a sort of green

Cherry

By Di_Hard

Mon, 17 Jul 2017
  • 2140 reads
6 comments
 

in autumn small,  three-toed green, lizard dry

stampedes down the steps' side

dark green cloaking concrete

with rustling possibilities

or, lushly large burst over stone walls

and eager crowds towards the light

ever hopeful bushel busy with shadows

coolcurled  in sleek emerald

and in late summer when all others

seed, ready for sleep, here shoot stars

of nectar, lure a choir of bees

their year's last feast sets the next

for blackbirds and thrushes, eye black-holes

fill winter's white hunger then, in spring

creeps outreaching till still nakedness

is shocked with arrows, yet

it's not death that silent pulls

against the works of man

but stealthy life.

 

 

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Ewan on

Very descriptive, some nice alliteration and imagery. I particularly liked your neologism, 'coolcurled'.

You have a typo, lizard has one 'Z'.

Do you really need to put 'ivy' at the end? A suitable accompanying picture would suffice, if anyone didn't quite get it. Your description is more than good enough to let the reader guess correctly.

well done.

Best

Ewan

 

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Hello, welcome to ABC Tales.  I enjoyed reading this.  The way you follow the year through is very effective, and I very much liked the last three lines.  I agree with Ewan that the word Ivy sits a little oddly at the end.  Although I'd have got the drift, I'm not sure I would have specifically identified ivy from the poem (I'm rubbish at the natural world) so if you wanted to be sure people like me got the reference, perhaps include 'ivy' in the title?  

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou, Ewan, it was so good of you to take the time to read and comment. That is very helpful about the last line.  zz in lizard is ignorance, not a typo :0)

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Airyfairy, thankyou for your kind welcome, and for reading and commenting. Was worried the last bit was over the top so very helpful feedback

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Lovely use of natural imagery. I really like the development in this poem.

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I love the metaphors in this poem, especially: 

and in late summer when all others

seed, ready for sleep, here shoot stars

of nectar, lure a choir of bees

their year's last feast sets the next

for blackbirds and thrushes, eye black-holes

fills winter's white hunger then, in spring

creeps out reaching till still nakedness

is shocked with arrows, yet

it's not death that silent pulls

against the works of man

but stealthy life.

Glad I found your work, it's so my kind of poetry. Love this one.

Jenny.