The Madonna and the Political Prisoner, Chapter 4/1

Chapter 4 AD 12

It’s been a difficult three years since Joseph’s death. At first everyone pulled together and supported me in the weeks after the funeral. Joshua stayed at home and worked with James in the workshop. I thought he’d given up his intention of becoming a rabbi and had settled to a domestic life with us in the village. I was in two minds about this. Obviously I was pleased to have his company and he quickly gained the confidence of Joseph’s customers and our income held up despite early fears. But I couldn’t dismiss the prophecies about his future and acting as a village carpenter did not match the expectations of a future Messiah. After Joe’s bar-mitzvah, he too joined his brothers in the carpentry workshop and Joshua soon told me that the boy had a special gift for the work. James was quick and businesslike, but Joe seemed to have an extra love for the work, exhibiting patience with detail and concern for the quality of finish that matched his father’s skill.

After a few months, I spoke to Joshua about my concerns and he agreed to continue his studying at Sepphoris once he was sure that James and Joseph could maintain the business. Joshua would still come home in the evenings and cast his eye over the products finished during the day and maintain the records of the sales and income to ensure we had sufficient to meet our living costs. He also took charge of purchasing the raw materials needed for our work, making use of his time in Sepphoris to contact reputable suppliers of good timber. Occasionally he would take on a small contract in Sepphoris itself, undertaking a home repair or meet some request for an influential customer there and then he would often stay overnight as a guest in the house of the person employing him.

This meant that my worries about our ability to maintain our home and feed the children and my mother largely disappeared and I began to think about some of my other responsibilities, in particular finding wives and husbands for my children. Joshua was already nineteen and I felt strongly that he needed a suitable girl who would not be out of place as the wife of a rabbi, a girl perhaps who would know enough of our history and religion to understand should Joshua reveal the destiny I believed was before him. I had spoken to him several times about choosing a partner for him, and sought his views about any likely girl, but he showed little interest, and seemed fully committed to his studies and oversight of the family business.

I had a long talk with my brother Benjamin a couple of years ago. He had been allocated a couple of fields from Eli’s property by Clopas and worked closely with him and his sons in sharing in the grape harvest and producing wine that was the source of most of the family’s income. Ben’s young family - Matthew, Thomas and new baby Anna - were healthy and he was well supported by his wife, Rachel, the daughter of a scribe from Nain. Although most of his time was taken up with his own affairs, he’d kept an eye on me since Joseph’s death and asked me one day about the responsibility for negotiating successful marriages now Joseph was not around to undertake the father’s role. He agreed to assist me in that duty and turned his attention first to finding an appropriate young girl for Joshua. I mentioned my friend Hannah who moved to Sepphoris when she married a young man studying to be a rabbi there and Ben agreed to contact her and her husband to see if their fifteen year old daughter was spoken for.

I was very disappointed when Ben reported back that the girl was already betrothed, but my brother promised me that he would stand in for my husband and take the responsibility for helping me to find partners for all my children when the time was right. He was as good as his word and both James and Salome are now betrothed, James to Deborah, daughter of one of Susannah and Joshua’s friends in Nain and Salome to Andrew, son of our village baker. But Joshua is still without a partner. I’ve spoken to him many times and asked him to help us find someone suitable but he tells me to stop nagging him - he says it with a smile on his face, but it doesn’t get us any nearer settling him down.

And now, today, they’re all here. We’ve been celebrating the marriage of Salome this week and we’re all a little exhausted and fraught after all the eating and drinking. My sisters and Ben and all their children have just gone home and we’re looking at the debris from the meals and the general muddle after the presence of so many small children. I think Joshua especially must be shattered. He’s been the centre of attention of so many of the youngsters. He tells them stories and they love it, and clamber round - and over - him all day and he doesn’t seem to tire of it. Certainly James doesn’t seem to have his patience and gets cross with them if they pester him too much, so most steer clear of him and go to Joshua or Salome. And Salome has had her own priorities to attend to this week!

Salome and Andrew are about to leave us. I shall miss her presence here although she won’t be far away. They’ll be staying at Andrew’s parents’ home until they can find somewhere of their own. At least we are sure of a good supply of fresh bread - Salome has promised me that! She’s talking to my mother at the moment and Andrew is with Joshua, James and Joe in the workshop looking at some of the things they’ve made. Judas and Simon are outside somewhere talking to some of the other lads from the village.

“Well, Ruth, it’s just you and me now. And I guess it won’t be long before you have your own young man to take you away from me.”

“Oh Mother, I’m not ready for that yet. It’ll be a long time yet.”

