I was at war.

By crazydaizy

Fri, 26 May 2017
  • 644 reads
2 comments
 

He’d only been thinking about tomorrow when I’d been thinking about forever, and that was what hurt most.

 

So, I sat there in that same corner again, back where I had started: longing for someone that I couldn’t have.

 

Just like that shooting star, we’d come and gone, and I didn’t think we could come back. We had disappeared, and that hurt more than words could say.

 

The stab wounds began to heal, even if the knives weren’t gone just yet. I could breathe again; I could smile again and mean it. None of that mattered anymore.

 

So, when we started to fall we didn’t mind.

 

I was at war, and I was losing.

Certificate 15
Poem
First Collection Ever
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Ewan on

most definitely. I wonder if you might consider a more traditional format for your poem? Also removing a few words here and there might also create more impact...

Look at this for your first few lines...

He’d only been thinking about tomorrow.

I’d been thinking about forever,

that was what hurt most.

I sat there in that same corner back

where I started: longing for someone

that I couldn’t have.

Just a suggestion, good luck with your poetry.

best

Ewan

 

 

 

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by crazydaizy on

Thank you so much for the feedback! Will definitely work on these things. It would mean alot If you read my upcoming posts, and give your feedback on that too. :)