The Madonna and the Political Prisoner, Chapter 5

Chapter 5 AD 12

Salome came to see me this afternoon. She brought me some fresh loaves and we had a quiet chat. I’m reassured. She tells me everything is well, Andrew is content and she’s been made welcome by his parents. That’s a great relief. I didn’t expect any problems, but you never know. I’d be devastated if we’d made the wrong choice for her. Then I had an idea. I invited her to bring Andrew to our evening meal, with this extra bread we have more than enough food. Now is the time to tell them about Joshua’s call. If I put it off, I’ll find excuses not to tell them and it’ll become harder. I think I persuaded Joshua that it was the right thing to do.

So we’re all assembled in the flickering light of the torches round the room. We’ve had our fill and everyone is reclining, chatting. Ruth has been quizzing Salome about married life and the boys are swapping banter with Andrew and Salome causing the poor girl to blush, which is obvious to all even in this dim light. I think it’s time to spare the girl any more embarrassment, so I call for silence and tell them I have something important to say. The hubbub gradually subsides and they all look at me expectantly. I find I’m nervous. I look at Joshua and he is looking at me with some concern. But I’ve said it now. I must go on.

“I’ve a big secret I want to share with all of you. Only Grandma and Joshua know it and I think it’s time I told you. I think it might shock some of you, but listen all the way through before you make any judgments.”

I pause. They are all attention now. The only sounds are the distant bleating of sheep in the hills and the scuffling noise of our hens in the yard. Even our donkey is quiet. I take a deep breath.

“Many years ago when I was a young girl, about as old as Ruth here, I had a very strange experience. I met a stranger, he said he was a messenger from God, and he would appear from time to time and converse with me when I was in the fields caring for our livestock. Then one day, he told me I should bear a very special son, a child sent by God, not by any human father. I just had to accept God’s will and it would happen. I worried how this would come about and what my family and the rabbis in the synagogue would say, but in the end I gave my consent.”

James interrupts me. “Was this before you met our father? Or was he the stranger?”

“No, James, I did not know your father then. This was a very strange young man. He had the habit of appearing and disappearing. I was confused by him. I think now he was an angel. He said he was a messenger from God.”

“You didn’t believe that, surely?”

“I was young, James, and he said such beautiful words. And he told me things that no stranger should have known about us. You know your Aunt Elizabeth in Jerusalem had your cousin John after many years of being barren. This man told me that she would have a child despite her age and later I found out that what he’d said was true and no-one at that time knew about it. How could he have known unless he had some special power? Anyway, I believed him. And then one day he told me that I would have this child and he would be the long promised Messiah, the saviour of our country.”

I look around. They are struck dumb. They are looking at me as though I’m mad.

“And it happened as he’d said. I became pregnant even though I’d had no husband. Although I’d met your father Joseph by then, we’d never been alone together. There was a terrible scandal, you didn’t know your Uncle Eli, Uncle Clopas’s father, who was a rabbi here at the time. He and the other rabbis were furious and accused me of adultery and blasphemy and had me whipped and sent away with instructions to have the child aborted and I was sent to stay with Aunt Elizabeth. You know all this is true, don’t you Mother?”

My mother nods. All the children look to her for confirmation.

“What Mari, your mother, says is true. It was an awful time for all of us. But your mother was strong and steadfast and wouldn’t bow to any of their demands even though they threatened to kill her.”

“How? What did they want to do to you?” It’s Joe that interrupts this time.

“The punishment for adultery and blasphemy is stoning. In fact, either offence could draw that death sentence. I was judged guilty of both.”

“How did you escape then?”

“Your grandmother pleaded for me. Your father sought my release. Elizabeth’s husband, Zechariah, who was a rabbi in the Jerusalem Temple believed in me and wrote to the rabbis here. Eventually the rabbis here were persuaded of the truth of my claim and convinced a meeting of the men of the village who’d been called together to judge and condemn me.”

