The Madonna and the Political Prisoner, Chapter 10

Chapter 10 AD 23

“Your son’s crazy! There’s no other word for it.”

He’s hardly even greeted me on his return from Jerusalem before he’s criticising his brother. Judas and Simon haven’t said a word apart from the greeting when I saw them all come in together. James hasn’t even asked after Deborah and his own children yet.

“We spent a day with him and John out in the Wilderness, a day’s journey from the city. John’s notorious now, he’s really stirring up the people. He’ll not last long, he’s upsetting too many people – and the wrong ones at that. And Joshua will go down with him.”

“James, for goodness sake, go and see Esther and Reuben. They’ve been looking out for you every afternoon for the last week. Reuben’s learnt some new songs at the synagogue school and he’s dying to sing them to you. I’m sure they saw you all coming, but Deborah’s held them back. She can’t hang on to them much longer. You can tell me all about Joshua and John and our Bethany friends later.”

Then I look at the other boys – well men, actually, but I still think of them as my boys – and they are hovering there. Judas goes to fetch Joe who has carried on planing wood without a pause, even though he must know his brothers are home. He comes out as if in a trance. I can’t believe he was so wrapped up in his work that he didn’t hear them. The twins greet him and James gives a brief acknowledgement, then he’s back on the attack again.

“I pleaded with him to come home, Mother. I told him how much you missed and needed him, that you’d sent us specially to find him, but he’s selfish and obstinate. He doesn’t care about us. He’s obsessed with this so-called ‘mission’ of his and that ruffian cousin of ours does nothing but encourage him. I should just forget he’s your son. He’s not worth it.”

“James, I’m not going to argue with you now. Just calm down and go and greet your wife and children. They’re your priority at the moment. You can talk to me about Joshua another time. And you two,” I add turning to Judas and Simon, “aren’t you missing your families? Get off back home, all of you. There’s plenty of time to talk about your experiences in Jerusalem and Bethany in the morning. Just tell me, though. Is Joshua healthy? And Lazarus and Martha and Mariam?”

“I told you, Mother, he’s mad. He can’t be in his right mind.”

“He’s fit enough, Mother,” says Simon. “And all Lazarus’s family.”

“Thank you, Simon. That’s all I wanted to know at the moment. And now, go! All of you! No, not you, Joe, not if you want to finish the work you were doing. I meant these others who’ve not seen their families for a couple of weeks.”

Simon raises his eyebrows at me. Judas gives me a sheepish smile, but they both file out to remove their baggage from the ass. James hesitates. Perhaps I need to hang on to him a moment until he’s cooled down. I don’t want him to go storming into Deborah in this mood and he’ll be short with the children too.

“James, just rest a moment and refresh yourself with a cup of wine. You must be tired after such a long journey.”

“I thought you wanted me to go immediately to Deborah.”

“Well, yes, but not in this mood.”

“What mood? I’m not in a mood.”

“Forget Joshua. Think about your own responsibilities. I don’t want to argue with you about Joshua now. You can tell me all about it tomorrow.” I pour out the wine as I’m talking to him and hand him the cup. He sits down, thank heavens.

“James, I’m just pleased to see you all home safely and to know Joshua, John and Lazarus and the women are well.” I see him about to open his mouth again, but I interrupt him. “No, James, I’m not going to discuss mental health. I’m satisfied for the moment that none of them are sick. Just relax and drink your wine. Get ready to greet Deborah and your children. You’ve been away a long time. They miss you.”

“Well, Joshua’s been away even longer and you miss him. That’s far worse!”

“James, I don’t want any more of this right now. I told you that I’m not going to argue, although that doesn’t mean I agree with you.”

He grunts. And at that very moment two heads appear around the door. Seven year old Esther and her younger brother burst in and hurl themselves at their father, almost knocking the cup from his hands. He nearly shouts at them, and then, mercifully, he restrains himself, puts the cup down and takes each of them into his arms. I watch as he physically relaxes, letting the boisterous children gain his attention, as his natural care and love for them takes over.

“Let me finish this,” he laughs, and lets himself be dragged up, one child pulling on each arm. I watch them go with some relief. At least the children have transformed his mood. I hope it carries over into his greeting of his wife. I worry sometimes about that relationship. I don’t think he realises sometimes how nervous Deborah is of upsetting him. I do my best to reassure her, but I often hear shouting and he can speak very abruptly to her on occasions.

