The Madonna and the Political Prisoner, Chapter 15/2

Later that evening I’m chatting with Rebecca while Salome and Anna have gone with Mary to check that the men have everything they need.

“What do you make of this Mary?” I ask my sister.

“I like her. She’s an intelligent woman. But she could be quite dangerous. You can see she’s in love with Joshua and I don’t know what she might do if he rejects her.”

“What makes you think that? She’s clearly very grateful to him for something, but in love?”

“Haven’t you noticed how she looks at him? She’s nearly thirty I guess. She needs a husband and I think she’s set her heart on Joshua. I don’t know if he’s realised it. I think he’s a bit naïve sometimes, he likes to think the best of everyone. I hope she does not betray his trust.”

“I’m sure Joshua’s more acute than you give him credit for. I think he likes her and finds her opinions balance those of his male companions. And would it be a disaster if he married her? I’ve often thought he needs someone to look after him since he’s left home. He doesn’t care enough for himself.”

“Well, Mari, what do we know about her? She’s hinted at some big problem in her past. Perhaps there’s a scandal she’s trying to forget. Perhaps she had a husband – or even still has.”

“But if she’s as close to him as it seems, then Joshua would know her secrets if she has any. If she is unworthy, or dangerous as you put it, Joshua would have sensed it and kept her at arm’s length.”

“I’m not sure. He has the reputation of not condemning anyone. I’ve heard James saying that he’s tolerant of people who’ve committed serious crimes or been completely immoral. I don’t go as far as my brother, but I do wonder if people take advantage of him sometimes.”

Mary, Salome and Anna come back then and we cease our conversation. I’m uneasy that Mary seems unwilling to talk openly about her past but just hints at something. It’s aroused my curiosity, I know it shouldn’t but I can’t help it. Yet I must trust my instinct for I like the woman. I feel I can talk to her about important things. I must l learn to trust my son’s judgment.

* * * * *

We’ve come back to Nazareth and Mary has come with us. She shut up her house in the morning and just said ’I’m coming too.’ ‘I told you,’ said Rebecca, ‘she’s after Joshua.’ Yet she spent all the journey chatting to me and Anna. Joshua has tried to spend time with his brothers and with Benjamin and Mary has made no attempt to join them. As soon as she said she wanted to join us, I invited her to stay in my house and she accepted at once with great joy. She knows Joshua won’t stay long, so will she go with him when he returns to Capernaum? If so, why didn’t she stay in Magdala, so she could travel back on Simon’s boat?

James is in the workshop seeing what Joseph and the other young men have been up to while we’ve been away. He doesn’t trust them, despite the competence of Nathan, Isaac, Matthew and Reuben. I’ve told him not to get so worried time and again. Simon and Judas have gone back to their families. Benjamin has stayed with me because we found our mother’s health had deteriorated markedly during our short absence. Deborah met us as soon as we returned to say how worried she was. It was not just the arthritis. She was not eating and was just lying half asleep most of the day. She’d been unable to interest her in anything. Even Esther had been unable to attract her attention which was a bad sign. Anna has been in with her and has just returned and pulled a face.

When James came back he hurried in to his grandmother. I follow him in to where she is lying. She doesn’t stir. Her eyes are open but she doesn’t respond to us.

“Why doesn’t Joshua come and see to her. He makes out he cures everyone else. Why not her?”

“You know why, James. You don’t believe he could and he needs everyone’s faith.”

“Well, even if I don’t believe, apparently you do. Isn’t that enough?”

Joshua has been to visit Joel at the synagogue. I guess he’s offering to interpret the scriptures again. I’m sure Joel will let him if the other rabbis agree but Jonas will be against and I don’t know who Jethro will be swayed by as he seems to have no opinion for himself these days.

James grabs Joshua as soon as he steps into our house.

“Joshua, you have a duty to cure your own grandmother if you can. You owe it to her. He says he can do such things, doesn’t he, Mary?” James looks at Mary seeking confirmation.

“Yes, of course he can, can’t you Master?”

“Does Grandmother want to be cured? Have you asked her?”

“Well, we can’t, she doesn’t say anything, but obviously she wants to be cured.”

“How do you know that, James?”

“Well, it’s obvious. That’s what everyone wants, isn’t it?”