“What happened to the baby? Was a boy born as the stranger promised?”

“Yes.”

“Where is he? Who is he?”

“Don’t you know? Can’t you guess? It’s your brother, Joshua!”

All eyes turn to him and stare. Joshua is silent. He is not smiling, his eyes even seem to be watering.

“I don’t believe it. You can’t believe it, any of you. It’s a story you made up to hide your shame. Whoever heard of seeing an angel? I ask you! These things don’t happen.” James looks furiously at me and then looks round at his siblings.

My mother speaks quietly. “James, don’t shout at your mother like that. What she says is true. I can attest it.”

“But you only have her word for it. I don’t doubt that she caused a scandal and all the things she said happened then are true. But surely you don’t believe her story of the angel and her innocence.”

And he turned and looked at Joshua.

“You’re a bastard, that’s what you are. You’ve no right to be in our family and get all the privileges of the eldest son. That’s my right. All this special attention and going off to be a rabbi. It’s all wrong.”

“James, please, don’t be like that. Blame me if you like, but not your brother. It’s not his fault. And you can ask Rabbi Joel at the synagogue and Rabbi Jonas knew as well although he was not a rabbi then. And the old man Jethro, he was convinced in the end, although he was very sceptical at first.”

“I believe you, Mother.” Ruth says this quietly and looks at the others. They say nothing. They don’t know what to say. Some of them are looking very uncomfortable. They don’t want to join in James’s outburst but they don’t look very convinced. Perhaps it was a mistake to tell them.

“Joshua, what do you think of all this nonsense? You don’t believe her, do you? Or has she filled your mind with these fairy tales and perverted your common sense?”

Joshua looks hard at his brother and is silent for a long time. All are waiting to see how he will react.

“You heard what our mother said. You know her love and care for us. Do you think she is mad?”

“You don’t deny it then? You’re mad as well! You’ll come to no good. If this rumour spreads around people’ll crucify you. They’ll watch every step you take, criticise every word you utter. Life will be impossible for you. What are you going to do? Are you just going down to the synagogue tomorrow morning and shout, “I’m the Messiah, let’s throw the Romans out! You won’t last five minutes, they’ll tear you apart.”

“No, James, it won’t be like that. I need to go and talk to my cousin John in Ein-Karem. I know he feels he has a special calling too. I need to share my thoughts with him, we need to test our call to see that it is true, that we are not deluding ourselves.”

“So you think you might be wrong, then? That your mother was hallucinating?”

“No, James. I believe her. But the nature of my call, how and when I make any move, these things are still a mystery to me.”

“So you’re going to leave us and go to John. Leaving all the work here to Joe and me. You have all the privileges of the eldest and then you intend to abandon us. Hard work with your hands is too demeaning for you, is it?”

“James, stop it! You’re being totally unfair. You can shout at me if you like, it was my decision to tell you now. I thought you all deserved to know and not suddenly find out when Joshua’s role is revealed and you all feel foolish because you hadn’t been told before. I don’t think Joshua really wanted me to tell you.”

“You know now what Mother has said. I’ve told you that there’s still much preparation and thinking to be done. I promise to share my thoughts with you, your support and ideas will assist me. But for now, I think I should withdraw. I see this has been a shock for most of you. I think you should talk about it among yourselves freely without the embarrassment of me being here and you all having to check every word you are saying.”

He turns to me. “Come, Mother, and you, Grandma. I think we should leave them to talk amongst themselves. They’ll be more honest with each other if we’re not listening.”

He’s right, of course. He usually is. We go to move towards my mother’s room, but Joshua guides us towards the door to the street.

“Let’s get right away. Let’s look at the stars.”

I feel his hand on my shoulder and he slips his other arm around my mother to help her up. We leave the silent room, as we move outside we hear a sudden burst of conversation. They are suddenly all talking at once. We move out of earshot.

“Was that wise, Joshua?” I ask. “James will persuade all the others now that it’s all nonsense, even a fraud. Should we not have stayed and argued?”

