China Songbird - re written

Cherry

By EB

Sat, 13 Feb 2016
  • 2581 reads
9 comments
 

Fixed gaze; gaped beak; poised

to fly, but cannot brave the break. 



The sky's way dark to navigate,

and freedom's price too high to fly.



If he turned the key she used to sing, 

but through the gluey glaze



hairline cracks bleed and craze - beauty 

shattered, pieced 



and posed, eternally she dies

in silent screaming.

Certificate 12
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Sure footed internal rhyme used so well throughout until the lack of it emphasises the cold hard ending. Pitch perfect vignette.

 

Submitted by EB on

Thanks London 

Much appreciated. 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Splendid use of alliteration throughout. A fine poem, if but so very poignant.

Tina

 

Submitted by EB on

Many thanks Tina. 

Submitted by Bee on

Edited and pared down to the minimum. 

Bee

Submitted by EB on

Cheers Bee. Still needs a bit of work I think. 

Submitted by EB on

Many thanks to Eds for cherries. 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I'd meant to have a look at your new version of this. Brings out the longing for freedom, and the lack of song now becomes an apparent permanent scream, but something of the beauty has been repaired. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by EB on

Many thanks Rhiannon. Your comment is very much appreciated.