The Internet Is Finally Restored (By An Angel) by Alfred N.Muggins

     The internet was off. Consternation! But miraculously an Angel (namely his wife Mrs Muggins), always ready for action, decisively looked on the internet (as she was always doing, using her ipad with its independent wi-fi), while Alfred flopped about, ranting about how technology never worked and blaming everyone he could think of, unwilling to actually do, or incapable of actually doing anything constructive to solve the problem. And miraculously Mrs Muggins (not just a pretty face!) found the very wire they might need on the internet! (using the wi-fi on her ipad).

     Muggins cracked to attention as soon as she returned from the distant computer etc. shop (having had to order it on line during the national pandemic crisis lockdown – as they would not let her in the shop, so she had to do the order outside the shop, which a shop assistant had to come out and help her to do. Thankfully they had it in stock in the shop and she picked it up from the door.

     The young grandkidz had been the day before. It must have been them! They were so raucous and insisted on riding their big black new scooters all around the ground floor of the house, while being baby sat. They must have gone right up to the internet/telephone connection and pulled it off (not intentionally, but recklessly, carelessly, and negligently (to use just a few legal terms that he could think of!), breaking not just the wire, but everyone’s pleasure and contentment for the approaching 24 hours!

     Muggins actually had to make his longwinded breakfast without Alexa supplying the usual exciting musical background to his kitchen visit. (After looking in the fridge he prepared pineapple and banana with tinned cream, to use it up, -in the absence of milk, as the grandkids had had so much milk used for their drinks, and the obligatory Yorkshire Puddings, the day before, that there was only enough for a handful of teas and coffees today (most of which Alfred would have to make during the course of the day).

     ‘Better not have cereal,’ he thought, thinking with great foresight. ‘There isn’t enough milk!’ So he had the fruit and cream instead, and a couple of slices of toasted brown bread with proper butter and two of his favourite jams for variety’s sake – marmalade (of course!) and raspberry jam, which they had restocked (after discovering they had 5 marmalades on the go or in stock, but absolutely no other jams for variety. Muggins loved marmalade far beyond any other jam, but he also liked variety, so they had quickly rectified the situation at the next visit to a grocery shop).

     Alfred had probably put off visiting the bathroom for a wash and a shave etc. yet for the very same reason, that Alexa (and the whole internet) was not functioning (except for essential visits of nature of course!).

     His miraculous Angel (namely Mrs Muggins) plugged in the wire from the phone connection to the wi-fi box, and suddenly they were back in business. Oh what joy, to be back on line, and to be able to listen to music again in the kitchen, and all those other now essential pleasures of the internet age. (They had proved, if anything, that it was indeed impossible to live happily without the internet now in the Modern Age!)

     In celebration he requested ‘Thank You For Sending Me An Angel’, from Alexa, struggling to think quickly enough, thinking it was the Eurythmics’ ‘There Must Be An Angel Playing With My Heart’. But when it came on he realised it was the Talking Heads track – which he was nevertheless happy to play, as he was a big fan and hadn’t heard it for a while. And then he followed up with a request for the intended Eurythmics track, which felt as wonderful as expected when it came on nice and loud.

     The miserable cobwebs in his head of not being able to listen to music instantly dissipated and he was immediately put up a few gears, into a good mood, which was fantastic. He started making what he thought were very funny statements and witticisms to Mrs Muggins and her son. His comic element had returned, even if it was likely to be a bit waring on the other members of the household. He could not help himself!

     In reward for her miraculous help, and in belated gratitude, after initial reluctance, he gave his Angel of a Wife the coffee he had just made for himself after she demanded it, so he then had to make another one for himself (unfortunately in a smaller cup!). He was feeling very well disposed towards Mrs Muggins after her marvellous assistance, and he would have done almost anything for her at that moment. He was yet again reminded of how much he relied upon her, and thought they made a great team together.

     After the incident which had caused their internet blackout Alfred suggested some basic actions to prevent such sabotage from ever happening again, and restrictions on the ‘freedoms’ of the Grandkids. He suggested these quite seriously to Mrs Muggins. The Younger Grandkids were to be banned from coming to the house again (as soon as he said it he knew there was no chance Mrs Muggins would ever put this into practice, but it was worth a try!). They would not be allowed to ride scooters indoors (even this perfectly reasonable suggestion he knew would never get past his wife, who was bound to relax the rules as soon as he turned his back, to placate the childish demands of the young.) Limits to the number of Wotsits packets to be distributed to the grandkidz should be imposed immediately, from now on (It was already too late. Mrs Muggins had already allowed them to have all the extra bags yesterday, despite his attempts to limit them even yesterday (before he had been made aware of the damage to the internet wire)).

     What made it even more annoying than anything else (that the internet connection had been destroyed), was that he had written his article about the Royal Succession over the centuries only a couple of days before, and thanks to working heavily over the weekend, he could not put any of it on Facebook or abctales yet, and now the internet was completely off (as far as his computer and Alexa were concerned, and internet based TV options).

     As his Royal ‘Succession To The Throne (Some Thoughts On The Subject)’ article (in 3 parts) contained a couple of (he thought) reasonably funny or appropriate (or inappropriate?) references to Prince Harry and Meghan (Markle) Windsor’s (Duchess Of Sussex) succession possibilities (depending on your way of thinking and level of sensitivity or comic appreciation) he had wished very much to put it all on Facebook and abctales very quickly. And now unfortunately, when he was again off work for most of the day at last, suddenly the internet had been off, and he would not be able to post any of it on at all.

     Tonight, Monday the 8^th of March was the night when Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s long awaited, speculated and expected interview with Oprah Winfrey would be aired on ITV at 9pm. While there was so much interest in it, it would have been a good moment to put his own article, which really was as much about Henry VIII and the Stuarts, and the Scots, as it was about the current young semi-retired Royal couple.

     Anyway Mrs ‘Angel’ Muggins had saved the day with her swift and noble action, and it all came right. So Alfred was about to post his Succession article after all, probably the 1st Part of it, as he had not yet finished typing up the rest of it, although it had been written in longhand.

P.S. ‘Succession To The Throne : Some Thoughts On The Subject  by Alfred N.Muggins’ was ‘published’ or ‘posted’ onto David Kirtley Facebook in the few days after 8^th March 2021, in 3 Parts, and also onto the David Kirtley collections on abctales.com , in the 'Chronicles of Mr A.N.Muggins’ collection, where it can still be read to this day! (for free!!)

(One of these days Muggins will have it all published properly, and become a very popular author/historian/commentator, becoming exceedingly rich for his troubles!)

(But like most talented writers and artists of all sorts in this disappointing modern day and age he will probably never receive even a penny for his productions.)