The Garden

Daddy, I love you very much. You’re the best.

Thank you sweetie. I dearly wish I could say the same about you. I find you irritating and pointless I’m afraid.

Daddy?

Yes darling.

Where’s mummy? She’s been shopping for three days now.

Well you know your mother sweetie. She’s so indecisive. I’m sure she’ll be back soon.

Daddy?

Yes pumpkin?

Why were you digging in the garden last night?

Were you spying on me you little rascal?

No! I heard a bang outside my window and felt afraid. Then I saw it was you and I felt safe again.

That’s very brave of you. I was digging in the garden because I was worried we had a burst water pipe.

Is that what that big lump was? Was it a pipe?

It was a fat, useless, naughty pipe my angel.

Daddy, why were you putting the fat, useless, naughty pipe into the ground?

You’re not a complete imbecile are you dumpling. I think it’s time you learnt about honesty and trust.

Yippee!!

Two weeks ago I caught your mother having an affair with your Uncle Mark on the butternut squashes. In my confusion, I hit her and Uncle Mark square on the head with a spade. They’ve both been in the freezer for a few days until I had the opportunity to bury them last night.

Oh. Does that mean mummy won’t be coming back?

It does poppet. Now go to sleep. You need lots of energy so you can help me plant some more vegetables tomorrow.

I love you Daddy.