Fractured Spade Nozzle

I had just been working on my latest novel - a thriller that focuses on the activities of the UN 3 years from now. Israel and Palestine are embroiled in a full-scale war and it's up to Derek LeCha, an intrepid singer-songwriter, to put an end to it. The story begins with him winning an 'X Factor'-esque gameshow called 'Factor X'. He struggles with the fame, can't decide which jeans to wear and within a week is addicted to smack-cocaine sticks. After a brief sojourn in the Priory he comes out a new man and decides to apply for a job at the UN so he can try to sort out this "shitting war". He gets the job straight away and is flown out to the centre of the conflict. He writes a song called "Come on Guys, What's the Point? Yeah?" It's released as a single with the ballad "You Got Co-Coconut on my Ko-Ko-Koran" as the b-side. It becomes a smash hit sensation in both Israel and Palestine. He tours the two countries and resolves all religious disunity. A pivotal moment is when he wakes, very much like Paul McCartney, from a musical dream:

"Derek LeCha awoke like a frightened schoolgirl cornered by a paedophile. This moment was seriously pivotal and he bloody knew it."

It was when finishing this sentence that there was a knock at my bedroom door. It was my flatmate Emily. She asked if I broke her Guiness pint glass. I said that I did. I'm now only allowed to drink from a plastic cup.