The Madonna and the Political Prisoner, Chapter 11/2

He came home last night. The first I knew of it was when I heard raised voices in the courtyard. James and Joshua were having a blazing row. I nearly went out to stop them, I could hear James’s voice full of anger. I’m afraid I was a coward and kept out of it. There’s no reasoning with James when he’s lost his temper. I felt sorry for Deborah and the children, because they’ll have got the backlash when Joshua eventually made his escape and came to me and Mother. He came in very subdued, shaking his head.

“What was all that about?” I asked anxiously, but he was silent, clearly upset. I poured him a cup of wine and he sat down and I waited for him to say something.

Eventually he pulled himself together.

“I’m sorry, Mother. I’d hoped for a better reception than that. I’m tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I’ve been with crowds all day. I only managed to get away when some of my friends in Capernaum drew them off as we neared Magdala.”

“Are you hungry?”

“A crust of bread will be sufficient.”

He drained the cup and lay back as I went to fetch the freshly baked bread that Salome had brought that morning and blow me, when I returned with a hunk of the loaf, he was already fast asleep. My mother called out and I went into her.

“Did I hear Joshua?”

“Yes, you did, Mother, but he’s tired and already asleep.”

“And what was the row I heard earlier?”

“James was having an argument with Joshua.”

“What, already?”

“Yes, I’m upset about that too.”

“What was it about?”

“I don’t know, but I expect James was having a go at him for not visiting us earlier. If he makes him feel that unwelcome, he’ll soon be on his way again.”

Now, this morning, I’ve got up and Joshua is nowhere to be seen. Surely he’s not deserted us so soon? Is he so sensitive that he can’t take James’s criticism? Well, I suppose the word ‘criticism’ is rather understated. There was real anger last night. Anyway, I get up and after checking that Mother is still asleep, I go to the well to fetch water. My daughter Salome is there and I greet her. I’m about to tell her Joshua’s home, then I refrain in case he’s really gone. She usually asks if we’ve heard from him anyway, but on this morning, strangely, she doesn’t. And then, when I get home, I find him there. He’s already cooked breakfast for both of us.

“Some fish,” he says, “a present from my friends in Capernaum.”

“Where have you been?” I ask. “I thought you’d left us already.”

“I go into the hills to pray every morning. I can’t get through the day without the strength and support of God, my Father. I went to the big fig tree down towards the stream, you know, the one you showed me once where you said you used to go and pray.”

We eat in silence. Still my mother hasn’t stirred. Soon the men will be arriving in the workshop. James will be here again. I begin to feel tense. Is there going to be another big row?

“How is Grandmother?”

“She sleeps a lot these days. Her arthritis is very painful. Sometimes I think she’d be better if she made a bit more effort. I think she’s given up. I know she’s had a very difficult life and that the pain must be draining, but I do wish she’d try to get about and occupy her mind. She dwells on her problems too much.”

He is thinking. Perhaps he can help her. They say he’s healed many from all sorts of ailments although James says it’s just rumour, not fact. Perhaps I should ask him. But before I can say anything, he starts talking.

“James accused me last night of neglecting the family. No, he put it a lot stronger than that. He said I’d been deliberately shunning you all and that I’d disgraced you, him, the children, everyone, that my name was reviled in the village. Is that how you feel, Mother?”

“No, of course not, Joshua. He’s expressing his own views. I don’t know why he feels so strongly about you. I often wonder if it was my fault. I think he resents you being the eldest – he somehow feels that you’ve usurped his position and then not followed the traditions of the eldest son.”

I pause. Then I add, “But we were a bit hurt, Joshua. We heard you were coming this way several weeks ago and were sure you’d come home and spend a few days with us before resuming whatever it is you feel you have to do. Why didn’t you come to us before you went to Capernaum? Was it so urgent for you to go there first?”

