Golden Memories: Primary School Teachers

Teachers can often be recalled with greater clarity than the knowledge they imparted. At primary school, the majority of staff seemed to be professional spinsters, all looking unnervingly similar. They probably saw themselves as proto-feminists or simply career women, but (with all due respect) even an infant such as I could vaguely suspect a lack of choice in their lives.

One lady was a fierce disciplinarian who once lined up the whole class for a slap on the backside across her lap. She often walked around our prone bodies in P.E., displaying her Victorian undergarments to our fascinated eyes. In retrospect, could this all have been a touch of Freudian kinkiness, I now wonder?

Only once did she appear ruffled, when a lanky pupil picked off a scab on his knee and the blood flowed prolifically down his leg, and into his sock.

Next week, tune in to this channel for Secondary School Teachers.

That's when the real fun started.