Coming Into My Own

Exactly what is meant by coming into your own? I mean what is my
own? Everyone is always trying to imprint what he or she wants on you.
Trying to make you into something you don't want to be or something
you're not. To come into my own it has to be done my way and by my
rules. I know there's a whole host of rules that guide my life, but
there are some that I live by. They determine how I examine things and
how I process the information. I can't be rushed and who I am or what
I'm coming into can't be rushed nor can it be forced upon me. I take
each day as it comes. Learn what needs to be learned and move on to the
next lesson.

Sometimes there's no turning back and sometimes you can turn back to
try again. I can't paint myself into a corner nor will I allow myself
to be forced into one. My eyes are opening and I'm starting to see and
realize so many things about myself that I didn't realize before. The
fire is growing, building, but it's not raging out of control. Control
is the key to seeing myself through all of this. Each day brings me
unexpected surprises, hardships and realities. All I know there are
truths behind everything that happens, but knowing that there are
truths and knowing the truths are two different things. Seek and you
shall find&;#8230;I guess it's time I started looking.

College was one step in the right direction, several steps even and
this is the next. Keen insight is something I treasure and I have a
small portion of it. Now is the time to nurture it and bring it about.
It has served me well in the past, but it has only brought me part of
the way. Now is the time for me to prove that this gift wasn't wasted.
The feelings I have, the senses that drive me have been pushing me
towards something I need to experience yet while I've desired to know
what it is, even pondered what it is. Perhaps it's time I started to
understand what is by understanding more about who I am and testing my
limits of what I know and what I can do. Sometimes we need to
understand and accept our limitations in order to prevent them from
keeping us down or holding us back.

Life is about understanding who we are and how it all works. Sometimes
it feels like we're that missing cog in the machine and sometimes it
feels like we're apart of the wrong thing all together, like we don't
fit at all. Like we were thrown in at the last minute without a care in
the world just to see how we would react in to certain situations we
find ourselves in. (Pretty much like it's a joke on us&;#8230;ya
think?) I know we can adjust the way we cope, but adjusting doesn't
always fit into the idea of what everyone wants. Sometimes not even
into the picture we've painted ourselves.

People fail to realize that we're apart of a living canvas. Part of a
picture that's always changing and evolving. Problem is that sometimes
it changes not only through our actions, but through the actions of
others as well. However, that's life as a whole. Sometimes we get what
we want and sometimes we don't. There are no guarantees in life. That's
one thing we need to take to heart and continue to repeat to ourselves
over and over.

What about that small portion that I refer to as my life? That part
that keeps me guessing and hoping for the best. Wondering if this is it
or if there's something I can do to change the path I'm on. Course if I
alter my path where is it going to lead me? There's so much I can do to
change who I am, change where I'm headed, but there's no guarantee that
it will give me what I'm looking for. I wish I could have some hint,
some clue that would let me know that I've headed in the right
direction, but that's the thing I need to rely on if not develop, my
internal compass. The one that guides me through the good and bad times
and sticks with me through thick and thin.

Coming into my own means making decisions based upon my reasons and no
one else's. Being able to live with the decision I've made and having
the courage of my convictions without living in fear or regret. For me
regret is knowing that I didn't try, that I remained silent instead of
speaking, not wondering if I should've done things differently. Coming
into my own means livings the life I set for me not the one created by
the fears and worries of another no matter who they might be. When it
comes down to it I and only I am accountable for my actions.