what can i do?

They came into my home not out of any choice of mine but because of necessity. It made me feel uncomfortable strangers coming in twice a day. At first I stayed out of their way, left them to their job, glad when they left. But time blurs the edges of those boundaries we set in life – the lines we don’t want to or feel we shouldn’t cross. Time was blurring the line between me and them; they became familiar. They started to talk to me; like I was a person, like I was… a friend.
That’s where the rot set in. One of them seemed drawn to me more than the others; when she was supposed to leave she would stay on, talking to me about her likes and dislikes and about how useless her boyfriend was. He was a drunk by all accounts, lazy, would rather spend time drinking with his mates than with her. She sounded lonely and I suppose that touched my own loneliness. At that point I didn’t think much too it; just two people talking but she seemed to enjoy my company… I told myself I was imagining it, tried to draw back from her, after all she had a boyfriend but she wouldn’t let me. I became confused; it’d been a long time since I’d dealt with anything like this; the truth was I didn’t think I would ever have too again.
I determined finally to call her bluff – I asked her out. I know she had a boyfriend but that’s why I knew she’d say no. It would all be over then; she would be annoyed at my asking her and I could put the distance back between us that I should have never allowed to close.
She didn’t say no. She turned up at the agreed time and the agreed place and we spent a wonderful two hours together, we walked, we talked, we laughed and joked. When it was time to go I wanted to kiss her, I think she wanted it too but I bottled out of it afraid it was more wishful thinking. I watched her drive off and knew I wanted to do it again.
She came back into my home on her job, I didn’t know what to expect but… it was like the afternoon had never happened; she was the same, polite talkative woman she’d always been but …
I guess I don’t understand women I thought, jesus I don’t know. Did I delude myself? Now it hurts to look at her, to talk to her to be in her presence.
She acts like the afternoon didn’t happen, doesn’t talk about it just keeps telling me what a stupid lazy drunk her boyfriend is.
I want to scream at her to leave him that I would treat her better…
She talks about going on holiday with him and my chest feels like it’s on fire.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I was never prepared for this, never wanted this. I was content to be alone, the outsider, the loner. I never wanted to feel this way ever again and now I know why.
All I can do is stay away from her, don’t look at her, don’t talk to her. All I can do is try to build the wall back up inside me. But still she comes into my home and still it hurts.