Old Movies.

Many of us have memories of rainy Sundays and monochrome films. The black and white world of westerns, swashbuckling adventures and kitchen sink drama seemed to meld perfectly into the dreary religious programmes and once a week baths. Yet the films were undeniably exciting to the prepubescent mind and some scenes live on for a lifetime.

One such is this. Imagine a score of competing pirates gathering once a year in their secret island harbour town. The Captains sit around a huge banqueting table which groans under a mass of exotic spices, roasted animals, and tropical fruits. The men are greasy, sweaty, crude and wild. They tear meat apart with blackened teeth and ferocious knives. Loud belches ring around the room like cannon fire.

And at the end of the table sits a single nervous lady, disgusted by the bestial antics before her. She is a high ranking prisoner.

Suddenly, a one eyed pirate springs to his feet (one wooden). He whirls a rusty cutlass around his head and leers...

"FORTY GOLD DOUBLOONS FOR A PAIR OF HER PANTALOONS!!!"

I'll always remember that.