It's Still Another Day! (I.P.)
By Denzella
- 5101 reads
It’s Still Another Day! (I.P.) 1478 words
The two boys left her for dead, but, unbeknown to them she was still breathing. The lads were no more than fifteen or sixteen and joy riding, for a lark. They had felt the thump as they hit her, and they knew they should have stopped. But that would mean they would be in big trouble so they left her lying in the road and got away from that place as fast as they could. They abandoned the car about three miles from the scene and started running not stopping until they reached the street where they both lived.
‘Say nothing about tonight, O’Leary, or I’ll come after you.’
‘You don’t need to say that Danny. You should’ve stopped, but I won’t split, you know that.’
‘Yeah, okay Mickey. Anyway, you’re in as much trouble as me so just remember that.’
Mickey O’Leary quietly let himself into the welcoming warmth of his home, thinking, yeah, but I wasn’t the one driving. Wisely, he kept that thought to himself.
‘Okay, see you tomorrow,’ he called back before shutting his front door.
Danny Fairfax knew Mickey was weak, and he wondered how he would stand up if they ever got questioned. He decided he would have to put the frighteners on Mickey just in case…
A milkman, just starting his round. saw what looked like a bundle of blood-soaked rags lying in the road until he got closer and saw it was a young girl. At first he thought she was dead but then he felt the flicker of a pulse. He looked around and was lucky to see an early morning motorist on his way home from a nightshift and managed to flag him down. He told the motorist to stay with the girl while he ran to the nearest house and banged on the front door until a sleepy looking man poked his head out of an upstairs window.
‘What do want at this time of the day…making all that noise.’
‘I need to phone for an Ambulance, there's been an accident.’
‘Right, I’ll come down.’
The man let the milkman in to make the call and soon the Ambulance arrived at the scene. The Ambulance crew were shaking their heads as they lifted the stretcher carrying the body of the girl before carefully setting it down inside the vehicle. The milkman was asked to follow, but he said he didn’t know the girl and hadn’t seen what happened. So, they just took his name and address and set their blue lights flashing as they sped towards the hospital.
*******************
At first there were plenty of visitors. Her boyfriend, her best friend, her two brothers and three sisters but they all gradually dropped off. Jenny, life and soul of the party, Jenny, just lay there. Lifeless!
Only Joyce, Jenny’s heartbroken Mum, came each day if only to swab her mouth and wipe the dribble away. She would sit for hours talking to her but getting no response. The nursing staff had said talking to her about things that had been important in her life might jog a memory and bring her out of the coma. But that hadn’t worked, so Joyce had resorted to talking about events that were going on in her life.
‘Your brother got married yesterday. I'm not keen on the bride. She thinks she’s a cut above, just because she comes from that posh estate by the gasworks. She walks about like she’s got a bad smell under her nose.’
‘Would you like a cup of tea, Joyce?’ a friendly nurse enquired. Jenny’s mum had been coming for so long now that all the nurses were on first name terms with her.
‘That would be lovely, dear.’ Joyce said turning to look at the nurse. ‘I’m gasping.’
Was that a smile? Joyce felt sure Jenny had smiled as she turned back. Only the briefest…but it was there…she was sure…it was there! No, she couldn’t be sure. She could never be sure. So, she carried on knitting and chatting just as she did every day. Well, sometimes she knitted and sometimes she crocheted.
‘I’m knitting this for your sister’s baby. It’s her third. Ooh, fancy me forgetting…you haven’t seen her first yet. Doesn’t time fly when…’ She choked on that last bit and quickly searched for a tissue.
‘Here’s your tea, Joyce.’
‘Ta, luv.’
‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, I’m fine. Just being silly that’s all.’
The nurse put her arm round Joyce’s shoulder, and that kindly action was enough to open the flood gates…
Joyce sobbed uncontrollably for what seemed like an eternity, her head buried in the ample bosom of the kindly nurse. Eventually, she lifted her tear stained face and smiled saying.
‘I’ll be getting you in trouble keeping you from your work and carrying on like this. Look I’ve made your uniform all wet.’
‘No, you’re all right, Joyce, you needed that.’
‘Yes, I think I did, I’m a silly old fool but sometimes things just get on top of me.’
‘I’m not surprised with what you’ve had to deal with all these years, and on your own too.’
‘Well, everyone leads busy lives nowadays. No one’s got time for anything.’
‘Tell me, Joyce, have you never once thought it might be best all round if the machines were turned off?’
‘No! Never! If today is not the day she comes out of the coma, it’s still another day that she’s alive. So, there’s still a possibility... Who knows when…we can’t play God.’
‘Well, she’s a very lucky girl to have a mother like you, ’
‘How can you say that? Lucky!’