“It seemed to be out of my hands. I didn’t miss you all deliberately to hurt or offend you. But I leave my comings and goings to God’s spirit to move me, to show me where to go, what to do. I leave my life in his hands. I can’t say what I do, or act in the way I do, without his strength, his lead. And I felt at a crossroads. I was coming back to Galilee. Should I use my own village as base or should I go somewhere I wasn’t known, where I would be judged for what I said and did now and not as the boy everyone knew as the carpenter’s son? And I got this overwhelming urge to travel farther north and was wrestling with this thought in my mind when I met two men from Capernaum in Shechem where I was staying overnight and they implored me to visit their town. And so I went there single-mindedly, and I knew immediately it was right. I have no home, Mother, now. I’m everybody’s. But I need a base, somewhere I can reflect and be quiet. I don’t think I can do that here. Not easily anyhow. And I needed to be sure of that before I came here. It may sound strange, Mother, it’s not meant to hurt you or cause offence. Do you understand?”

I nod. I think I do. I’m disappointed, but I think I understand. We’d not give him the space he needs here. We’d put pressure on him, try to influence what he did and where he went.

“Have you people in Capernaum who’ll support you? Feed you? Find somewhere for you to rest? Have you met up with Ruth?”

“Yes, Mother. I saw her several times and she fed me and her husband introduced me to men working on the beach, for he had to return a boat he’d repaired to Capernaum. The fishermen there are humble folk, but very sincere. It’s a fishing village and the men are close to nature. They understand and are in sympathy with the created world. They accept my message and want to be part of it, they don’t argue and dispute, looking for flaws and loopholes like some of the scribes, rabbis and Pharisees in the towns do.”

“Are you going back there?”

“Yes, some of the men and women there want to travel with me and learn from me and help as best they can. I thought I might bring some here with me, but I wasn’t sure of my reception and I didn’t want to expose them to strong opposition before they’ve got more confidence.”

“Joshua, is it true that you can heal people? Simon visited you and said he saw you healing many in the crowd who flocked to see you, but James said it wasn’t true, people weren’t really better. They were just excited and buoyed up by the attention.”

“Yes, I learned many ways of healing when I was with the Essenes. I learned how much is in the mind, how much belief can affect the physical as well as the mental state. If people really believe me and want to be restored, I can bring about positive changes in their lives. But they must believe, they must be half way there and I can, with God’s help, do the rest. I have been given this gift by God and I will use it when I can. But it’s draining, it exhausts me and I do need co-operation, not scepticism, for the gift to be effective.”

That is giving me food for thought. Perhaps he can heal my mother’s arthritis. But will she believe enough? Can I convince her?

I’m still wondering about this, teasing the thoughts in my mind when I’m interrupted by the arrival of Joe, followed quickly by Isaac and Matthew. They swarm around Joshua and embrace their brother and uncle and, thank goodness, do not start asking him why he hasn’t come before. They at least seem genuinely pleased to see him. They’re still chatting and lead Joshua into the workshop to show him the latest things they’ve made, when James arrives. I stop him going straight into the workshop because I want to talk to him first.

“James, please, no rows with Joshua this morning. I’ve talked to him, he didn’t mean to cause us any offence. He had a reason and I’m satisfied with that. Please don’t argue any more. It just upsets me too much. I love you both and it pains me to see such anger and bitterness. Please promise that you’ll not start up more arguments again.”

“Has he apologised?”

“He’s explained. It was not a deliberate snub. He needs a base where he’s not so well known.”

“So he can deceive people more easily?”

“James, please no more of that. Watch him here. He’s explained to me how he heals those who come to him. He uses their belief. Why can’t you trust him and see for yourself? Be open-minded. Why, I believe he could cure my mother from her affliction, wouldn’t that be proof enough for you?”

“That I want to see. Alright! I’ll say nothing more until he’s tried to heal Grandmother. But if he won’t or doesn’t, then that proves he’s a fake.”

“Steady on, James, you’ve got to believe him. If you treat it as a test and you don’t really believe in his power to heal, then perhaps he won’t be able to do it.”

“It’s not up to me, is it? Surely, if what he says is true, it’s up to your mother to believe.”

What have I done? I didn’t mean to turn the possibility of Joshua helping my mother into a test of faith for James and all those whom I’m sure he’ll soon tell if Joshua cannot help her. I’d better tell Mother what I’ve done and at least see that she is willing for Joshua to attempt a cure.

