Up Periscope

My ancestors gave me very peculiar genes
I found out about this when I was in my teens
When all of my friends were starting to shave
And chest hair was sprouting like a man from a cave

My chin was as smooth as a little baby’s bum
Not a single hair grew on my chest or my tum
As inches they added to stand six feet tall
I stayed small in stature growing hardly at all

But in one department I was never disgraced
And boy did my girlfriend have a smile on her face
We met on the dance floor and got into a clinch
She discovered my assets and the rest was a cinch

When we went to the cinema we sat in the back row
We never could tell you what picture they showed
When we went to the beach I never could cope
The sight of her in a swimsuit it was up periscope

She couldn’t get enough and always indulged
To help me relieve the battle of the bulge
I thank my forefathers for making me stand proud
Being ugly doesn’t matter if you’re well endowed

With the passing of time I’m now an antique
The spirit is willing but the body is weak
When we go to the states we will visit Niagara
But we won’t see the falls cause I’m taking Viagra