‘Yes. I’m sorry wrong choice of words.’
‘Well, I won’t be visiting on my own at the weekend. Jenny’s sister, my youngest, is getting married next year and of all things she wants to tell Jenny herself. She wants to bring her fiancé too; he’s supposed to be some big shot in the city. Apparently he’s rolling in it, according to my Melanie, and he drives one of them big cars. It's a Porch, at least, that is what I think she calls it. Anyway, she wants to bring him with her.’
‘Oh, that’ll be nice. At least you won’t be sitting here on your own.’
‘Don’t kid yourself...I give them ten minutes…no longer! Why, after all this time, she wants to visit her poor sister I’ll never know. She’s never had time for her before.’
‘Joyce, shouldn’t you be making a move it’s nearly four o’clock and starting to get dark.’
‘Ooh is it that time already. Best get cracking. They’ll be clamouring for their dinner before I’ve even got me coat off. See you tomorrow.’
Joyce gathered up all her belongings, leant over to wipe the dribble from her daughters face one more time and kissed her goodbye before leaving. She didn’t see the one tear that slowly tracked its way down her daughter’s face as Joyce turned to go.
Come Saturday, Melanie, was throwing a bit of a tantrum because her fiancé had said he was going to be late and that he would have to meet her at the hospital. That was not at all to her liking. She had always been jealous of Jenny because she was always the one that got the attention. So she wanted to show her rich boyfriend off by walking in on his arm just in case her sister was even a little bit aware, but now that was not going to happen. Consequently, she was in a foul mood as she set off with her mother on the bus instead of travelling in her fiancé’s brand new Porshe.
‘When they arrived, Joyce leaned over to wipe Jenny’s mouth that was always the first thing she did before giving her a kiss.
‘Oh, that’s disgusting. How can you do that?’
‘She’s my daughter and I would do it for any of my children including you.’
‘Oh, pleeese, switch me off if I was ever like her’
‘Don’t talk like that.’
‘Oh, quick mum wipe her mouth again, he’s here and doesn’t he look smart?’
‘Fancy is as fancy does.’
A tall, well-dressed man entered the little side ward and held out his hand to Joyce,
‘Hello, Mrs Tennant, how are you and your lovely daughter?’
‘There are two of my daughters in this room which one did you mean?’
‘Oh, Jenny of course,’ he said, looking for the first time at the girl in the bed. ‘Melanie tells me it was a Hit and Run. Did they ever catch who was responsible?’
‘They questioned a young lad but before they could charge him, he got run over himself.’
‘No more than the little toe rag deserved. What sort of person does a thing like that…leaving the poor girl for dead? Some people have no conscience,’ said Daniel Fairfax, Melanie’s, oh so, smart-talking fiancé.
End
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Comments
It's a fine plot Moya and
It's a fine plot Moya and gives your reader an absurdly nasty twist in the guts. Mum's voice is authentic and as ever, it's a considered resonse to the IP.
Perhaps alter the 'An ambulance arrived..' sentence for clarity so that the Daniel 'he' doesn't get confused with the milkman 'he' on the next sentence. You could stick some narrative thingummy dots in in to show a change of narration and start with: 'The milkman called the ambulance when he saw a bunch of blood soaked rags.. It wasn't until he got closer..' Just a thought.
Anyway, it's a fine tale.
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Hi Moya, I started to wonder
Hi Moya, I started to wonder if the boyfriend would be one of the boys, and that he might be at least shocked when he realised what he'd done, but the twist for me is that he never developed a conscience. Pure evil. I really liked how you developed the story in a subtle way without telling - the other boy getting run over - that was putting the frighteners on, to the extreme, and now that murdering little toe-rag / big-shot is going to be...
Great story.
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A well told story. 2 lines
A well told story. 3 lines stand out for me as giving authenticity; 'they felt the thump as they hit her' 'what looked like a bundle of blood soaked rags'' and 'at first there were plenty of visitors'.
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What a great story, even
What a great story, even without the twist.
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Picture of a conscience
Picture of a conscience getting hardened, so sad, but well written. How we long for something to shock awake, though it would be a hard road, much better than remaining as he is now. Rhiannon
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Nice tale Moya. Works very
Nice tale Moya. Works very well. I was hoping she'd wake up and recognise him and point her finger at him. He'd fall back in shock and hit his head on the door frame and die!
Sorry got a bit carried away there...
Nice response to the I.P.
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And reading your new profile,
And reading your new profile, Moya, carry on the good work. Oh, and I'm with you on that gin. Which reminds me. Must go and finish mine
Enjoyed...as ever
Tina
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Loved the opening as it
Loved the opening as it really hooked. Then it went into the main story and hit us with the twist. Nice construction. Really well told.
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