“If we’d stayed, the others would have said little. They’ve got minds of their own. You heard what Ruth said. She’s already committed herself and said that she believed you.”

“I think Joshua’s right.” My mother makes her first contribution. “The others will have a chance to make their views known now. And it’s only a beginning. It was a shock for them, James overreacted, he’ll think it over and come to a more sensible and considered standpoint.”

“Do you think I was wrong to broach it with them now, Mother?”

“No, not necessarily, Mari. They had to know sooner or later. It was always going to be a shock. The longer left, the harder it would be. I’ve often wondered if you were wise to leave it so long.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before then?”

“I have to trust you, dear. Too many times I’ve wanted to guide you and subsequently found that your intuition was right. Or rather, you discerned God’s will and shamed my thoughts, so I’ve learned to be quiet and let you decide. If I’d had my way twenty years ago, Joshua would never have been born, for I was party to the decision to send you to Elizabeth in the hope that they’d help you rid yourself of the child. If I’d known all along that you were being approached by the stranger, I’d have forbidden you to leave the house without being chaperoned.”

“But you did support me. It was your intervention and your persuasion of Joseph to stay loyal to me that saved my life. Mother, I’ve always meant to ask you. That dream that Joseph reported that changed the rabbis’ minds. Did he really dream those texts, or did you prompt him about the texts that Eli’d given me when I came of age?”

“That’s my secret, Mari. That’s one I’ll take to my grave. God inspired all of us to act as we did and it had the perfect outcome, of that I’m sure. I can’t remember the exact details now, it was a long time ago.”

“Of course you can remember, Mother. You don’t forget things like that.”

“Well, I have forgotten, so it’s no use you trying to get me to say otherwise. I can’t remember. You were saved. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“Oh, Mother!”

Now I don’t know what to believe. Did she really fabricate the story of the dream and the miracle texts that persuaded the rabbis that my claim was from God himself? Perhaps the miracle was that Joseph went along with it despite the offence my pregnancy must have caused him. Then there was Zechariah’s letter. It wasn’t just Joseph’s dream. It doesn’t matter now. Joshua is here and so am I. That’s the miracle.

* * * * * * * * *

We stayed out in the cool of the night for a long time. We wandered to the edge of the village and stood, just gazing at the blackness of the sky and the contrasting array of stars. After all the argument we found it restful just to stay silent. At first I’d felt the tension, the need to ask Joshua more questions, to discuss the probable outcome of the conversations now taking place among my children. But gradually this pressure seeped away. Both Mother and Joshua seemed content. Then Joshua took my hand and looked at the heavens spread out before our eyes.

“Leave it to God, Mother. You’ve said what needs to be said. My brothers and sisters will react in their own ways. Some will believe. Others will remain sceptical. Accept it. Love them equally. Do not ask them to conform. I’ll go away for a time. They’ll get used to the idea.”

He squeezed my hand.

“I think it’s time to go back now. You go back together. I want to spend some time on my own to think and pray.”

* * * * * * * * *

The men left yesterday with others from the village to make pilgrimage to Jerusalem for the Passover festival. All my sons went, together with Clopas, Miriam and their two sons. Ruth has stayed with me and Salome says she’ll visit me each day as her Andrew has joined the party also. Joshua is intending to stay there after the Passover and spend time with John and Elizabeth as we’d previously agreed.

The last couple of months have been difficult. The children are in disagreement about Joshua. James has remained hostile to the idea and his wife Deborah has clearly been influenced by him and regards me with great suspicion now, although she says little. I can tell it though from her attitude and silences. Ruth is a great support. She chats to me and has asked me many questions and is more assiduous than ever at searching the scriptures, listening avidly to the rabbis when we attend the synagogue on the Sabbath.