When they’ve all gone, I sit down and pour myself a little wine. I’ve little to do now. Deborah got all the water we needed earlier, and I can prepare the evening meal for my mother and myself after Joe has gone home to his family. I looked in on Mother just before the men returned home and she was sleeping peacefully. I thought she’d wake up when she heard voices, but she didn’t stir. I look in again to make sure. She turns over awkwardly even as I look, but stays asleep. I think she has very restless nights because of the pain from her arthritis, and therefore needs to catch up on her sleep during most afternoons. I look at her and feel sad that she finds movement so difficult these days. She’d love to spend more time playing with her great grandchildren, but she does not want to frighten them by trying to play, then shouting out in agony if a child bumps into her or sits awkwardly.

I sit down again and take another sip of sweet wine. I blame myself for the hostility that has arisen between James and Joshua. I should have handled things better when I told the children of Joshua’s special mission. But if I had my time again, I’m not sure how I’d have done it differently. Should I have told them all when they were tiny children, so they grew up with the knowledge? Then everyone would be watching him all the time. I’m not sure that would have eliminated any jealousy. And if I’d left it longer, then what story would I have made up about Joshua’s absences? Wouldn’t James and the others have resented his absences even more if they were unexplained or contrived. I just feel vaguely guilty about it all.

* * * * * * * *

James has been in the workshop all morning. I don’t know why he worries himself so much there now. He’s never trusted Joe with the finances. He believes that Joe, if not supervised, would bankrupt the family and reduce us to paupers, he’s so unworldly. But we’ve my three nephews, Isaac, Nathan and Matthew and they’re all skilled now and are more than competent to run the business. However, James has been going over the transactions enacted while he’s been in Jerusalem in case they’ve made an error or overlooked to follow up a bill that should have been paid. Doesn’t he trust Ben either? He finally emerges just as the sun is at its zenith. Mother and I are having a bite to eat and he joins us. Noise from the workshop has ceased also, although I can hear the occasional sound as Joe is continuing to craft his latest creation while the others have stopped to eat. Deborah joins us also with Esther and then Reuben bursts in, back from his studies at the synagogue.

“Well, James? Is all in order?”

“Yes, I can’t find anything wrong.”

“What did I tell you? You’re lucky to have such good workers. You’ve no need to get so worked up. You’re not indispensable, you know. The business will carry on without you.”

James doesn’t say any more.

After we’ve eaten, Mother goes to rest, Deborah takes Esther to wash clothes down at the well and Reuben goes to play with a number of his friends. James gets up, as if to return to the workshop.

“Where are you going now, James?”

“Back to the carpentry shop.”

“Why?”

James hesitates.

“Do they need you? Are they behind on orders?”

“No.”

“Then stay and talk to me. Last night you were only too eager to go on about your brother when you should have been with your family. Don’t you want to talk now?”

“I thought you didn’t like what I was saying. I thought it was best to shut up. You seem determined to think the best of him, so what’s the point of me telling you that I think he’s being selfish?”

“Talk to me about Deborah. I don’t like the way you treat her sometimes. You upset her often and the children are beginning to notice this. Esther especially, I think sometimes she’s frightened of you.”

“I thought you wanted to talk about Joshua. Why this sudden mention of my wife. It’s my concern, not yours.”

“James, they’re family. You are my son. They are my grandchildren. I love you all. It pains me to see strife and unhappiness. Are you unhappy?”

‘What nonsense, Mother! Of course not.”

“Then why do you go around with such a long face so much of the time? Why do you shout at Deborah and the children? Why…”

He interrupts me. “I don’t. You’re exaggerating.”

“I don’t think you realise just what you’re saying sometimes.”

“Well, it always seems to fall to me to take care of the family. I should have some help. Joe’s useless, bound up with his work and oblivious to everything and everyone else. Simon and Judas have their own homes and occupations. Uncle Ben gets tired these days with that bad leg and headaches – I don’t want to bother him. And all the time Joshua who should be here and head of the family, well, he’s off gallivanting around the countryside with that good-for-nothing cousin of ours.”

“I knew it was really about your brother. You know, I don’t think you realise how fortunate we are. Clopas has been so good to us since Eli’s death. We have all got homes. We don’t starve. We’ve all got wives and children who are healthy. You’ve three able young men in the workshop in addition to Joe who are expanding the business and Joe’s work is held in high regard even if you are so quick to disparage him. Why are you so resentful of Joshua’s calling? You don’t need him here. Let him pursue his vocation. I’m more than happy – I knew this was always going to be his destiny. Why does it upset you so?”

