know she already knows. She’s doing that fake-interested voice adults like teachers and the social worker do when they want you to say things. I don’t know why she’s doing this, and I wonder whether the ice-cream was the dinner?

She crawls up close to me on the couch and cuddles me. I look at her and she’s got tears, and I ask is this happy crying? And she says no but then says don’t worry, do you know I love you so much? and I say yes i love you too mummy. She nods and buries her head in my tummy, laying down now. Mum is crying so much, and I can even hear it like hup-hup-hup.

I say the thing from TV again, everything’s going to be fine mum and she shakes her head and says you don’t have to worry about that. Then she’s still got tears but no hup-hup. I feel like something is wrong, but it can’t be wrong because Mum’s holding me.  

She looks up at me because I put the iPad down. would you want to live with your sister she says and I said you mean her come live with us? and she shakes her head and says i meant you go live with her across the river. She’s force smiling and crying and maybe this is happy cry, but I don’t care enough about that right now because I don’t know what she means. I ask her is this about this piss test? and she doesn’t even laugh at me saying piss test, and there’s a long silence, and I know it was long because I counted to ten. Finally, she nods her head and says i don’t think it will go very well which I don’t understand because she already did the test?

mummies make mistakes she says, but I already knew that. i made a mistake. do you remember when my friend Robert came over the other day? and I nod. Robert is a muscle man who has tattoos and a pit-bull named Sally, which is so funny. well because of Robert and me’s mistake the test is not gonna go well and Mum starts make the hup-hup crying again.

I hug her and I want to tell her about all my mistakes I made too, like at school when I cut the wrong page from the notebook or when I didn’t say sorry for being mean to Alexis, the girl in my class and sometimes-friend. But I know somehow it won’t help because she’s so sad, so I just hug her again but this makes her cry more.

is there anything special you want to do on the weekend? she asks when the crying stops. I now reckon something’s going to happen after the weekend, something not good. And it’s still too many options, so I say give me three fun things to pick from, mum.  

Mum lists three fun things I pick the funnest one - going to Nanna’s house to see the ducks. The weekend’s not part of this story though, I just wanted to tell you about this part. I wanted to tell you the things I know about my Mum, and what Mum has taught me about. It is:

-        She can speak Chinese;

-        She reckons you always say thank you to the Bus Driver;

-        You don’t ask questions about people on the bus, because it’s rude;

-        You can have cereal for dinner but only one night, not two in a row;

-        She knows how to happy-cry and I saw her do it once, and;

-        The lady at the lab watches your pee come out of your parts.

There’s lots more. I’ve always known Mum, since I was little, and she’s always shown me things and it’s probably too many to put in a list. Maybe I could do one of those poems with each letter of her name as a new word? An acrostic. J-E-A-N-N-I-E.

We have leftovers later. I finally ask what’s so special about this weekend mum, is it a secret? and she smiles with the food in her mouth and says every weekend with you is special. She doesn’t seem so sad now so I stop feeling so worried in my tummy. We hug some more after dinner watching Mum’s favourite TV show which I don’t like but I don’t care because I’m with Mum and I fall asleep on the couch with her.

We wake up next day on the couch and go straight to Nanna’s. On the way out I can see Mum is putting lots of my clothes in a bag, but I don’t understand because we’re only going to Nanna’s for the day I thought?

What did you do today?