A Falling World:Chapter 8 Failed Reconciliations

As the days went by the mornings were filled with a tension that replaced the levity that Sarah had grown used to. She hadn’t noticed until it was gone but as she looked around, she realized how comfortable they had all become with each other. The shift, she noticed, manifested in how the others were not as open as they use to be. The cause was David, whenever he was around their conversations dimmed and everyone was quieter than usual. It felt like David was judging everyone without saying a word.

He kept to himself except for the rare question to others and when he was not directly engaged with something David seemed to hold his last expression in an almost statuesque presentation until another event came up that he responded to. Despite being in what he called a “worldview shattering situation" his posture was always relaxed and his voice upbeat. He was difficult to read and while his presence always felt innocuous, no one felt the need to reach out to him unless he reached out first.

David started his lessons the same as everyone else, with Toyatoma working to strengthen his mental resolve. By this point everyone was familiar with the exercises with Marcus being able to successfully fend off Toyatoma's mental attacks long enough for their engagements have some form of back and forth. His matches still didn’t last very long but they were noticeably becoming longer than everyone else’s with him pushing back against Toyatoma and getting in her head. David had yet to experience any of this and on that morning was called into the field first to challenge Toyatoma.

As soon as he crossed the threshold, laid out by markings on the ground with glyphs glowing at the corner edges, the room filled with indistinguishable whispers. Pausing, David glanced about where after a moment the word neat echoed above the noise in a voice that was similar to but not exactly David’s voice. Luther shouted to David about what kind of girls he liked at whereupon a blurred image emerged in the vague shape of a woman. Blond hair then red, curled then straight. The figure shifted in height and attire until David discovered it at which point it vanished. Toyatoma interjected and the whispers took form with a stream of insults directed towards her.

Looking displeased David apologized for the noise, he curtly answered “intrusive thoughts” and left it at that.

The insults were briefly followed by a series of curses and repetitious commands to stop before returning to an indistinguishable choir of static. Throughout this interlude Toyatoma waited to the side studying David. When the noise died down further into a series of sullen murmers she approached slowly – first directly in a straight line then curving off to the side circling him.

Toyatoma pierced into his mind easily enough, just as she had with the others, but when she tried to ignite the feelings of fear, doubt, and rage her efforts were snuffed out by an encompassing pressure. She pressed forward planting the seeds of anxiety and forcing it to grow. The feeling of anxiety took root in crevices that its predecessors failed to find. It grew with a ferocity Toyatoma took pride in though in its heft there came a point where it buckled and it too dissipated like the rest – snuffed out at the juncture where it required David to nourish it instead of Toyatoma. Still pushing forward she twisted and morphed her size exactly as she had with Luther and let her skin drop to the floor expelling spiders that climbed their way onto David who stood motionless watching them crawl.

“So this is your response when faced with danger. To freeze like prey hoping for the fates to be in your favor?” Toyatoma’s voice sang in the room and reverberated throughout Davids mind – her mockery and joy evident in her tone.

“No, it’s not." David responded “I just don’t know how all this works and it’s not like you’re actually going to hurt anyone. Also, I’m not sure if these things are real and I don’t want to kill them By moving around too much if they are.”

“Tell me David, what are you feeling?”

“Physically, like there are spiders crawling over me. A few seconds ago I guess I was freaking out a bit but that’s gone. I might feel a bit of tightness around my heart and maybe some pressure in my throat if that matters at all.” At the last bit the legs of an arachnid pressed on his lips opening them where at David did flick that one away. “So, are these things actually alive?” He inquired at last.

“No, they are not.” Toyatoma replied and no sooner than she finished her statement David stepped away flinging the spiders off him. With every step came a crunch until at last the projections either scurried into the distance or dissipated where they were.

