Chapter Two

Chapter Two

 

            “LET’S GO! YOU HAVE SCHOOL! GET UP! YOU HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES UNTIL THE BUS COMES FOR YOU! LET’S GO!” I awoke to my mother banging on my door and screaming at me. I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. My hair is a mess. Great. Yet another bad hair day. Looks like today is going to be yet another bun day because I overslept, again. I tied my hair in a messy bun on the top of my head, brushed my teeth, threw on some shirt that was hanging out of my drawer along with a pair of jeans, then ran right down stairs to quickly eat and catch the bus.

            “Wow J, yet another day that you missed good pancakes because you decided to sleep in.” Ren, my annoying eighteen year old brother taunted me as I was already upset about being late. “I mean if you just, I don’t know went to bed earlier or set your alarm or anything really you could have had a really good breakfast but no you wanted to sleep.”

            “Oh shut up Ren.” I shot him a glare as I walked over to the fridge to see what food was edible enough for breakfast. Nothing. Great another apple for breakfast. I quickly ate my apple then ran back upstairs to brush my teeth ever so fast and get my bag. By the time I was back downstairs and pulling on my shoes, the bus was honking the horn.

            “J COME ON! STOP MAKING HIM WAIT!” my mom gets annoyed every day that the bus has to wait for me. Oh well it can wait two more seconds as I get out the door. As I climb the stairs I see Nel waving his hand at me from the back seat. He always gets on first so we always get to hide in the back of the bus. From my house there is about a forty-five minute ride because I am only the third person on the bus.

            “Nice shirt. Was it another ‘wake up late and grab a shirt’ day?” Nel can always tell it seems. I never really know how but he can. I slide into the seat next to him and throw my bag down on the bus floor.

            “Yeah it was. Is this a real bad shirt?”

            “Nah you’re fine. It covers your forearms and is pretty nice looking actually. Where’s it from?”

            “I think from Way-lynn’s. I buy everything there so this shirt is probably from there.”

            “Of course. How could I forget? Roll up your sleeve I want to see the damage.” Nel is always concerned about my cutting. He hates when I do it but understands at the same time. I self-harm way more than he ever did but he still gets it. I roll up my sleeve and show him. He scans my arm from my elbow to my wrist, as always. His normal smiling face is gone by the time his eyes reach my wrist. “J… I think that’s the worse you have ever done. Baby why didn’t you call me before hand? I would have come over even if it meant sneaking out or, oh god I’m gonna say it, running.” Nel is not the most athletic guy ever. He’s about six foot and weighs around two-twenty. I look like a shorty next to him. I’m only five foot four inches and weigh about one-fifty.

            “I don’t know, Nel. I was in a bad state of mind. Like worse than I ever am. I know you would have come over and held me as I cry like a baby on you, like you always do but that thought never even entered my mind.” Nelson has been coming over and cradling me as I ball my eyes out into his shirt since the sixth grade. Before that, I would just cry myself to sleep. A lot of sleepovers have come from me needing him there with me. “And I hate to tell you, but there’s more…”

            “Show me.”

            “We need to change seats then ‘cause they’re up high on my thighs.” I get out of the seat then he follows. I slide in and he follows. I crouch down and slide my jeans down to the end of the cuts. They are still pretty dang red and puffy but the pain that is also still there, feels good.

            “Okay. You can put them back on.” He sounds so sad, almost like when he’s about to cry. I look over and see his eyes water. To him, I’m like his sister. He is an only child and we grew up together and have treated each other like siblings since we met. I slide my jeans back up and fasten them together. “That’s a lot J. You need to stop. I know I tell you this daily but it really has to because that’s terrible. You are getting closer and closer to your wrist and you keep going deeper. If you don’t stop J, I swear I’m going to have to out you. I don’t want to but I don’t want to lose you. I’d rather you be mad at me for the rest of your life than not being able to see your face ever again.” I turn and look out the window because his face is just too sad to bear.

            “It will… I just need to learn how to stop…” I can’t seem to talk louder than a whisper right now. I didn’t even notice that I was crying until I felt tears on my hands. Great now not only do I look like shit, but everyone will be talking because I was crying. Awesome.

            “J, please. I know it’s hard but I need you to call me or text me or yell for me. I need to know before it happens. How do you think Ren and your parents would feel if they lost you because you got upset and cut really deep one day?”

            “It’s not like they would care…. Or notice. I’m invisible to them. I’ve been like this for how long? And they’ve never even seemed to notice a tiny bit. They wouldn’t care…”

            “Jennifer, please look at me.” I don’t even know why but I decide to turn to look at him. “Thank you.” He takes my hands and looks me in my eyes as he talks. “I don’t care that they haven’t noticed because I have. I know they love you and care about you and would hate it if they lost you. They need their baby girl in their lives. It doesn’t matter what you do, they need you. I need you. If you can’t do it for them then do it for me and just me.”