“I was married at your age, you know. Well, betrothed, anyhow. I’ll have to get your Uncle Ben to start searching for the right man for you.”

“What about my brothers? They’re older than I am. Are you going to look for twin sisters for Simon and Judas so they can all stay together?” she says laughing. “And what are you going to do about Joshua? He’s getting left behind.”

I give the girl a hug. She’s so like me in many ways. She’s really blossomed in the last couple of years, become her own person. She used to trail round after Salome all the time and I worried that she’d be lonely when Salome got married and moved away, but she’s good company for me and she spends a lot of time talking to Joshua now. I’ve taught her to read and she’s begun to ask questions about some of our scriptural prophecies of the Messiah. I haven’t said anything to her about Joshua’s destiny but I’m beginning to wonder if he’s said anything to her that’s aroused her curiosity. In fact, I’ve not shared anything with my children about Joshua’s special role. Perhaps I ought to. Or should I? I’m in two minds. I don’t want to push Joshua before he’s ready and I don’t want to create problems and jealousies between the children. On the other hand it seems such a momentous thing and it seems odd to say nothing - will the other children feel let down that they’ve not been able to share this knowledge that is so important to me and that I’m sure Joshua himself is exploring in his own way?

Salome comes back.

“Grandma’s tired and has got a headache. I told her to lie down and get some rest, but she wouldn’t before she gave me her blessing. She seemed to think I was going away. I told her, I’m only five minutes’ walk away, less than that. I’ll still see you a lot. I shan’t spend all my time in the bakery.”

“I know you won’t, Salome. But your first priority is to your new husband and his parents. Don’t forget that. But I know we’ll still see you around. I think it’s time you and Andrew went back to your new home. His people will be waiting for you.”

We embrace.

“Mother, where’s the coin in your wedding necklace? There’s a gap.”

I look down and squint at where it should be. I hold the necklace up and then to look properly, I take it off over my head and stare. As Salome said, it’s missing. The small silver coin that was given to me by Joseph while we were in Alexandria after everything had been stolen from us during our escape from Bethlehem. He’d had it made into a new wedding necklace for me, even though we were still only betrothed, to avoid awkward questions from our Jewish neighbours there. My heart misses a beat. I can’t have lost that surely.

“It must be here somewhere. It must have fallen out today.” Someone would have noticed, just as Salome has now. “Ruth, can you help me search for it? Salome, don’t you worry, you get going with Andrew. I’ll get the boys to help me look for it in a minute.”

I try to concentrate on saying farewell to Salome and Andrew for the moment, but I’m panicking inside about the loss of my wedding coin. It means so much to me, especially now that Joseph’s physical presence is no longer with me. As soon as they’re gone, I start the search. Ruth and I look in the obvious places first. I pick up a torch from the wall. The flame’s reflection should pick out the shiny surface of the coin. We can’t see it. I go to where my mother is lying.

“Mother, have you seen my missing coin? Did you see when I must have lost it?”

“What coin, Mari? What are you talking about?”

“The coin from my wedding necklace. It’s gone.”

“Oh. I hadn’t noticed, dear. Yes, I can see now. When did you lose it?”

“That’s what I’m asking you, Mother. Did you notice it was missing? When did you last notice it?”

“I’m sorry, Mari. I hadn’t realised you’d lost it until you said just then.”

I’ve already swept the room with my eyes and can’t see it.

“Mother, can you get up a minute? I want to see if it’s fallen near your mattress and you’re covering it at the moment. I’m sorry, I just want to make sure.”

My mother pushes herself up laboriously and Ruth helps her to her feet. There is nothing on the bedroll and I lift it and shake it. Nothing. The ground beneath is empty too.

“Can I help you look for it?”

“No, Mother, lie down again. I’m sorry to have disturbed you. It must be around here somewhere. I’ll get the boys to help me.”

Ruth interrupts.

“I’ll get them.” She goes to the workshop door. “Joshua, James, Joe, come and look for Mum’s necklace. She’s lost the silver coin from it.”

As Joshua and the others enter, Ruth makes as if to go outside to fetch Simon and Judas.

“Ruth, there’s no need to call the twins. Let them be. There’s enough of us here to do a thorough search. Any more and we’ll just get in each others’ way.”

Joshua gets the broom and begins methodically to sweep the room. We all try for ten minutes or more, going back over the ground we’ve already covered. We pick up piles of clothes and shake them. We look among the discarded and soiled pots, pans and dishes. We pick up the water jars and look underneath.

“Have you been into the workshop or yard, Mother?”

