The Peter Pandemic

"What on earth can we do, Jones? 2000 journalists all over the globe and not a thing worth reporting. Brexit passed, quiet Middle East, no terrorist attacks, forest fires out, UK General Election not for another five years, US election still nine months away. Not even any major sporting events to wet our pants. It's the end of the world man!"

"Well, there is some report of a cold virus in China....."

"What? What? Why aren't you over there Jones? It could be the Russians, Martians or...or....anything."

Nine months later.

"Congratulations Jones. A massive increase in viewing figures, economy wrecked, Boris hamstrung - it couldn't be any better. Almost a year of nail biting melodrama, and frightening statistics. Whoopee!"

"Well 50,000 people have died sir."

"Yes, but every few years 20,000 to 40,000 excess deaths are recorded following viral respiratory diseases. And most of them are compounded by serious underlying conditions, such as cancer, stroke, heart attacks, advanced dementia, hospital acquired infections and sepsis."

"You mean these other things were the main cause?"

"In my opinion - quite possibly "

"But...but.... the economic effects of lockdown policy....?"

"That's another story!"

"And won't we milk it."