part three "Please leave your messeage after the after the out of tune tune"

I certainly had no intention of caring deeply for a guy who was autistic and would have smiled benignly at anyone who suggested I might, they obviously did not know that I could control my feelings and where I placed them. I had no intention when I met Jon of feeling more than concern and offering my wisdom and knowledge to him. I say that now with my tongue in my cheek, (another expression that he would not have understood), like when he was a child, “laughing his head off” meant exactly that to him and he thought people were awful for not minding about it and expected to see people minus their heads.
What happened was not my plan, what happened was my growth.
Jon taught me more than I believed possible, he taught me that saying what is in your head and heart takes courage and honesty, that being able to be vulnerable with someone takes courage, that caring for another person has so little to do with sex, that being close can be done when miles apart, that it is possible to love a person but not their condition. I have read a lot of articles written by autistics, (Jon did not believe that they were written by genuine autistics) and they appear to have embraced their autism, seeing it as a strength and not as an irritant. Jon could not understand that. He knew he was autistic, but could not find a way around it in order to function on a daily basis. Sometimes he would go a couple of days without eating as he could not remember what to do if he was going to cook and would be too frightened to go out of the house to MacDonald’s and if he spoke to me on the phone in the evening would say things like “he was pulling in his belt”. This I discovered was actually what he was doing as it staved off hunger pangs and he might have heard me say that he had spent too much money on something and decided that he could not therefore spend any more on food. If I then said it was all right for him to get a pizza, he would phone and order one. At other times he would take his medication regular as clockwork and then forget to for days at a time. He would make himself ill with worry about putting his dustbin out, convinced that there were “wheelie bin” police around and then be able to tackle a job that needed doing on his car with precision and ordered thinking. He would want to sleep for hours and hours sometimes and then not at all at others. He would make plans to visit and then not be able to come up. He drove with total focus and concentration and was not able to really conduct a conversation if he was driving and thought people that did were unsafe as their concentration was not fully on the road. He was shocked to read in an article that it is not usual for autistic people to be able to drive. He was also angry. He was angry a lot of the time, at injustice, at the politics, at distorted truths, at the way people treated people, yet at the same time wanted to blow people up, hurt himself and die.
This man had knowledge about a wide range of things and had it at depth, and, yet could not make a cup of tea on a bad day. He saw people very clearly and all his observations to me over the time I knew him were correct, he seemed to be able to sense people and know how they were inside. He was very much an observer in his way of living and could be so still at times that it appeared he had stopped breathing.
He described himself to me as being like a computer, too much information and he “crashed”. I saw that in the times we were together, he was able, at times to pull enormous energy from inside and “act” and then he would have to sleep for days at a time to recuperate.