Calban Attends A Concert : A Night Out (Ch.17) Part 4

Part 4

 

     Vera had by now detected his interest in Clarella, confirmed by the memory of a similar conversation at the concert the week before. Knowing his shyness and fear of women, she spoke to him, as sisters should, when the group dynamics distanced them from Clarella and other listeners. At first Vera tried to procure his admittance to having feelings for Clarella. That was difficult for Calban to admit because he also had feelings for Vera, which, of course, he had hidden from her, knowing her attachment to Jairis. Surely Vera must equate his ardent attention to her, partly as being a natural male’s interest in an attractive woman. He suspected that she did not quite appreciate just how attractive she was to the male sex.

 

    Vera prised out of Calban that he had enjoyed talking to Clarella. She commented that Clarella had spent much time talking with Calban, and the two of them seemed to get on very well.

 

     “Yes we did,” admitted Calban.

 

     “Do you think she likes you?” asked Vera. Calban reddened imperceptively, but Vera detected it nonetheless.

 

    “She seemed to like me alright, to talk to. But of course she doesn’t know me yet,” he said.

 

    “What do you mean by that?” enquired the inquisitor.

 

    “Well when I do meet people they’re often keen to talk to begin with, but the next time you see them they aren’t so keen. Perhaps Clarella will be the same with me, perhaps not. I don’t know,” declared Calban.

 

    “I doubt it. She’s a very friendly woman. All Neo Creadds are.”

 

    “Are they?” he asked. “I think you’re right. They have all been very nice people so far. I haven’t met anyone I don’t like so far. But there are bound to be some who suffer from the same weaknesses as the rest of society.”

 

    “Yes,” agreed Vera, ”and as we grow in numbers, and if we become a huge movement to change the world there will be people who only share some of our values, jumping onto our bandwagon. But they will be welcome. We need those people as well if we’re going to change the world,” said Vera. “But I was talking of Clarella. Do you like her?”

 

    “Yes of course, she’s very friendly. She seems to have a strong motivation to change the world,” Calban spoke in the way he felt an earnest Neo Creadd should.

 

     Vera laughed knowingly, “Do you think she’s attractive Calban? I am talking about whether you’re interested in her?”

 

     “She’s a very lovely lady,” he said, not wishing to say more about his innermost feelings, particularly to a woman, and one whom he also had feelings for. Calban wasn’t used to sharing his innermost feelings with anyone, and although he had confided in Vera who he did regard as a friend, he could not easily talk about sexual feelings with any woman.

 

    “Well I may be a woman, and not always accurate in determining the feelings of a man, but I think I detected just a little excitement in your manner the other night. You found yourself talking to someone you regard as pretty attractive and it made you shine. It was written all over you, as they say,” said Vera.

 

    “Well yes, I suppose I do find her attractive. She is an attractive woman. Any man would.”

 

    “She’s not just any woman though, is she Calban?”

 

    “No, she’s better than most, not only to look at. I suppose what made it such an enjoyable evening for me was that she put enthusiasm into our conversation, and she was very attentive to me.”

 

    “So I was right,” declared Vera.

 

    “I suppose so.”

 

    “Well from where I was standing, I think you both seemed to get on very well. I thought she seemed to like you Calban,” said Vera.

 

    “Do you really think so?”

 

    “I can’t say for sure, but I would say, for an initial meeting you both carried a pretty good conversation for a long time. And I saw the body language. You were excited. Your body knows that she was interested in you.”

 

21/5/01

     “I think you fancied her a lot Calban,” Vera went on. “Tell me it’s so. Don’t be afraid of telling the truth. Us women can tell such things.”

 

    “Sometimes,” commented Calban.

 

    “But I am not wrong in your case am I?”

 

    “No I think she’s very desirable,” he agreed.

 

    “I think you should keep talking to her. Whenever you see her make a point of speaking to her. Ask her to go for a drink, after work or after meetings.”

 

     “I will,” he said, “but I don’t feel very confident.”

 

     “You can’t spend all of your free time in front of your Vidscreen Calban. You have made a good start in choosing to join us, but you need a girlfriend too. It will transform you into a happy and contented man.”

 

    “I do want a girlfriend very much. It seems that most of the group have found romantic friendship, but still not I. I have never been there before. Perhaps that is my problem. Because I have no confidence I cannot even ask women for their attention.”

 

   “I understand your problem,” said Vera. “It’s a problem we all have to deal with. I was a shy woman before I joined the group. I immersed myself in my work, as you know, and it took a very determined and kind man to lead me into self confidence.”

 

    “But you are an attractive lady. Some men were bound, sooner or later, to seek you out,” Calban suggested.

 

    “Thank you for the complement, but it really wasn’t that easy. For many years the only men I met were students like myself, weighed down by the weekly struggle to return assignments and achieve at least passes, and whenever possible commendations. Otherwise they were working engineers, under the scrutiny of our foremen and our managers, just as I was. There was, is, little opportunity to really get to know each other.”

 

    “I am sure that if you had had more confidence opportunities would have arisen,” he suggested.

 

    “Perhaps you’re right,” she agreed. “Since Luvius unlocked my inhibitions I haven’t had too many problems. I have met many men in the Group, and even though I have been very satisfied with Jairis I haven’t been short of potential opportunities.” Calban was aware that he was one of those potential opportunities and wondered if Vera realised it. He was not about to say anything which would embarrass himself. Although he knew that Vera would always be kind to him and protect his feelings, he could not risk testing whether, if Jairis, and other possible contenders for Vera’s love, had been elsewhere, he might have stood a chance.

 

     “You know Calban, if I had not been with Jairis I would have had some choice of other partners. You might well have been in the running too. Perhaps not at the beginning when you were very shy, but now you are growing in confidence and sociability. I don’t see any reason why Clarella should not show some interest. It could be up to you to nurture that interest and win her over, if you want to.”

 

     Calban’s pulse quickened. He took Vera’s words at face value, although he still doubted a little. He did suspect now that his attraction towards Vera was reciprocated, and if Vera could like him that way then why not Clarella, towards whom he also felt strong attraction. Yes Clarella was available, even if Vera wasn’t. Both of them were loveable.

 

     28/8/02

     There was no further opportunity for Calban to speak personally to Clarella on that evening. All evenings in the modern world were unnaturally short, and this one involved small and full group discussions on the growing political aspirations of the group. The young lawyer, Clarella, made vocal contributions on some matters of legal speculation. She seemed so self contained, so clear and learned in her views, which were always concise and to the point that Calban wondered how she had ever deigned to speak to him. But then that was true of all of them, Vera and Julia, Jairis, and above all Janus, who seemed so overflowing with ideas and intelligence and yet would speak to him as if he regarded him as his equal. Calban knew that he was a simple man beside them. They could make people want to listen, but who would find Calban worth listening to. Calban was greatly heartened when Clarella nodded and smiled at him as she filtered out of the room ahead of him.