R Chap 16

Chapter 16

"There she is," said The Poet. "The Bounty."

"No," said Captain Vegas, scratching his head, "it says 'The Royal
Impala'. Blue letters. Black background. Royal Impala, quite clear.
Roy-al Im-pal-a."

"The Bounty," said The Poet more loudly, placing an arm around
AkiMat's slender waist and narrowing his eyes to the horizon. "A fine
triple-masted ship of the line. Ah, she has an even keel if ever I saw
one. Look at that futtock shroud! Look at that fiddle block! Oh, the
beauty of the figurehead leading on to undiscovered lands."

I saw Captain Vegas start to open his mouth. I saw the words start to
come out. I kicked him silently on the shin and nodded at The Poet, the
happy Poet who didn't fall to the floor any more, who didn't quake at
the slightest problem. He got the point. He wiggled his hips and
smiled. "Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum," he said.

"Exactly," I said. "Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum. I couldn't have put
it better myself."

"Me neither," said The Poet. "Me neither."

And with that we went aboard. It seemed like the right thing to do.
The sun was high in the sky. The sky was blue. It was a beautiful day.
We were on holiday.

Excitedly we went through the boat's rooms. There was a long narrow
galley. There was a dralon upholstered saloon area with a table that
changed into a double bed. There was a WC and shower room. And most
importantly there was a small cabin at the back and a large cabin at
the front. Important because there were six people, two cabins.

We returned to the saloon and slotted ourselves into the table
seats.

"So," I said, putting my hands on my hips and saying it like I meant
it, because I did mean it, there was an major issue at stake, "who's
having the small cabin and who's having the big one?"

"Fore cabin and aft cabin," said The Poet. "Fore and aft."

"Fore," said Akimat, quickly folding an arrow from the packet of paper
squares he always carried and pointing left. "And aft," he said,
pointing right.

"Exactly," said The Poet, kissing him lightly on the nose.

"So," I said, "who's going to have the FORE cabin and who's going to
have the AFT one?"

Captain Vegas leapt up and wiggled his hips. Once more I saw him open
his mouth. Once more I saw the words about to come out. I cut in. I
knew what he was going to say. I knew it was going to be about chip
shops and holidays, about having a cabin for himself, about a Vegas
style boudoir with roulette tables and dancing girls.

"The cabins are for couples," I said. "Not singles. There are two
cabins and two couples. Fait accompli," I said. "Game, set and match.
All's well that ends well."

"Why always me?" said Captain Vegas. "As if I don't work hard enough
in that chip shop. As if I should have to spend my holiday sleeping on
a table. And anyway, I am in a couple."

"You are," I said, "but half of your couple is off saving the
universe."

"The federation," said Captain Vegas, "the federation. Leia Organa is
saving the federation. Get it right."

"I'd love to meet Chewbacca," said 16. "He sounds like my kind of
guy."

"He's very hairy," said Captain Vegas.

"I don't mind a bit of hair," said 16.

"I think we should draw straws to decide which couple gets which
cabin," said The Poet, getting back to the point in that way of his.
"Drawing straws is a fair way to decide something."

"Straws?" I said.

"Straws," said The Poet.

"He said straws," said Seven. "Definitely straws."

I looked at Seven. I remembered his youthful story. I remembered his
straws that looked like a line, or a sleeping worm. I knew we would
lose. I knew it was useless, done and dusted.

"I'll take our bags to the cabin," I said to Seven, squeezing past him
and his tattoos. "The small one. We'll be in the small one. You've won
Poet."

"What?" said The Poet.

"It's a long story," I said.

"Sorry," said Seven.

"Never mind," I said. "We'll manage."

"At least you don't have to sleep on a table," said Captain Vegas.
"I'm sleeping on a table. What do you think of that? WHAT DOES
EVERYBODY THINK OF THAT? CAPTAIN VEGAS IS ON HOLIDAY AND HE IS GOING TO
SLEEP ON A TABLE AND I'D JUST LOVE TO KNOW WHAT ANYBODY HAS TO
SAY."

"Cup of tea?" said Seven.

"Yes please," I said.

"Yes please," said The Poet.

"If you don't mind," said 16.

AkiMat stood and bowed.

"Thank you," he said. "Thank you. I'm honoured. Thank you."

