Childhood Dreaming....

Isn’t it funny how different the world seems when you’re small. When you’re a child everything seems so big-minutes last for hours, days seem like weeks and buildings look at though they really do touch the sky. Memories get twisted, some forgotten, many blurred. The way a child see’s the world is a lot different from how an adult understands it.

It’s raining outside; I look out onto the world through condensation on rain soaked glass. It’s not going to be a long drive, but it has been a long time since I’ve done it. Ten years ago when I was 5 was the last time we went.

I’m in the back seat; it’s always been that way. I have an older sister, when she was old enough she moved into the front seat when only one of our parents was in the car. Even though we’re both old enough to sit in the front seat now, she always gets it because she’s older. When we were young it seemed to make perfect sense, she was much bigger than me and A LOT older. But as we’ve grown I realise she isn’t that big and 2 years is hardly a massive age gap.

We are driving to my aunties; it takes nearly a whole day to get there. Me and my sister are in the back seat; when I get older I will sit in the front seat. The last time I saw my aunty was last week on Saturday morning television, she has a programme about puppets.

Walking through a dark forest, the mud is black underneath my feet. There are huge birds in the trees with red eyes looking down on me. I find it hard to move, it feels like I’ve been in there for days. I pass a bench with a young girl sitting on it eating some food from a basket; she asks me if I want any, I say ‘no, I must leave’.

We leave so early in the morning; mum is always keen to get there early and beat the traffic which I say never actually comes on a Sunday. There’s hardly anyone on the streets except for a few joggers and dog walkers going every which way but loose!

When we leave the house we drive through the land where no one lives. Sometimes I see people with dogs; that is for protection against the monsters and goblins. There are houses but everyone is scared to come out of them. It takes a long time to get to the land where people are not afraid, maybe 2 hours of driving in the car. Some people are running away from the monsters, some are running away from goblins, in all different directions.

As we go under the arched tunnel the train goes over the top of it. It makes a very loud noise, especially when you’re right underneath. It doesn’t always happen; you just have to get lucky I guess. I wasn’t expecting it; it gave me a bit of a fright.

The monsters have all gone now, they are scared of the sun. We are about to go through the brick animals mouth. Sometimes it lets out a huge burp when we drive under it, sometimes we are not lucky and it does not. I always like it when it does.

I keep walking, up and up. There’s no longer birds in the trees, they’re now filled with sharks, swimming in the air, and the branches have turned into barbed wire. I’m getting cut, but I have to keep going if I want to get out of here, it’s getting darker.

I hold my breath. We’re crossing water, the river Thames. Someone once said to me to hold my breath when crossing over water, so sometimes I do. I never make it to the end without gasping. When I was young I always thought a woman on TV with an Irish accent that had the same hair style and big glasses as my aunty, was my aunty. She looked like her, had the same voice, it’s obviously her! I’ve not thought about it since I was a kid, but just then, while holding my breath, it occurred to me, that it wasn’t.

This is my favourite bit of the journey. We are about to cross the ocean over a bridge. Some people cross the ocean in boats; if I sit up straight enough I can see them sailing. Dad says to me ‘we’re crossing over water, quick, hold your breath’. I do. And I made it all the way over without breathing, not even once!

We’re getting closer and it’s stopped raining. It’s around half way; I know this because I see the White Horse Pub, with its little ceramic statue of a medieval horse pulling a cart on top of the doorway. When I’m eighteen I’m going to go in there and buy some beer. I’m starting to get sleepy now.

I get excited when we pass the horse selling shop. It only sells old fashioned horses that are white; it is where Henry number eight used to get horses from. One day I will see one, and when I am old enough I will go and buy one from there and ride it home, or to auntie’s house, or into the sea, I have not decided yet.

Now I cannot even see where I am walking but my feet are hurting. I look down and see red fish biting at my toes. I look up to run but I cannot see; it’s still so dark. I look back down and the fish are yellow. I stamp my feet around and the fish turn blue. I look up and see a tunnel, I run towards it.

We stop at some traffic lights and I see Dolores, well, that’s what Dad calls her anyway. Ever since I can remember she’s been there, selling the Big Issue with a dirty face and a left eye squint. I’ve seen her so many times and she doesn’t even know who I am. I can’t fight it any longer now. I close my eyes and only open them when we hit the glorious county of Buckinghamshire.

We pass the witch sitting next to the road. She made a funny face one day and the wind changed and now she has a funny looking eye. She likes reading books of spells; she wants everyone to read them. She tries to give them to everyone as they pass. She looks at me, I hide under the window, when I look up, she’s gone. I am tired, so I sleep.

We drive through all the green and yellow fields. I know it’s not long now; I’m looking forward to seeing Aunty and Max, even though he finds it hard to walk now, let alone run.

When I wake up, I have been asleep so long that we are in another country. A country called Buckinghamshire. It is a very different country than the one we come from on the other side of the ocean. There are no buildings here. It is all grassy and yellowy.

The ground is getting softer, its feels like walking on pillows but the sides of the tunnel are turning into cakes. The cakes are black and there’s worms coming out of them.

It is really nice to see Aunty again. I’m a little older now and can actually join in on the conversations everyone is having. My sister thinks she’s very grown up and offers to make everyone tea. I think she’s just showing off.

I have gone for a walk in the garden at Aunties. Everyone else is inside talking about grown up things, I want to explore. It is getting late and the sun is going to bed for the night. It is getting cold. I stand still and watch the sun moving, it has been a good day, especially playing and running with Max, Auntie’s puppy.

I walk outside with Max as the sun is about to set. It’s quiet. I take a stick and throw it for Max to catch, he just gives me a look; he’s not going anywhere. We walk a bit further so we can get a better view of the country surroundings. The trees are blowing softly and its warm enough not to wear a jacket but cold enough to raise the hairs on my arm if the wind blows. I sit down, Max does the same. It’s so still and peaceful that I could stay here all day, but I know we must go soon. I didn’t hear Mum approach. She comes behind me, puts her hands on my shoulders and looks out onto the view in front of us. As the sun breaks free from any surrounding cloud she leans forward and whispers in my ear, ‘just like heaven’.

I have been playing with Max for so long that the sun has moved all the way down. I like stroking his fur and listening to him making funny noises. I get sleepy and Mummy comes over and shakes me to get up saying something loud in my ear about heaven. She asks me if I agree; I don’t know what she is talking about.

I keep walking, the little girl jumps up and grabs my arm, ‘don’t go in there, you will lose, it’s safer here, stay here and do nothing with me’. She’s dressed in a dirty white dress and her face is the colour of a rain cloud. I take her arm off me and step forward. I walk through a small hole and I’m in a massive garden, hills in front of me, trees blowing in the wind. The sun is almost set. The little girl is behind me, her dress is bright white and her face is glowing. She’s smiling. The hairs on my arm rise up sharply. I ask her, ‘where am I?’ she looks at me and opens her mouth but I do not hear what she says, but somehow I know.

It seems to take such a long time to leave places when I’m with Mum. She’s always talking about when they’ll see each other next and that she’ll phone when we reach home. I’m a bit tired again. For once I’m glad I’m in the back, there’s more room to stretch out and sleep. Mum puts on one of Dad’s awful tapes and that sends me to cloud 9.

It is time to leave Aunties house. I am sleepy. I close my eyes and listen to the music Daddy has playing. I do not know how but it always takes less time to get back because when I open my eyes we are home.

I had a very strange dream.