I try to think. I can’t remember going into the workshop but we search there just in case. In vain. I’ve probably been into the yard. That’s harder in the darkness. We can see nothing from a superficial search.”

“It’s hopeless, Mother, can’t we leave it until daylight in the morning? We’ll help you then,” shouts James in exasperation.

I can understand his feelings. What he says is true. Of course it’ll be easier in the morning. James and Joe stop looking and come back inside. Joshua stays outside still searching for a while. Ruth goes to help him. Then Judas and Simon come back indoors and wonder what all the fuss is about. I try not to let them see that I’m crying. It’s silly, it’s only a piece of jewellery and I shouldn’t get so worked up about it, but it’s one of the few keepsakes I have of Joseph and it’s important to me.

We give up. We eat a few of the remaining figs and then one by one to children lie down to rest for the night. I’m fidgeting around, still looking although I know we’ve already searched everywhere two, even three times, but I can’t tear my eyes away. Joshua notices and comes over to me.

He speaks very softly. “Don’t worry, Mother. I know how precious it is to you. We’ll find it in the morning. We’ll persevere until we find it. Try to rest now. Trust us. Don’t fret yourself any more.” He gives me a gentle hug.

* * * * * * *

I’ve been awake half the night. I really shouldn’t get so het up about something as insignificant as a small coin. ‘You can soon find another one,’ said James quite rationally but he doesn’t realise that it would not be the same. Joshua understands. It would be one more loss, one more diminishing of Joseph’s presence. It would be so easy to forget him amid the turmoil of our daily life, so many mouths to feed, so much activity around me. But I do not want to forget. And that necklace, that coin, was a constant reminder as I fingered it from time to time.

As soon as it’s light I want to be up and looking, but everyone else is still fast asleep and I do not want to disturb them. Then I hear movement. Joshua’s head appears around the workshop door. He comes to me and whispers.

“I’ve searched the courtyard already. I don’t think it’s there. Where else have you been?”

Before I can answer, I see Ruth is stirring.

“You went with Ruth to the well several times yesterday, didn’t you? Perhaps you caught your necklace while you were hauling the water up.”

I think. I suppose that’s true, although I can’t remember doing so. We were so busy with everyone around and making sure all was well with the celebrations, I suppose I could have done something to loosen or catch the necklace without noticing as my mind would have been elsewhere.

“Come and have a look with me.”

He knows I can’t wait any longer. Ruth is getting up as well. She wants to come too. We tiptoe out of the house trying not to disturb the others and go slowly down the street towards the rough path leading to the well. It’s really too early to see our neighbours, for the sun is barely up. We go carefully looking at the earth beneath our feet, searching for anything that glints in the sun’s rays. We eventually arrive at the well. No-one is there. At first we see nothing. I’m disappointed. I’d hoped against the odds that we might find it. We’d had a couple of false alarms. An exclamation when Ruth or Joshua saw something shiny, then the realisation that it was just a fragment of broken pottery or a smooth pebble polished by the wind and rain.

Then, suddenly. “Look, over there at the foot of the well parapet. There’s something there.” Joshua has called out and Ruth rushes over to where he is pointing.

“It is, I’m sure it is,” shouts Ruth in excitement, and picks it up and comes dashing over to me, holding a small coin in the palm of her hand. I look. It is. I recognise it. A huge wave of relief overwhelms me. I suddenly burst into tears. Ruth looks up at me in alarm, but Joshua just meets my eyes and smiles.

“You see, Mother, you needn’t have worried so much. I told you we’d find it in the morning.”

We go back. The earth suddenly seems a fresher place, the sunshine now bathes the barren hills and the shadows are lifting. Only a few houses in the depths of the valley are still shaded from the morning shafts of light. When we get home, I find all the children are up and rolling up their mattresses.

“Look!” I shout as we reach the doorway. “We’ve found it. It was by the well. Joshua was right, he said that’s where it would be.”

“Give me your necklace and the coin, Mother. I’ll reset it in the workshop while you and Ruth prepare our breakfast.”

A few minutes later, as we’re sitting round, eating, Joshua comes back with the necklace, the coin restored to its rightful place in the centre. He comes up to me and places it over my head and kisses me on the forehead.

“There you are, Mother. Everything back to normal. You can relax now and finish the celebrations in good heart. We’ve a double reason now. Salome’s first day of marriage and your lost wedding coin is restored. Our father is still in our hearts. We still remember him with love and respect, Mother. And we’re all still here for you. We don’t say it very often, but we say it now. We all love you and are here for you now. It’s up to us to look after you, Father gave us this sacred trust.”