I wake her up gently. I bring her a bit of the fish that Joshua brought, a great treat. I watch while she eats and I help her wash and put on a fresh garment. James is in the workshop and I hear a murmur of voices, which sounds hopeful. No raised voices anyway.

“Mother, Joshua has the power to heal. Won’t you let him see what he can do to help you?”

“It’s too late, Mari. I’ve lived with it too long. I’ve had enough. I just want to rest. I’ve had an eventful life, I’ve crammed in more than others experience in twice my years. Let nature take its course. Don’t interfere.”

“But Mother, if Joshua can ease your pain you’ll feel energetic and youthful again. You’ll want to carry on then, you’ll have a new lease of life.”

“What for, Mari, what for? I’m a useless old woman. I’ve done my bit. I supported you through your crises, you’ve got your Messiah. It’s up to you and him now. There’s nothing more I can do.”

“Please, Mother, I can’t bear to see you in such pain. Give him a try. Whatever happens, you’ll be no worse off than now. Let there be a possibility of change.”

“Just for you then, Mari, if you really want it. I don’t care.”

“I don’t understand your attitude. I’d have thought you’d have been eager to seize such a chance of a pain-free new life.”

“I don’t want to build up hopes, that’s all. I’m not ready for another disappointment, so I’ll assume the worst and be surprised if I’m cured.”

“But Joshua says that for a person to be cured, they have to believe. He won’t be able to help you unless you’re more positive than that.”

A few minutes later all the men troop in from the workshop. James is almost pulling Joshua who looks very reluctant.

“I’ve told Joshua that if he has the power, then he should cure Grandmother of her arthritis. It’s his chance to demonstrate to us that he has this power, this calling that he talks about. We can settle it once and for all. If he can cure Grandmother, I’ll believe him and stop my criticism. I’ll even become his disciple.”

“James, my power doesn’t work like that. Your grandmother has to want to be cured, she has to believe that I can help her. If she doesn’t I’m powerless.”

“That’s an excuse. You’re setting out your excuses for failure before you even try.”

Joshua turns to my mother.

“Grandmother, do you want to be cured? Do you believe I have the power to heal you?”

“If you say so, Joshua. I’m too old really, it’s too much trouble, but if you think you can, do it to please Mari. She believes you can.”

“Do you, Mother? Do you really believe I can?”

I say ‘yes’. I can say no other. But in my heart of hearts, how can he if Mother is so half-hearted about it? And James there doesn’t believe, I know he doesn’t. Is my belief strong enough to carry us through despite all this or is my knowledge of the unbelief of my family undermining any trust I have myself. I want to believe so badly. Joshua is looking at me. I can’t look him in the face. He knows my doubt. I want to ask him to take away my lack of faith. But I say nothing further and will him to go on.

He goes over to my mother and puts his hands on her shoulders and closes his eyes and concentrates. His brows furrow, he is screwing up his eyes, he is mouthing words. He waits. We all wait. I look at James. The man is grinning. He believes he’s won as if it were some sort of competition, not something that could relieve my mother of so much pain. I’m angry with him.

Joshua looks at me and shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, Grandmother. There’s no power there. Your daughter has tried for you but she cannot bear you up all on her own. There’s a lacking of faith here in this house. I’ll find it hard to help you all here in this village. I ought to go back to other villages in Galilee where I can use the power I’ve been given.”

“Please, Joshua,” I say, “please give our village a chance. Go and talk to Rabbi Joel. He’ll remember all you learned from him. He’ll give you an opportunity to show this village what you can do.”

Joshua comes to me and puts his hand on my arm.

“I’m sorry Mother. I know you believe in me, but I cannot operate in this atmosphere. Your mother doesn’t even want to be cured. James doesn’t believe. The others are just curious. I doubt if it will be any different anywhere in Nazareth, but to please you, I’m prepared to give it a try. I’ll go and see Rabbi Joel as you suggest.”

He gives my arm another squeeze and departs without looking back.

James looks me in the eye, finding it difficult to hide the satisfaction he’s now feeling.

“I told you, Mother. I told you he couldn’t do it. Now will you listen to me? Stop trying to come to his defence. Let him go to Capernaum and forget he was your son. He’ll bring you nothing but trouble.”