A Sleeping Account.

My hand is twitching; I'm watching it pulsate as I attempt every letter on the keyboard, thank god for spell check! My back is hunched, my head is throbbing, my eyes still swollen, enhancing my sleepiness. 7 tablets in one day, then painkillers on top of that, not to mention the antibiotic spray that tastes foul. No one should be at work when they feel this bad, no one should have to witness the pain and agony on ones face as they attempt a normal day. I dread the day ending though, as that means another drive, I nearly stopped the car this morning, I just didn't think I could keep my eyes open for one second longer, but I stupidly continued, blinking fast, focussing hard. I am amazed I got there in one piece.

My head rests heavy on the back of the chair while I type. Touch typing means I can put my head back and close my eyes while I continue to document the pains and feeling flowing through me. I think I will call this piece 'A Sleeping Account'. Today is Friday, frustratingly the busiest day for me. I hope I get the wages correct, at this rate employee 445 will get employee 345's pay - that could be interesting. Maybe I could pay myself employee 678's and my wage together, well mistakes happen.

To liken my sleepiness to something would be like the crash of a wave, building from my lower back gathering speed and power past my shoulders and whoosh, crashes on the back of my skull curling over my face splattering white frothy spray in my eyes, the salt water making them close tightly. Its funny how like a wave, the momentum really builds like that, usually when you least appreciate it for example when your sat on the tube and 'bang' that involuntary nod happens that wakes you up and alerts everyone around you to your state of drowsiness.

I should go home, if I do then the staff won't get paid, the monthly accounts won't be completed, and the new sales staff won't get their sales bags to take home after their week training, and subsequently won't be able to sell. If they don't sell then the company makes no money, and no company means no job! STOP IT. Now I'm getting carried away. It's impractical to think like that. But I do hate those people with a sniffle or a broken toe that take a day off, they take for granted those who are seriously sick that can't take time off, those like me.

I nearly cried 10 minutes ago, when my staff asked me how I was, I said how I was frustrated that the doctor doesn't seem to help. I haven't been myself for so long now but he just keeps stringing me along "come back next week - 4 times I've been back now, I'm barely holding things together, test after test, so when asked how I was I said "I've never felt so weak in my entire life - I nearly cried. But then I pull it together for 10 minutes, answer any questions and help others like any other day. I hope they learn from me, and work through pain sometimes; it's a sign of strength - or madness. If truth be told, if any of my staff looked like I do lately, id send them home!

I guess there is a lesson to be learnt there somewhere!