A Christmas Message

I was at friend’s house the other day and he informed me that some of his friends had recently purchased themselves an oil-less deep fat fryer for Christmas.

“You put in a speck of olive oil, then the chipped potatoes, close the lid and hey presto! They emerge fully fried.”

I wondered to myself if the same oil-less technology could be used in motor vehicles. I seem to, in my head, have solved one of the twenty-first century’s great problems. The end of oil!

In the festive spirit I dashed off a letter to all the major British motor manufacturers; Rover, Leyland, Austin, Morgan! I wait in anticipation for a reply.

You see I don’t want money. I have had a good year.

I repeated at work yesterday something I had heard not long ago on the radio. ‘Man is on this planet for on average less than 1000 months.’

“It’s short, isn’t it?” I said. “Makes you realise that you should use your time wisely. We will all die soon.”

I noticed the glum faces around me.

“Lucky then that this year I’ve written a novel. And am having another one published next year. My life is going great!”

What an inspiration I am!

That I was moved this year from the firearms department was the only blip. What did they mean, ‘for your own safety...’?

I arrived home tonight to even more joy. In my letterbox were two magazines. The latest edition of McSweeney’s has arrived. I can’t say how good this is. If you like short stories then subscribe to it.

The other magazine is Irk. I am in this one and a very lovely thing it is. It’s a handmade mini-mag in a bag featuring original art and cartoons. This month, it being Christmas, there is also some modelling clay and some festive stamps. It would make a very lovely late Christmas present.

(And another late Christmas present could be my book, ‘Me and Mickie James’ released July 3rd 2008 but available for pre-order from Amazon (or anywhere else) now! You don’t have to pay a thing until it’s dispatched!

It would make my Christmas.

You see I am working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day and my birthday (2nd Jan) all to serve my local community.

(And I don’t even have a Christmas tree!

I went to Aldi (where I always shop) to get one and they had a picture of one in the window - £7.99 for 12 feet of tree - but in the store they were nowhere to be found. I did get a bag of sprouts for 29p so it wasn’t a total disaster but still.

Where was I?)

(Oh yes...))

Happy Christmas!

Currently listening to Led Zeppelin Mothership (It’s an airship!)

Currently reading ABCTales magazine