I think Salome believes too although she is circumspect in what she says as I don’t think she wants to commit herself in front of Andrew who is clearly dismissive of the whole story. Apparently he told his parents and now the gossip has gone round the whole village and everyone is looking at me as though I’ve lost my wits. Well, not quite everyone, there are still those who were present at my trial before the rabbis in the synagogue over twenty years ago and who were among those who heard Eli, Joel and Jethro proclaim that I was bearing the future Messiah. But then I went away, and many forgot or put it to the back of their minds. Now this tale is opening up the controversy for I’m discovering that many who heard Eli’s speech were not necessarily convinced by his argument, but were reluctant to condemn to death a young girl they’d all known and liked.

As for the boys - well, the twins are not hostile like James, but they seem to joke about it, not take it seriously. I suspect they are reluctant to dispute with me but I guess when they are with other village boys they laugh it off in order to avoid being teased about it. Joseph - I haven’t a clue what he’s thinking. He gets on quietly with his work with James, but never says anything to me. I’ve heard James trying to speak to him about the issue too, but Joseph ignores him and only opens his mouth when James changes the subject. I notice that James has stopped talking about it to Joe, considering it a waste of breath. I honestly don’t know whether that means he believes but hasn’t the intellect or strength to counter James or whether he’s blotting out the whole episode as something he doesn’t want to think about.

Deborah was feeling a little unwell this morning, so Ruth has gone alone to fetch water. We don’t need as much now all the men are away. I thought at first that Deborah was just missing James - she went with him last year to the Passover - and this is the first time they’ve been apart since their marriage. We’re alone at present as Mother is visiting a friend a couple of streets away. I expected her usual silence that has descended over her since I told them about Joshua’s birth and destiny, but she suddenly starts talking to me - perhaps she feels less inhibited when James is not there.

“Mari, there’s something I need to tell you.”

My ears prick up. Is she going to say something I don’t want to hear?

“I think I’m pregnant. That’s why I haven’t gone with James this time.”

“That’s wonderful, Deborah. I’m so pleased for you.”

“I’m a bit nervous about it. I hear so many stories from the other women about the pain and dangers of childbirth and my own mother is not here.”

“Deborah, you can talk to me any time. I’ve had seven children now. I think I’ve sufficient experience to be able to pass on some advice to you - words of wisdom shall I say, from living through it, not from old wives’ tales.”

“I’m feeling queasy a lot of the time, even at this very moment.”

“That’s quite natural, Deborah. It’ll ease during the day and cease altogether as the pregnancy becomes more advanced. That was my experience anyway. Look, sit down, there’s no need to persevere with any more sweeping. Ruth will finish it off when she returns. And don’t think you’ve got to help me with the cooking if the smell of certain foods makes you feel worse.”

Deborah looks very pale and is breathing heavily. I leave her for a while and when I return colour has come back into her face. She’s an attractive girl, and very level-headed. I’ve always felt she was older than her averred sixteen years. Sitting there on one of the old stools that Joseph made for us, she looks younger now and more vulnerable. I sit beside her.

“Feeling better?”

“Yes, a bit.”

“Just relax, don’t worry. It’ll pass off in a few minutes I expect.”

She is silent while I attend to a few household chores.

“Mari, I’m sorry that my husband says such awful things to you. It made me very embarrassed when he argued with you and shouted at Joshua. I don’t know what to believe, but he shouldn’t have treated you like that. I feel guilty that I didn’t stop him.”

“It’s not your fault, Deborah. You can’t be held responsible for what he thinks.”

“But I should have stopped him. I should have apologised to you then.”

“You’re apologising to me now, aren’t you?”

“Yes. But I should have done so at the time.”

“Don’t let it be a matter for you to argue about with James. I don’t want it to cause quarrels between you. Salome has a similar concern with her husband, Andrew. I know it all sounds far-fetched. When it happened to me, I found it incredible too, but it happened as I was promised. The proof will come, Deborah. But be patient. Just have an open mind for the moment. Don’t worry about James. He’ll find out the truth in his own good time.”