Toyatoma excused David from the field and explained that they just witnessed someone who naturally favors the second strategy in Psyball. Instead of balancing his mental defense and offense David just took the brunt of the attacks without letting them sink in. The trouble is that he doesn’t have any teeth so not only is he naturally not inclined to defend himself he is also unable to attack. With this Toyatoma also took the liberty to address David directly, “You should be careful David, you said the reason you weren’t scared is you trusted that as your teacher you won’t get hurt in these exercises. That is a very dangerous assumption to make. The reason we are training is because this magic is dangerous and common. You will get hurt if you take it for granted. As for this training take care, because while you won’t suffer injuries in this field that won’t be true for all of them. In most rings those spiders wouldn’t just feel real they would be indistinguishable from the real thing causing real damage if you can’t defend yourself – which you don’t appear to have the natural instincts for.”

After the lesson David left and didn’t return until the evening just prior to when dinner was set – a pattern he followed as ritualistically as Sarah and her morning coffee. He ate his food in minutes before vanishing somewhere until the next morning. This became his routine. He would stay for the lessons then vanish for the entirety of the day only reappearing for a few minutes at a time for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. After a few days of this boxes arrived that were set up in a corner in the main living space. After that, he no longer vanished after dinner until the next morning, instead he occupied in the living space for a few hours.

David sat at the corner with his boxes unpacked: a table, some led lights, electrical components, and an assortment of tools. Progress was slow but meticulously he began cutting away at the rubber exposing copper wires. Luther took an interesting what he was doing and soon the two of them were trying to figure out how to connect an Arduino to the LED’s and a power source. They stripped the wires and assembled the components. Once that was complete the two of them spent another day and used some templates to code how the Arduino would color the LEDs once powered on then spent four hours wondering why the code they wrote on David’s laptop wasn’t transferring to the Arduino until Luther realized that they connected the wires wrong to the power source and fried that component. It was going to take another week or a new Arduino to be shipped to him but instead of vanishing like he had before he sat in the living space occupying his time with a book for a few hours after dinner instead.

At first his mere presence bothered Sarah. Whenever he was around she kept thinking about what he was going to do to take advantage of the situation. A creepy stare, an innuendo, some passive aggressive comment, or an attempt to get her alone. The options kept going through her mind which were all followed by thoughts on how to deal with them with some being more aggressive than others. But those scenarios never happened, David answered questions when asked and minded his own business otherwise. She didn’t even get the feeling that he was avoiding her and when she asked Luther and Marcus what they thought about him they didn’t have much to say – even Luther who spent the most time with him could only say that he was polite but they only really focused on the table they were trying to build.

 “I know this has been bothering you for a while now. Do you want me to keep an eye on him?” Luther looked concerned as he asked but continued, “I don’t have a problem with him but if he's been bothering you, I can help set some ground rules.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it” Sarah replied “but that’s fine. We have a history but he hasn’t been doing anything strange. Henry is just on my ass about making peace with him and I’m just looking for any excuse not too.”

It took a moment for Luther to respond but when he did he made an effort to emphasize that she didn’t have to do anything “Look, he’s here same as the rest of us. I know Henry is the one who has set all this up but don’t let him pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to.”

“I know,” she replied “but he does have a point. We’re all going to be needed to deal with what’s coming and that’s going to be hard to do if he decides to duck out. Henry has already had to put in a lot of effort to get him here and Henry is really pushing to try and keep him here. So long as he doesn’t act like a creep I’m fine.”

Marcus interjected in agreement “Yeah, the first time we saw him he was talking about letting everyone die if he wasn’t replaced in the prophecy. Even now he’s just doing the bare minimum and he doesn’t seem to care about learning magic at all. Do either of you know what he does when he leaves after the lessons?”

Marcus and Sarah looked at Luther for an answer who responded that he hasn’t asked. “Why don’t we all just go to a bar then? Hang out, talk shit, all that. It’ll be fun, he might enjoy himself, and we might get to know him a little better.”

They agreed, some more hesitant than others, with Sarah choosing to be the one to invite him. It wasn’t something she was interested in doing and she felt a lump in her chest form. Speaking with David was a chore that she did not want to touch, and it carried with her as the day progressed.

Before dinner Sarah caught David before he entered the dining hall and asked if he had a minute to talk. She rolled her eyes, having them point off to the side as she tilted her head in that direction. This was a moment that she had been psyching herself up for since the moment she decided to speak with him. This made it sting even more when he declined saying that he didn’t feel safe being alone with her and proceeding into the dining room.

