The Year's Best Night

“The pleasures all mine,”
the drunk said with a grin
but then his wry smile
slipped away from his face.
He tossed quickly back
Yet another tonic and gin
before lambasting
everyone in the place.

“You’ve no rights anymore;
this country is doomed,”
but everyone ignored him
and kept right on drinking.
“You’re all so spoilt,
so pampered and groomed,
it wouldn’t hurt youse at all
if you started thinking?”

I laid down the rules;
“Don’t bother the patrons;
if you keep it up,
I’ll have you tossed out.”
His face slipped from rancour
to consternation,
then he smiled, took a breath
and restarted his tout;

“You’re a bunch of wasters
with no self-respect,
you can’t look yourselves
in the eyes anymore.”
I signalled the bouncer,
who flexed for effect,
then moved to show the drunk
the way to the door.

“Don’t touch me,” he yelled,
“You great lumbering turd,
I know my rights and
I’ve done nothin’ wrong.
The truth may be harsh
But it needs to be heard
If you don’t like it music
Then don’t sing the song.”

The bouncer made a move
but the drunk was fast;
he took to his feet quickly
and away from the big man.
He jumped on the table,
the patrons were aghast,
but then everything
got more out of hand.

“Away with you, cur,”
The drunk said from his perch
before spinning and leaping
to another table near by.
The bouncer moved quick
and with a great lurch,
caught the drunk little bloke
while he was on the fly.

The little man wiggled
but the bouncer held firm
and just when it seemed
he’d given up the fight;
the big man relaxed
so he kicked and squirmed;
the bouncer went down
And the drunk took flight.

The whole bar was cheering
the drunk’s daring-do
while the bouncer stood up,
looking fit to be tied.
The little man took a bow
then, yelling “Round two”,
leapt on the bouncer’s back
for a piggyback ride.

Well, the bouncer and drunk
reeled round and round;
we couldn’t help but laugh
to see such a sight.
Then bouncer got dizzy
and again he fell down
with the drunk clinging on
for all his might.

When the drunk stood up
the place cheered and clapped;
it was like nothing
I’ve ever seen before.
The little drunk was bowing
and the patrons looked rapt
While the poor bouncer
Lay still on the floor.

Before someone got hurt
I called out to the drunk
and said, with good humour,
“I think he’s run out of fight.
Let me buy a drink,
and shake your hand;
you’ve given us all
the year’s best night.”