“He’s irresponsible. It’s his duty as the eldest to care for us all, well, I mean, at least see we are cared for. He should be married and be giving you grandsons. He should be caring for you. People are talking. His neglect is damaging our family’s reputation. And now his dalliance in the Wilderness with John – that’s dangerous. You see, John will get himself arrested soon, and Joshua’ll be next. And then who knows? All of us will come under suspicion. It’s damned reckless of him. He’s not even thinking of the consequences for us.”

“James, he can’t reject his call. From his very birth, he’s been destined for this. If he were to come home and settle here and forget his mission, everything I’ve done, everything I’ve been through, will have been in vain.”

“Then more fool you, Mother. No-one asked you to be careless with your virginity and then ignore the opportunities the rabbis gave you to get away with it without condemnation. All I say is that I sense catastrophe coming. And don’t complain when it happens. You’ve brought it on yourself and possibly on all of us. Remember that I told you and don’t expect me to put my neck and those of my children on the line when Herod Antipas’s soldiers or the Romans come for him and all who follow his deluded presumption. Who’ll help you then?”

“God.”

“You think you and you alone know God’s will? What about the priests? What do they think? You should hear John going on about the priests in the Temple. It’s sacrilege, it’s blasphemy. I could understand it if he criticised the Romans or their collaborators. Understand, mark you, not condone. But he condemns the priests, even the High Priest and Joshua doesn’t stop him. What sort of religion is that? The priests guard our Jewish faith from all the pagan influences the Greeks and Romans would import and John makes out that they’re worse than them. And just to make sure he upsets everyone, he attacks the best and most influential Jewish families. If the Romans or Antipas decide they’ve had enough, no-one will come to his support. He’s offended everyone.”

“I’m sure Joshua knows what he’s doing.”

“Yes and that’s why I condemn him. He’s no right to compromise us all, put us in danger. Someone’s got to stop him.”

“How, James? You’ve obviously tried and had no success.”

“He’ll listen to you.”

“And you’re expecting me to journey at my age through the barren hills all the way to Bethany or Jerusalem to stop him doing the one thing that God has prepared us both for? Don’t be ridiculous, James.”

“I’m not saying you should go to Jerusalem. He’ll have to come back here sometime. Tell him then. Tell him how worried you are, that he’s neglecting his filial duties. It’s the only chance…”

“No, James, you’ve got it all wrong. God has promised that he’ll be our Messiah. He’s been faithful so far, everything that has happened has been within God’s protection. Why should he abandon us now?”

“I give up, Mother. It’s useless arguing with you. If he carries on this way I’ll disown him. He’ll not be my brother and he has no right to be called your son.”

“James, all you’ve done is criticise Joshua. You’ve not told me anything that John actually says. You said he was famous, well notorious actually, but what is he actually saying and what does Joshua say?”

“What’s the point of telling you? I’ve already told you that they’ll make trouble. That’s all you need to know. You don’t need to know any more.”

“Why not, James? Don’t you think, as his mother, I have a right to know? Are you one of those who think women should have no opinions? If so, you’ve got the wrong mother.”

James is silent at last.

“Go on, James, tell me. You’re so forthright, let me have it straight.”

“Well, if you insist on pushing this, you’re all too credulous – you, your sisters, Salome, Ruth, Aunt Susannah. And Cousin Elizabeth was worse than the lot of you when she was alive. I even think you’ve warped Deborah’s mind. You want to avoid spoiling the relationship between me and my wife? Well, stop bringing her round to your point of view over Joshua. She’s my wife, she’ll think and do what I say.”

“James,” I say softly, “your father believed. You idolised him when you were small, you grieved when he died – I think you felt it more than the others. Can’t you respect his memory?”

“That’s unfair, Mother. I don’t know why he believed. Perhaps he didn’t want to upset you. Perhaps he pretended to believe.”

“Oh my son, do you really think your father risked defending me when I was first accused, married me despite the child not being his, went through all the privations during our escape to Egypt, just to keep up his pretence?”

James says nothing for a long time.

Eventually, “You’ll see, Mother. One day you’ll see. You’ll see I’m right.”