“Is it? And is our grandmother everyone? Perhaps she’s had enough and is weary and wants rest. She’s had a hard life. She married early, had a husband who spent more time away from her than he was ever near. She brought up four children in difficult circumstances. She’s seen her children married with their children and now their children’s children. If she wants healing and has the faith that I can help her, then it is possible, but can you tell me in all honesty that she both understands, and believes? And if not her, do you need her better and do you believe?”

“That’s just an excuse, brother. You can’t do it, can you? Forget my lack of belief. Our mother believes in your powers and I’m sure she wants her mother restored, so why don’t you use her faith. Don’t rely on me.”

Meanwhile young Anna has gone in with a cup of water to try to coax old Anna to drink something. She comes rushing out, spilling the water, her hand shaking.

“Come and look! I can’t get her to move. She’s just staring at the roof. She’s not moving. I can’t hear her breathing, I think she’s dead.” And Anna bursts out crying. Deborah clutches the girl to her breast and I hurry in to where my mother is lying pursued by James with Benjamin hobbling afterwards.

I bend and feel my mother’s pulse. Nothing. I look in pity at my own mother’s pale drawn face and think back over her life, the times when only she and my sisters defended me against the outside world. She is gone. Do I wish her back? Does she not deserve her rest? Joshua joins us.

“You’re too late!” accuses James.

“Am I? Do you know what she wanted? Let her rest. Let her be reunited with the ones she loved.”

“But she loved us. We’re all still here.”

“Mother, you know best. Tell me, if you are convinced she still wishes to live and you believe, tell me to heal her.”

“But she’s already dead, Joshua. It’s too late. I don’t know what she wanted, but it’s too late now.”

“I could restore her even now, but you do not believe I could.”

“Joshua, she’s dead. Surely you can’t bring people back from death, can you?”

“Not if you don’t believe, Mother. Let her rest. She’s fulfilled God’s plan for her life. Let her move on.”

Is he saying he can actually restore the dead to life? Surely not. I must have misunderstood him. He must have been referring to the possibility of a cure if we had acted quicker. But… ? A thought comes to me. If God could enable me to give birth without the intervention of a man, could not that child conceived in such a miraculous way also perform the unbelievable? Is it too late to ask him? Is my thought, my weak faith on this enough? If my mother were restored would she be returned in full vigour and health, or would she just be alive but still suffering the pain of her limbs, the confusion of her age? It’s too big a risk.

So we accept her death as inevitable. We observe the ritual mourning. We bury her body. We remember her as she was, a loving mother of four young children. I remember her support, her heartrending love when she thought I was all but lost. Joshua is with me. He feels my sorrow. We all accompany her bier to her resting place. James has said no more. He tries not to sour the occasion with recriminations against his brother. Anna has stayed with us and cries. We suggested she went back to her mother while Benjamin stays with us but she will not hear of it. I notice that Benjamin’s leg is really paining him as he follows our mother’s body and that Anna has noticed and is walking with him, letting him rest his arm on her shoulder.

We go through all the motions. I suppose I do things automatically without thinking. Well, I am thinking, but my thoughts are far away. They are of my mother sewing to keep us, of washing the neighbours’ clothes, of standing up to Eli, of pleading for me disdainful of any consequence for herself. Mary has been quietly at my side. She has said little but she seems to understand. I’m sure she’s experienced a great tragedy, but she will say nothing. She concentrates on my concerns, bless her.

* * * * *

It must have been a week later when I notice. Joshua had kept a low profile. Joel had deemed it imprudent to risk asking him to speak in the synagogue, seeing what happened the last time. I think he’d have let him, but I’m sure Rabbi Jonas would have objected strongly. Joshua visited some neighbours. Someone said he’d healed old Ismael, the former potter, who’d crippled his hands and now he could move them again. Others said it was a coincidence. There were others suffering from various diseases and Joshua’d not healed them.

Then, one day, Benjamin walks into the room and I suddenly see it. He walked. Normally. He wasn’t limping. He observes my surprise.

“I wondered when you’d notice, sister!”

“You’re not hobbling. Your leg is better!” I’m stating the obvious. It must be ten years since his injury that he sustained in the attack as he returned from Sepphoris.”

“Yes, my leg is healed. And I can see through both eyes again.”

“How?”

“Guess!”

The truth dawns on me.

“Joshua healed you?”

“Yes, he really did.”

“And it’s not got better of its own accord?”

“Did you ever see any sign of it improving, Mari?”

“Well, no. When did he do it? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because Joshua asked me not to.”

“Haven’t you even told James how it happened?”