Pretty soon we were ready for the off, or the launch as The Poet was
insisting. For the first time in days he was starting to wobble a bit.
I wasn't sure why. I thought maybe it was because we hadn't bought a
bottle of champagne to crack against the bow. I thought maybe it was
because we hadn't invited the Queen and a fleet of corgis. Luckily 16
had an idea, an idea to distract The Poet from such things.

"This is a ship, isn't it?" he said.

"A fine vessel indeed," said The Poet, shimmering just inside optical
range. "A more seaworthy craft never did sail upon these fair
broads."

"And if we are a ship," said 16, "then we need a captain. Whoever
heard of a ship without a captain?"

"Good point," said The Poet.

"Good point," said Captain Vegas.

"Very sharp," said Seven.

I nodded my head. I agreed but I had reservations. Some points do have
reservations, like hotels or long distance trains. I was just about to
say we were all equal and we didn't need a captain when Seven pulled me
aside. He whispered something in my ear. I nodded my head and then I
whispered the same something in The Poet's ear. The Poet nodded his
head and he whispered in AkiMat's ear and AkiMat whispered in 16's ear.
They both nodded their heads and then Seven went off to our cabin. The
small one. The aft one.

"Well," said Captain Vegas, not leaping up but with a leap definitely
hovering in his expression somewhere, "what is it? I'm all ears. Is
anybody going to tell me what all that was about? All that
whispering."

"Nothing," I said.

"At all," said The Poet.

"Just whisper, whisper, whisper," said 16. "You know?"

Now Captain Vegas did leap up. I wouldn't have expected anything less.
"Just because I'm not gay," he shouted, "it doesn't mean you can treat
me like this. I may have to sleep on the table but that doesn't mean
that when something has to be whispered it shouldn't be whispered in my
ear. That's just plain racism, that's what it is. Elvis was right, 'I
ain't nothing but a hound dog'."

On the hound dog part Seven came back. In his hands he was holding a
black peaked cap and a floating compass on a string. Carefully he hung
the compass around Captain Vegas's neck and then he rested the hat
gently on Captain Vegas's quiff.

"What?" said Captain Vegas.

"Where to, Captain?" said Seven addressing Captain Vegas in navy
style, saluting and clicking his heels.

"Ready for orders, Captain," said 16.

"Hoist the mainsail, Captain?" said The Poet.

"You mean....?" said Captain Vegas. "You mean....?"

"Why choose a new captain when we already have one?" I said.

"I'm to be captain," said Captain Vegas. Then he said it again as if
he couldn't quite believe it. "I'm to be captain." He glanced at the
table that folded down into a bed and at the wheel that was situated
just next to the table. "Yes," he said, "Yes. Now I see why I have to
sleep on the table. I have to be ready at all times to take charge of
the wheel."

"Exactly," said The Poet, "that's exactly right."

"Hoorah," said Captain Vegas, "hoorah." He jumped up and wiggled his
hips. Then he jumped again just to show how happy he really was.

"Just one small point," said 16 when Captain Vegas had finished
wiggling, which, I have to say, was quite some time later.

"Yes?" I said.

"Well," said 16. "You and Seven are in the aft cabin. The Poet and
AkiMat are in the fore cabin. Captain Vegas is on the table that folds
down into a bed. What about me?"

"Oh," I said.

"Oh?" said 16.

"That table," said AkiMat with a Shinto authority, "it makes a double
bed."

The Poet took a sharp intake of breath. I took a sharp intake of
breath. Captain Vegas looked at the table that was now going to sleep
two. That, in truth, had always been going to sleep two. He looked at
16 and spoke with a tone that his new position seemed already to have
given him.

"16," he said. He was lofty. He was elegant. In my mind I saw Captain
James Cook, Captain James T. Kirk. "Every Captain," said Captain Vegas,
"needs a cabin-boy. Every captain needs someone by his side to help him
through the hard times, to be there for him in balmy weather and during
turbulent storms, to look out for him and in turn be looked out for
too. It would be a great honour for me if you would be that
cabin-boy."

"Well put," I said.

"Very poetical," said The Poet.

We all looked at 16. 16 raised his palm to his forehead and saluted
once more.

"I'd love to be your cabin-boy Captain Vegas," he said.

"He'd love to," said The Poet. "He'd love to."

"Great," said AkiMat.

"I think I'm going to cry," said Seven.

Right then, I had a feeling that it was going to be a fantastic
holiday. I could feel it in the waves.