Her frustration rose fast at that. Not only was he supposed to be happy about that invitation, but what he said hit something raw. Some thoughts are more emotion than tangible strings of words. In this particular moment, if Sarah’s thoughts were to be expressed as words it would be something along the following. He doesn’t feel safe around me? That bitch has popped up randomly in my life for years and always brings up memories I don’t care about remembering! That creep hasn’t ever left me alone and now that we’re forced together he's saying he's not safe with me? This guy is a god damn incel and he’s playing games with me isn’t he?

Sarah snapped, and the venom was palpable “what do you know about not being safe? When have you – some white ass guy been in any situation where you haven’t been safe? You have no idea how much I’ve pushed aside to even have this conversation with you. What do you mean that you aren’t safe being alone with me?”

David’s response was as glib as it was infuriating “Right, you’re a girl which means that you are constantly in situations where you are surrounded by people taller and stronger than you who may not always engage with you in ways that you like. You are also a reality warper now which I’m just going to say trumps testosterone any day. And we don’t exactly have a great history which means I’m not very safe if you decide to get angry and lash out.

“On top of that I have actively tried to make amends over the years by apologizing and all I’ve gotten is silence – which is fine, and entirely your right. But that does tell me something about you. Let me be clear if you want this to be an argument guess what – you win because I don’t care. Tell me, what are you hoping to get out of this conversation?”

Sarah was exasperated “What I want is for us to start with a clean slate. Let’s just pretend the past doesn’t exist for everyone’s sake.”

David’s voice was oddly monotone when he declined “No, because I don’t think you care about my motivations or thoughts at all. I think you’ve shifted me into being an object to make your life easier because other people are pressuring you into this, and I think I can say that because I’m the one who reached out several times to reconcile. I waited until after we graduated to reach out to you so you wouldn’t feel pressured one way or another to listen. I pushed aside the bullshit you put me through and accepted responsibility for my actions. I accepted and acknowledged that I hurt you and I did that alone while you were nothing more than a blank wall.

“You know what this probably too complicated for you. How about I explain this in twenty five words or less.” Counting one condescending finger at a time David emphasized “I believe reconciliation is wonderful when done for its own sake. What you are doing is dishonest, manipulative, and repulsive. So Sarah go fuck yourself.”

“what do you mean manipulative and dishonest? You think starting fresh is that? What is wrong with you?”

“We’ve had years to start fresh if that is what you wanted, without the overcast of some prophecy or your status here influencing things. So I don’t buy for a moment that a fresh start is what you’re interested in. I can’t read minds but its clear as day what you care about is staying here and learning magic. It’s the old man who cares about us starting fresh because he wants me here and knows that I’m out as soon as a better offer comes my way.

“When we were discussing the terms of my stay here it was almost comical to see his reactions shift at my conditions when he realized I had no interest in learning all this. I almost had him paying me double my previous salary before he shut down when I started going through health care and he chose to only offer to pay my rent and food. I folded like a putz, but it’s not like I planned on getting many paychecks from the start. I’ve been paying attention since I’ve gotten here and I haven’t seen any indication from you that would indicate your personality has changed at all. The only reason you’re trying this manipulative farce is because Henry asked you and between playing nice with me and possibly jeopardizing your place here you chose to take a crack at the former.”

The seconds ticked by as a heavy silence fell between the two. David waited for Sarah to say something but no response came. She only stared at him and as he felt the air thicken around him he realized he was stressing her out. A tension grow taught throughout his body and he had an understanding that this sensation he was feeling was instigated entirely by him.

Before too much time passed David realized he had to be the one to de-escalate the situation. As calmly as he could he said “Listen,  I don’t care if this escalates I just don’t want to be the one who escalates it. So let me reexplain without any curses. Before I came here I was getting pretty close to accomplishing a really challenging goal of mine. I’m not here because I want to be, I’m here until I find a better option. So It doesn’t have to be now but at some point just let me know if I’m bothering you and tell me how you want me to act. I don’t care. I can put up with whatever for a couple weeks and if necessary for a month or two. Just don’t insult my intelligence and pretend what you’re doing doesn’t have an ulterior motive.”