“No, especially not James. I wanted to, to prove that he’s been wrong about his brother all along, but Joshua said, especially not to tell James.”

“Why on earth not?”

“I think he wants James to discover the truth for himself and not be convinced just because he’s seen a miracle. James would probably find a rational explanation for it anyway.”

“Did you ask Joshua to heal you? Did he find you had sufficient faith after all?”

“No, Mari, I’m ashamed to say I didn’t. It was all because of my daughter. Joshua came to me and said that Anna had pleaded with him to heal my leg. And she told him about my headaches and my bad eye. He asked me if I believed he could do it. I said that I wanted to believe but found it hard. And he said that I was honest but anyway my daughter believed and he could use her trust. He placed his hand on my leg and prayed and then covered my bad eye with his other hand and thanked God for Anna’s faith and told me to cherish her. But he knows I do that anyway. At first I felt no different. Then my leg felt warm and I found it was easier, I could almost feel the pain seeping away. And I didn’t have a headache at the end of the day for once though my sight was not immediately restored. But when I woke up next morning I could scarce believe it. I could see clearly with both eyes, everything seemed so sharp and focussed. I got up and tested my leg and it too seemed fully restored.”

I stare at him and look intently at his eye that had always seemed bloodshot and realise it is indeed clear and is looking at me with meaning.

“Of course I told Anna and she was overjoyed and wanted to rush in and tell everybody. But I told her that Joshua had demanded silence. She found that hard, she wanted to tell everyone what Joshua had done. I know she went to thank him, and he told her that it was her trust in him that had made the healing possible.”

Of course. It had to be Anna’s doing. My own eyes are misting over. I scarcely hear him as he continues.

“And he asked to meet her husband to be. They met yesterday. Joshua spent a long time with him. I don’t know what he said, but he came back to me and reassured me. I was worried that he might think I’d done the wrong thing for her. But he said she’d be alright, but I was not to rush the wedding. Let her betrothal stand, but give her another year or two before she bears the responsibility of a family. And encourage her to speak her mind, be inquisitive for she has a maturing understanding of what is really important. The last thing he said to me was that he thought Anna was so like you, Mari, when you were her age. I’ve no idea how he knows that. I suppose you’ve told him many a time of your experiences.”

I’m so relieved at what my brother has just said. Of course I’m pleased for him, his injuries have been a great burden to him. And I’m pleased that my son has been able to carry out a proper healing here. But I’m especially glad at what he’s said about Anna and her wedding. I’ve worried about her, that she would be tied down too soon. It’s silly really, I was even younger than her when I was married and I survived. I shared that thought with Ben and he said ‘You were an exceptional girl, Mari. We all knew that. You were strong and had an unshakable faith in God that he was looking after you.’ ‘Then Anna is like me’, I said, for she’s strong in her faith too.

* * * * *

Two days later I’m sitting chatting with Mary when Joshua joins us.

“It’s time for me to leave. I have much more work to do. I need to return to Capernaum to see how my followers have fared and to help them cope with any problems they might have encountered. Then I need to go to Jerusalem. I need to share my message with the people of that city. They are not hearing the true message from God through their priests and rabbis. They need more practical help, they need to act to bring in the kingdom of God, not dispute endlessly about religious trivialities and ignore the poor and the vulnerable whose needs are paramount.”

That night I lie awake thinking about what he’s said. I’m worried for him. If he delivers such a strong message, won’t he upset the authorities there? Look at what happened here in our sleepy village, I say to myself. If he could stir up such opposition here, what might happen in Jerusalem itself? Then I realise that I’ve no real ties here any more. My mother doesn’t need me any longer. I can accompany my son. I tell Mary of my resolve the very next morning.

“That’s funny,” she says, “I was going to say exactly the same thing. We’ll go together.”

“What will Joshua say? Will he let us?”

“We’ll not give him a choice, Mari. His disciples will follow him. We’ll be disciples too. There are other women who’ll join us.”

We tell Joshua that afternoon. To my surprise he voices no objection.

“Of course, Mother dear. You and Mary. I’m sure you know the risks. But you’re not needed here now. Your brother is well and will support your sisters and his own family. Your other sons are established. One day they may see other priorities but they’re content now. I’ll come back in a few weeks’ time with the disciples and their wives who want to come with them and we’ll all travel to our capital city together. And with that we make such a momentous decision. It is only after he’s left us that we realise just what we’ve committed ourselves to.