            “I can’t do that…”

            “And why the hell not? Huh?”

            “Because I can’t even manage to send one text with the four letters saying help when I need you. How am I supposed to stay here for you if I can’t stay here when I’m not even at my worse?”

            “Because you will remember. You will. It may not be slapping you in the face but the thought will be in there somewhere and you’ll stop before you do anything. You don’t break promises, J. You never have. Have you?”

            “Not once.”

            “Exactly. Can you promise me something then?”

            “What?”

            “Text me. Or call me. I will come once I hear my phone go off.”

            “Okay.”

            “An ‘okay’ won’t cut it this time. I need a pinkie-dinkie-promise.” A pinkie-dinkie-promise is another thing we made up in kindergarten. We pinkie promise then bite the other person’s pinkie. We were violent children now that I think about it… We interlock pinkies then bend our heads to bite. “DAMN! THAT HURT!”

            “Oh grow up ya big baby.” I flash him a smile then lean onto his shoulder. “What are we going to do?”

            “We are going to get through life one day at a time. I’m sleeping over your house tonight. I don’t care what you say or what either one of our parents say. I have a feeling you are going to need me tonight and because I did not just let you bite my finger off for nothing.”

            “Fine but I have to write a paper tonight for history. Gross.”

            “That’s fine because I think Project Runway is on tonight. Actually I think today is the finale!”

            “Can you get any gay-er?” I manage to laugh a little at my own comment.

            “Um yes actually I could. I could be prancing around and not take part in wearing guy clothes or manly clothes or I could go wear skinny jeans. OH! Or I could go and dye my hair. There’s a lot that I could go do.” Nelson had a point there. Aside from the dislike of playing sports and his fashion shows that he watched, he was just like a straight guy. Watched football whenever it was on, wore “normal” guy clothes, never wore skinny jeans, and never got his hair done. If he didn’t like dicks as much as I do, then we could run into a ‘friendship gone relationship’ type of thing going on. Not really what I want to do because he’s like a brother to me. Just then the bus pulled into the school’s parking lot and stopped for us to get off.

            “And another day in hell has officially started.”

            “Well not really since the bell hasn’t rung…” We rise and start to make our way off the bus with our bangs tossed on our shoulders. “Do you think they actually have coffee today?” Our school sells breakfast in the morning but seems to run out of coffee really quick. Not a huge surprise but it would be nice to have some once in a while.

            “I hope so because I could really go for a cup today.”

            “I couldn’t tell.” At that comment I jabbed him with my elbow into his side. “OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?”

            “For that comment of me needing coffee!!!”

            “HEY! At least I didn’t say you’re like this because it’s ‘that time of the month’!!!”

            “Well you could have but that is not the reason so don’t say it!!!”

            “I don’t want another elbow to the side so I shall refrain from that. I will simply ask if you want me to buy you a cup of coffee.”

            “Yes please. Cookies ‘n’ crème if they have it. If not then I want French Vanilla.”

            “You got it.” We finally get off the bus and head for the doors of the café. Nel reaches the doors first and opens the door for me then does his stupid bow-while-extending-his-free-arm thing to tell me to go first.

            “Gosh you are such a dufus.” I laugh again and walk through the doors and head for the café. “I SMELL IT! NEL, THEY HAVE IT!!!”

            “OH MY GOD WHAT DAY IS IT!? WE MUST MARK IT OFF!” We link arms and skip stupidly down the hall which gains us many glares but we’re used to that by now. I mean we only have each other and don’t really care about having any other friends right now. The old ones were shit to us. We reach the café to see a long line of teens eagerly waiting to get their cup of coffee before homeroom starts.

            We reach the front of the line and Nel orders his coffee and mine. We grab our coffees then head back down the same hall towards our lockers. Somehow Nelson and I got lucky enough to have lockers next to one another and the exact same schedule this year. It was a miracle because I hate not having him in a class. The only reason why I have a paper to write tonight and not him is because he actually does his work ahead of time instead of waiting until the last minute like I do. He has straight A’s and always has. I’m getting close but barely.

            As I open my locker I realize what class I have first today.

            “Shit.” Nelson had just opened his locker as he turned to look at me.

            “What is it now?”

            “We have pre-calc first. And it’s double. This day is going to be so slow and terrible, mainly because we then have PE and history then art and Spanish and GOD I HATE SCHOOL!”

            “It won’t be that bad. Come one you have to keep a positive attitude.”

            “Fine but I’m still going to hate today. And it’s Thursday, not even Friday.”

            “But there’s no school tomorrow. Remember?”

            “THIS DAY JUST GOT SO MUCH BETTER!” We finish grabbing what we need from our lockers and head into homeroom with our long awaited coffees. As always, we go straight to the back and sit patiently