A Small Treatise Upon Scottish Culture (Just To Put A Few Demons To Rest) by Mr A.N.Muggins

     Thankfully due to the general lack of interest in his writing, and the modern inability of any unknown author or writer to get published in a way that will ever reach a wide audience, very few Scots will have actually read his possibly not completely accurate piece about the Royal Succession, which he had become aware might upset more than a few Scots if it ever reached them (particularly the Scottish Nationalists!).

     He just wishes to set the story even straighter and explain, or show to them as a nation, how much he does admire and owe to them. Scotland is the brother (or sister!), if you wish to think of Scotland as a full and equal partner in Union or partnership with brother England (some might say Big Brother England??).

     Actually maybe a ‘marriage’ might be the best analogy? A marriage of Union, partly unwilling at some of its stages of inception (Please refer to the earlier ‘Succession To The Throne’ article for explanations). Some readers might say England was the husband and Scotland the wife (fish wife?), but it is worth mentioning that Scotland, or at least the Highlands, supplied a lot of the crack troops, who created and managed, some might say ‘stole’ an Empire, and all achieved while wearing the Kilt, which had been banned at earlier stages in our mutual history (so who really had the trousers on, so to speak, in that relationship?).

    (Sorry for not mentioning Wales! Perhaps we will mention you at another time, or Northern Ireland, which I am afraid is just far too complicated for me to write about, or even Ireland as a whole. (I have warned myself off going into such dangerous historical territory!)

Part 2

    Anyway I would like to offer some proof of my great respect for Scotland and its culture. Two of my favourite rock bands just happen to be Scottish :- the Simple Minds, who I was privileged to see, fronted by the magnificent Jim Kerr back in 1982 on the ‘Promised You A Miracle’ Tour in Leeds!;- and Marillion, (Scotland’s answer to Genesis!) whom I have never seen performing live, but whom I have often listened to religiously over the years!

     I also quite liked the Skids and Big Country! And of course the Eurythmics etc. (and the Average White Band!) I am not saying Scotland’s culture is superior to the English, but it is on the same very high level!

      Mr Muggins and his wife Mrs Muggins also religiously watched ‘Outlander’, the Time Travel and Historical long series and book(s) about Scots in Scotland and later in France and North Carolina (which, come to mention it, probably gave him some ideas for his Time Travel stories about going to the Court of Henry VIII).

     Also he has always tried to follow that great advice of Robert the Bruce that – “If at first you don’t succeed, then try try again.” Eventually the spider got up the cave wall and Robert was able to defeat that nasty English King Edward I at the Battle of Bannockburn, south of Edinburgh.

    Alfred also had great admiration for that great freedom fighter Sir William (‘Braveheart’) Wallace, who came to his sticky end with great bravery for standing up to the evil Edward 1.

    Of course the Scottish film industry was pretty good too (as well as its music industry) as far as he could tell. Hollyrood had produced one particularly good film about Sir William Wallace – ‘Braveheart’! The ‘Outlander’ series, as mentioned just before, was pretty good too, as was the film ‘Highlander’, although it was many years since he had seen it, also involving some kind of time travel, and of course ‘Rob Roy’ was also great!

    Scotland had a major advantage over most of the rest of the world, even Hollywood in Los Angeles, in that their scenery was particularly magnificent and awe inspiring (there was even a loch called Loch Awe, somewhere in the wilds of Argyll!)

Part 3

     Alfred suddenly realised the pyjamas he was wearing were actually a tartan design, probably not the Stuart unfortunately, because he would have liked to have another connection with yet another Royal House, however tenuous. He would have to look it up in his little book of tartans and clans, acquired in Edinburgh when he was 10 or 12, if he could ever find it in the confused melting pot of a couple of bookcases, shared with the haphazard Mrs Muggins, or perhaps in ‘cold’ storage in the loft (which was unfortunately becoming a bit of a mess, because Mrs Muggins didn’t go up there very often, but she often got her son to toss things up there without thought for where they might land, or indeed tossed things up there herself!).

     Then he noticed the shirt he had hurriedly selected for today, because it was in the wardrobe next to the side of the bed, was also tartan, and he thought that looked even more likely to be a Stuart? Dreamily fantasising, he imagined himself being an honourary part, not just of Old Henry’s combination of the Lancaster and York Houses = Tudor, but also of the Scottish Stuarts, the ‘new’ rulers of fledgeling Great Britain! He could throw it also into the splendid royal mix of Alfred (the Great! –from his own first name). (Unfortunately there were absolutely no Kings anywhere, nor ever had been, with the name Nigel – his unfortunate middle name!) And Arthur – which, although not one of his actual names, he did feel that even if he didn’t have British Arthur in his blood (well you never know?) at least he had plenty of him in his soul! He imagined dreamily being married to the perfect Guinnevere, and sitting with his Knights and Lords around a large round table, and dispensing justice and fairness, and prosperity, around the whole Kingdom!